my mother told me to suicide.

Teacake, you did not come home to die, you need to finally face all this and heal now. You will not intellectualize this in such a short time, not in one day or three weeks.

So your mother is "this is mine, this is mine" and you are recognizing this pattern in her has always been there, that pattern is coming from her own "boundary issues" where she developed this way of "self protecting".

Teacake, every single person that is challenged in this forum, everyone I have met in one way or another has experienced this kind of "maladaptive damaged parent".

These people simply don't have the capacity to understand "you", the person who has to understand "you" and heal is "you".

If your mother has said that you still have untreated PTSD, then agree with her and tell her you need funds so you can pay for a qualified therapist to work with you instead of the ones the system has offered that have been no help. There "are" good therapists out there Teacake, if you lived near me and saw my therapist you would see that. You are in a new state and you have to convince your mother to fund you so you can get the help you need.

The only reason a person would suicide with glee is only because the person wants to rid themselves of the "stress". Well, that doesn't really do anything, when you can learn andpp heal with help, which you "can". Do you want your son to live out his life wondering if he will end up suiciding like his mother? Because, that is what happens, and that is not fair to your child who is only 27 and in many ways still learning and really doesn't even have the capacity to understand "you". When you speak of the glee of suicide, you better stop and think about how selfish that act would really be. That is just not fair to your son, are you going to be like your mother that way, because that is what you would be doing to your son. Two wrongs do not make a right.

OE

Or it means that person is being abusive and instead of wasting time trying to view them like an abused dog that actually deserves pity and compassion, its best to see them as an abusivie toxic person and avoid further contact with them and be careful NOT to rationalize their abusive behaviors towards you as them 'not knowing any better' and 'just being frusterated'. My advice kinda contrary to yours I guess would be the OP should work on what they need to do to take care of them-self, and find help and support to dismiss their moms words as verbal abuse and have support coping with having to go through that. Certainly not consider 'well what did I do to create the monster my mom is'.

Sounds like the OP's mom is emotionally abusive, she'd be the one responsible for the abused dog cowering in the corner I just don't think there is a good excuse for encouraging people to kill them-self or otherwise harm/neglect them-self or other verbal abuse/manipulation even if the individual doing it might have had a bad experience or multiple.

Was she able to get the hot water fixed while there?

She bought a hot water heater.

We've been working hard on the old house. She's been spending money on it too. It's sad in a way. My great grandfather built the house and my grandfather built the addition. There are hand hewn beams in the basement. It's fragile. It's been abandoned.

Its so much more complicated. Before I got back to the suicidal place i got irritable like PTSD dad. And I got I to poison ivy on my face and hands. Mom has always been super aenzitive to small facial expressions. Mine were blurred by swelling. A thousand little things go into the cruelty that passed between us, and It goes both ways. Mom is as emotionally sensitive as a sunburned all over person is sensitive to touch. Ive got similar and different issues of my own. Its almost never as simple as a toxic abuser attacking an innocent victim.

I didn't make the connection at the time but my handle is the name of a man in a novel, a good, loving man, who contracts rabies and has to be put down by his lover. Any of us could.

I admit I am a bitter spiteful person but the last time my mom told me that my response was "Nope I want to live long enough to put you in the most abusive worst hellhole of a nursing home I can find. I hope they make your final years as happy as you made my childhood." Then I smiled sweetly said I love you and walked out. Yes I know I'm a bad person but god it felt good to say it.