[WoundedAngel]

As previously stated, I suffer from depression/ anxiety disorder. To make matters more difficult, I have recently ended a 6 year relationship wirh a man who was diagnosed with advanced narcissistic personality disorder and clinically diiagnosed with sex addiction.I had no choice but to end the relationship; I felt cornered, harrassed, and victimized.
Honestly, I dont feel that I am doing well after all of this. The feelings of anger, despair, and lonliness haunt me every day. I have severe trust issues with people, and fear getting too close due to danger of heartbreak again. I can't even cry anymore; i've not shed a tear in months. I go straight to cold, malicious anger. Then I isolate myself and hole up at home until I can seem to feel something other than anger or depression. I don't want to let this ruin me and my life. I do have an appointment with a local therapist, but I'm just trying to be "ok" until then. Just wish that I could decompress, and get some help. Just don't know where to begin with any of this. My mind is a blur, and my heart feels like it's missing.

[WoundedAngel]

Tonight is rough....going back and forth between periods of anger, then wanting to cry but can't. Being stuck in this house that we built a family in is only swarming me with painful memories. I miss him....but can't see past the anger towards him. Feel so empty and alone. Hollow.

[Open Eyes]

((WoundedAngel)),

People who end up in a relationship with someone who has NPD, actually do end up just as you are discribing. It is not your fault this happened either, these individuals leave a trail of hurt people behind them, people going through what you are discribing and struggling to ever trust again too. These individuals begin relationships in such positive ways and they can be very charming and literally sweep someone off their feet too. However, after a certain period they change and show their bad side and many stay with them hoping to once again experience what they "thought" was a loving, positive relationship. Well, they NEVER get it, and instead are with someone who really has no empathy and is actually selfish and very self serving.

It is NOT YOUR FAULT, remember that, it is very good that you are finally FREE of this person too. When you grieve, greive for yourself, but do not blame yourself. Learn from this, learn to recognize the warning signs too. You always did deserve BETTER.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/0...usaolp00000592

(((Gentle Caring Hugs)))
OE

[WoundedAngel]

Thank you so much. Im hanging in there as best as i can. Right now, everything is fresh and I feel like im falling apart.

[Ruminati]

Don't you like the 'everything is fresh' feeling?

[WoundedAngel]

Uuugh...It's draining!

[Ruminati]

where do you go to get a refill?

[Open Eyes]

Yes, it "is" draining, you have broken free from a very toxic person and you need to mourn that, mourning and grieving is draining. You had six years of experiencing a very toxic relationship with someone who is clearly a disturbed individual.

Rebuilding your life is going to take time and WoundedAngel, while you "are" mourning, you also need to work on slowly developing your personal sense of "deserving" to rebuild your life. That should be your focus right now, not thinking about if you can ever trust someone else in another relationship. First, you need to develop a sense of trust in yourself and that takes time.

In life, we come across others that simply fail to appreciate or respect us, it definitely always hurts when that happens. It tends to create "self doubt" whenever it happens too. However, that is a normal human reaction and while it is hard, it is also part of life lessons and growing as a person too.

Hey, I can definitely say, people have shocked the hell out of me many times in my life.
Actually, when I read through what I posted for you to read, I have come across these kind of individuals myself and yes, they sure can be quite charming and cunning, seemingly someone one would think they could trust too. And yes, they can really be skilled at focusing on you and be able to pick out your atributes unlike any others. And you know what? It is only human to be receptive to that. So, in that alone you need to realize that you really were just "human" when you were drawn in.

While you grieve it is important to really understand that you are only "human" WoundedAngel, and you are not alone in experiencing this kind of individual the way you have either. As the article discribed, they do show empathy too, so it's not like they are totally void, they really can be quite convincing. That is why they leave a trail of hurt people. That little bit of empathy they can show is also what typically draws people into their den of deception too. The other key feature to them is that they are not aware they have NPD either. In fact sometimes they can take a test themselves and decide they don't have it, it depends on the individual. And as the article is saying, they can even present affection that seems genuine, however, it is self serving. Some are so skilled they can actually doup/fool a whole group of people who may choose to become loyal to them too. It is not unusual for their victim to feel helpless and feel that they are so well connected and liked that their collection of people they socialize with are more abt to believe them than their victim. This is also part of the challenge of getting away from them too, they will definitely take every opportunity to talk about how bad their victim is. It can be very hard to watch how others do believe them too, I know this so well, I have experienced this myself. Often they can be that individual that has some kind of "I have it all" to them and they definitely can shine an attractive beacon. When it talked about Facebook and how they nurture their own beacons, well, there you go.

