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#1
Oct 27, 2014, 05:57 PM
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I have never been diagnosed with PSTD. but my doctor thinks I may have it, but can't diagnose me. and the waiting list for a psychiatrist in the city is just ridiculous. I know It's not good to self diagnose, but I really can't help but think I have it.
here's a bit about the trauma I have experinced in the past: - Seeing my my mom and her boyfriend's fight. crying for their attention to get them to stop. - Being sexually molested by a family member - Being raped when I was highly intoxicated at 15 as a minor, by someone I barely knew at a party - being on the streets, sleeping out in the cold, having nothing but clothes on my back. being kicked out by mom, constantly having to worry about where I was going to sleep, or how I was going to eat. - being jumped by many people infront of many people. - My bestfriend growing up being extremely sick from a brain tumour, and eventually passing away. - Going to Jail at a young age, being picked on, and someone jumping me from behind a chair while i was half asleep. - Seeing my ex get completely destroyed by a large flat screen tv, and a baseball bat. All the blood, being blamed for some of it. getting arrested afterwards. Losing my place, Ending up in Shelters, My ex completely cutting off contact, having no closure to our relationship. losing my kitten to his care, because shelters don't allow pets. - Finding out I was pregnant from a one night stand while living in a shelter. Not knowing what to do. - Being smashed to the cement by a stranger downtown while pregnant. bleeding afterwards. - Abusive ex. gave me a black eye as my present on christmas. would hit me when he was drunk, and jealous and he would blame it on my past behaviour, and acted like it never happened. He made me out to be the bad guy to our friends, and to the police. - Step father punching me/choking me/grabbing me/jumping on top of me. lying to the police (I would end up getting arrested instead because I was on probation, so my dad milked that for a long time), lying to my mother. trying to black mail my mother into putting me in to a grouphome, or "he would leave her". Feeling abandonded. my parents had no problem calling the police on me, and having me left at hospitals, or on the streets. - Smoking pot for the first time, having a panic attack to the point I was completely delusional. being hospitalized in the psychward. feeling too humiliated to go back to school. - My stepdad dropping me or my brothers off at the side of the highway if we were misbehaving in the car. and driving off and laughing, pretending to leave us stranded, and then coming back to get us. me and my brother were both left there at one point, and because he didn't so often we started to realize he was going to come back to get us. I always feel scared to make my dad mad growing up. he was extremely hotheaded, and always had a crazy look in his eyes. All of this has lead me to believe I can't trust anyone. I always had to have my guard up. I am usually pretty jumpy. I have hard time relaxing around people. I always feel tense, and because of this I can't seem to feel like I can be comfortable to be myself around others. I have had a hard time looking back on my past, i get blackflashes at times. (where It feels like I'm watching vivid clips of my life in a movie) I space out a lot, and feel numb. I have a hard time being intimidate at times. I used to drink a lot to deal with my emotions, and cope with my past. I would try to go shopping, eat, masturbate lol, or have sex, & drink to make myself feel better. I left my home town because I couldn't deal with the memories, and the seeing the same faces anymore. I wouldn't seem like an angry person, but i held a lot of anger, shame, guilt, inside of me. And it didn't take me much to get angry, snap, and lose control of myself. I had a hard time trusting men. Trusting that they actually love me. I had an extreme difficulity forming friendships, especially with other women. I felt threatened. I felt like they would just betray me one way or another. I started avoiding going out when I lived with my ex. I never wanted to leave bed, spent way too much time on the computer, never bothered going out and meeting people, I Felt down on myself, and had a hard time leaving our apartment. I sometimes have a hard time sleeping at night, have a lot of nightmares, axienty, and paranoia (i'll feel like people are laughing at me , giving me dirty looks, I'll feel like something is wrong with me) I have a low self esteem, and it extremely horrible growing up. I have a hard time feeling like people understand me and i get very lonely very easily. I feel unsafe easily as well. I get depressed. I hate being in the dark by myself. My thoughts go crazy at night, and i have hard time falling asleep. I feel like I'm living in my past a lot, I have a really hard time focusing on the present, and the future. I dwell on past mistakes, look back on trauma, etc. I want other people's opinions if they think it's a possibility I have PSTD. |
 SkyWhite
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#2
Oct 27, 2014, 06:22 PM
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mommaxo,
Wow, you have had a lot happen to you in what you wrote, it would not surprise me if you did have PTSD or "complex PTSD". However, I can't diagnose you, just say it is possible. Here is a link you can read that might click with you. Complex post traumatic stress disorder (complex ptsd, pdsd, shell shock, nervous shock, combat fatigue), symptoms and the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury explained Also, if you check out the subforum of complex PTSD above the PTSD forum on top DocJohn posted a link but there are other links you can look at from that link and all these are helpful too IMO. Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder | Psych Central http://forums.psychcentral.com/compl...ml#post4061875 I am so sorry you endured all those awful things, hopefully you can finally get on track with finding a good therapist and working through it all and "heal". ((Caring Hugs)) OE |
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#3
Oct 31, 2014, 01:45 AM
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You seem to have symptoms of PTSD, but nobody here can diagnose you. Can you seek out professional help? I wish you the best!
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#4
Oct 31, 2014, 01:19 PM
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Quote:
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#5
Oct 31, 2014, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
I'm sorry you had to endure all that trauma. I wouldn't be surprised at all if you had ptsd. Find out more about what ptsd to educate yourself. All the best 
__________________
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. |
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