[TryingToMoveForward]

First of all, who else has dissociative features with their PTSD? I'm still learning about this stuff, and I don't think the Dissociative forum is the right place because that is more DID.

Today was kind of an our of it, surreal day. Though nothing out of the ordinary happened. I seemed checked out. And this really, strange surreal feeling would come over me, like things moving in slow motion. People. I work retail and observe people, and was struck with that feeling. I don't know how else to describe it. And I had bad vertigo all day. I actually had a customer comment that I seemed out of it. Because I would randomly space out. Then again, I am being tested for absence seizures at the end of the month (hopefully) so maybe I had an absence seizure at that moment.

The thing is...nothing happened. It was a basic, ordinary day. I didn't see past abusers. Nothing triggered memories. No flashbacks. Maybe this is just exhaustion because I worked on Black Friday. I feel utterly exhausted but can't sleep.

But I do know I didn't want to be at work today. And as a child, when I didn't want to be somewhere, I mentally went some place else.

[awhispernred]

I relate to this. One thing I have learned about any mental illness, however it is classified is that it comes with this feeling of enough, but not too much. Enough is okay, but too much is overwhelming. Once we get overwhelmed we get lost to our loved ones, even though we don't mean to, but enough is enough and we get overwhelmed easily, and shut down, and then we make those around us upset because we can't just be like them. It's okay.....(deep breaths) you got this...we all do! It's just a matter of having a safe place, where we're not excusing ourselves for who we are. A place to vent, and be. And then go back for as long as we can until we break from trying to be acceptable in those eyes again. Until at last we start to stand on our own feet and show that we are worth something more than anyone thinks about us! Than we rise..

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[TryingToMoveForward]

I do get overwhelmed easily...though I did astoundingly well on Black Friday. My shift started at 4:45am. I had to wake up at 3:00am. Our store was swamped the moment it opened and I was helping 5-7 customers at the same time. I got through perfectly well. Without getting upset, panicked or overwhelmed which really, really surprised me.

But I did have a moment where I spaced out later in the shift. I stopped walking and my brain shut down. I completely forgot what I was doing. But I'm pretty sure that was an absence seizure and not dissociation. During dissociation I'm still thinking. When the seizure happens, my mind goes completely blank and I can't think. Don't really move but blink.

Anyway....I'm to tired to know where I was going with this, but I found your words very encouraging.

[skeksi]

I have dissociation with my PTSD. It is always a welcome feeling to find other people experience similar things!

One thing I have found is that things that trigger me are not necessarily obvious or directly related to my traumas. For example, feeling cornered or overwhelmed is a major trigger for me, so even things that have nothing to do with my abuse can set me off--like getting extra work or feeling pressured at work. I am also waaaaay more likely to get triggered and end up dissociating if I am tired--it's like it lowers my threshold for coping. It sounds like you had an exhausting day, and something that normally might not push you over the edge into dissociating might have then been able to. Just an idea!

[TryingToMoveForward]

Originally Posted by skeksi

I have dissociation with my PTSD. It is always a welcome feeling to find other people experience similar things!

One thing I have found is that things that trigger me are not necessarily obvious or directly related to my traumas. For example, feeling cornered or overwhelmed is a major trigger for me, so even things that have nothing to do with my abuse can set me off--like getting extra work or feeling pressured at work. I am also waaaaay more likely to get triggered and end up dissociating if I am tired--it's like it lowers my threshold for coping. It sounds like you had an exhausting day, and something that normally might not push you over the edge into dissociating might have then been able to. Just an idea!

So its more likely to happen when you're exhausted? That makes sense. I don't know...Maybe when I saw a kid. I feel weird about kids, I guess it kind of triggers me sometimes. Because of what happened to me, and my abuse as a child through adolescence. Though teens don't trigger me. I don't know. Just a really weird day.

I've been tired a lot lately. Might be low on vitamin D. I'll pick some up when I get some money. I literally live on caffeine to keep me going, and didn't have much yesterday. That didn't help. But all these disorders are exhausting too. Especially when they affect you every minute of every day of your life. It's tiring.

[Shaly78]

Trigger tracking is very helpful...Dissociating research it find out what can you subtract from your life so that you can work sufficiently. I know you love what you do as bad as jobs are hard to come by. Proper rest, proper therapy are important