Personally, I have never used/done Facebook, I personally think it can be toxic to be honest. You describe your ex as a sex addict, well, there you go, same as getting that Facebook high too, very self ego pleasing.

I saw so much of these type of individuals in the competitive horse show world. It was hard for me to watch, they spend a lot of money on obtaining this high of being some kind of winner, so much so that they really don't care about the horses, the horses are just something they "use" as a means to gain this high. The love of the horse for them is so different from me, they love it because of how it facilitates "them", not for the horse itself. The horse gets to live in a palace, as long as it can be used for this purpose too. Oh all the stories I could tell to you, I have been shocked many times over, shocked because I actually love the horse itself, something I have been looked at so strangly for, as if it means I am just crazy and wrong to be that way.

I have done quite a bit of grieving myself WoundedAngel so I definitely hear you and can sympathize with the "pain".

(((Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE

(((woundedangel)))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( woundedangel )))))))

[WoundedAngel]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Yes, it "is" draining, you have broken free from a very toxic person and you need to mourn that, mourning and grieving is draining. You had six years of experiencing a very toxic relationship with someone who is clearly a disturbed individual.

Rebuilding your life is going to take time and WoundedAngel, while you "are" mourning, you also need to work on slowly developing your personal sense of "deserving" to rebuild your life. That should be your focus right now, not thinking about if you can ever trust someone else in another relationship. First, you need to develop a sense of trust in yourself and that takes time.

In life, we come across others that simply fail to appreciate or respect us, it definitely always hurts when that happens. It tends to create "self doubt" whenever it happens too. However, that is a normal human reaction and while it is hard, it is also part of life lessons and growing as a person too.

Hey, I can definitely say, people have shocked the hell out of me many times in my life.
Actually, when I read through what I posted for you to read, I have come across these kind of individuals myself and yes, they sure can be quite charming and cunning, seemingly someone one would think they could trust too. And yes, they can really be skilled at focusing on you and be able to pick out your atributes unlike any others. And you know what? It is only human to be receptive to that. So, in that alone you need to realize that you really were just "human" when you were drawn in.

While you grieve it is important to really understand that you are only "human" WoundedAngel, and you are not alone in experiencing this kind of individual the way you have either. As the article discribed, they do show empathy too, so it's not like they are totally void, they really can be quite convincing. That is why they leave a trail of hurt people. That little bit of empathy they can show is also what typically draws people into their den of deception too. The other key feature to them is that they are not aware they have NPD either. In fact sometimes they can take a test themselves and decide they don't have it, it depends on the individual. And as the article is saying, they can even present affection that seems genuine, however, it is self serving. Some are so skilled they can actually doup/fool a whole group of people who may choose to become loyal to them too. It is not unusual for their victim to feel helpless and feel that they are so well connected and liked that their collection of people they socialize with are more abt to believe them than their victim. This is also part of the challenge of getting away from them too, they will definitely take every opportunity to talk about how bad their victim is. It can be very hard to watch how others do believe them too, I know this so well, I have experienced this myself. Often they can be that individual that has some kind of "I have it all" to them and they definitely can shine an attractive beacon. When it talked about Facebook and how they nurture their own beacons, well, there you go.

Personally, I have never used/done Facebook, I personally think it can be toxic to be honest. You describe your ex as a sex addict, well, there you go, same as getting that Facebook high too, very self ego pleasing.

I saw so much of these type of individuals in the competitive horse show world. It was hard for me to watch, they spend a lot of money on obtaining this high of being some kind of winner, so much so that they really don't care about the horses, the horses are just something they "use" as a means to gain this high. The love of the horse for them is so different from me, they love it because of how it facilitates "them", not for the horse itself. The horse gets to live in a palace, as long as it can be used for this purpose too. Oh all the stories I could tell to you, I have been shocked many times over, shocked because I actually love the horse itself, something I have been looked at so strangly for, as if it means I am just crazy and wrong to be that way.

I have done quite a bit of grieving myself WoundedAngel so I definitely hear you and can sympathize with the "pain".

(((Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE

Open Eyes-
Thank you so much for the support! And I couldnt have said it better myself! This whole mess with him has gotten me to the point that I'm afraid to trust anyone in my life. There is always an underlying sense that those who seem to sympathize or genuinely care for me are simply out to use me. As a result, friendships are dwindling and being in a relationship is, well, out of the question.
I'm so glad to see that there are others out there who are in the same situation as I am and can understand how hard it really is to fight through all of emotional turmoil. Maybe someday soon I'll be able to look past it all and be a stronger person. I battle towards that goal every day.

[WoundedAngel]

Thank you all, so very much. The suuport and understanding mean everything to me.
And FuzzyBear, I really needed a dancing hula bear today.