[MotownJohnny]

I know PTSD seems like some never-ending thing, but I believe there are stages in it that we go through. I feel like I've entered a different stage of it. The first phase was the initial traumatic event/events. The second was the reaction stage, where everything fell apart and everything was helter skelter. I think I'm in a new, third stage, which is more about acceptance and moving on.

I haven't been posting on here at all lately, because I just don't feel the need to like I did previously. I was posting so much on here in the past because it helped tremendously, but now I feel like I don't dwell so much on the pain and hurt of it, and I'm not thinking so much about past events.

The trauma therapist I'm working with seems to be helping me a lot. I keep peeling away the layers of the onion and having these very deep realizations about myself. Once I do that, a lot of the feelings associated with the events that happened kind of fade to a point where they aren't so threatening.

I still have questions about "what I have" and "where do I go from here" but they aren't as frightening to me now as they once were. Even the roller coaster doesn't seem quite as bad as it was, there are still a lot of ups and downs but some days it feels like it's leveling out more.

It isn't an easy thing to deal with any of this. I know I have made it harder on myself, sometimes I wonder why, through all of the self-torture. I have an aquarium in my office, and there is a submerged filter that puts out a pretty good flow of water. One little sunset guppy always hangs out in the outflow current, I don't know why, it's a big tank, he could be anywhere and be out of the current, but he just does it. Maybe he gets something out of it I can't recognize. Like my T says, all behavior serves a purpose, I "got something" out of the self-torture, now it seems like I don't need it so much.

[Open Eyes]

Yes Mowtown, there "are" stages to healing and I am so glad that you have talked about this because others here need to hear it.

There is a period that an inner negative voice can be strong, however, it just has to come forward so a person can slowly work through it. Often there is a particular theme that one continues to address and eventually it all just fits and begins to make sense to where that "hurt" theme really begins to ease up, which means the person has slowly learned their way and healed their way past it.

It is also normal to wonder "where to I do from here" too. We actually do that all our lives.

Glad to know you are feeling yourself leveling out more, glad you have shared that as others do need to realize that working through it and being patient is work, but it eventually gets better. PATIENCE is the key.

(((Hugs)))
OE

[CalmingOcean]

Ugh, thank you MoTown and OE... At this very moment in time, I needed to read this.

[JaneC]

This is good to read Johnny, I'm so glad you have reached this place.

[SkyWhite]

Thanks for this Motown. I'm still in the ***** storm stage but recently I've been getting glimpses of what you're describing.

[Bluegrey]

I'm so glad for you, Johnny, that things are improving. I was thinking the other day that I hadn't noticed posts from you recently.

Thank you for the encouragement.


Bluegrey

[Crazy Hitch]