[Nike007]

Hello. This is pretty triggering, so if you can be triggered easily, don't read this. This is your warning.

Anyways, so lately, I have been thinking about what my mom has said to me. My mom gets in these episodes where I believe she emotionally abuses me. I am not sure. I have some pretty bad memories about it. Like, it's not everyday she is like this, but occasionally. It makes my self-esteem lower though.

So the last thing she told me was

Possible trigger:

that I was really obese, and said that twice, and that I should go see doctors because I am so fat (I am a bit overweight, and the BMI thing says I am obese, but my friends say I look fine and whatever). She tells me if I don't start losing weight, I'll get diabetes and heart disease in my 20s and die in my 30s because I am so fat.

That is not true at all. There are plenty of more people that would be considered bigger than me. I weigh less than 200 pounds. I don't know my fat to muscle ratio, but I believe I am really strong because I am able to lift at least 50 pounds with just my left-hand. That was even a year ago, so I am much stronger. I have a rough estimate of my waist, and I have a slightly larger waist than what is considered healthy (it's 4-5 inches bigger), and I know I can work on it if my mom didn't ridicule me. I don't feel motivated to work on that now, and people tell me I look fine and I shouldn't worry about this because it is emotional abuse. I am not obsessed about my weight, but I was before because of her. At least once a week, she puts her hand on my stomach and says that I need to stop eating as much. I understand that, but she doesn't understand that I eat because I depressed and it is comfort food. I have tried to explain my mental illness problems and she says everyone experiences what I experience and that I am "normal" and that my mental health problems aren't a "concern". If I have no "mental health problems" then why would I be diagnosed with not one, but three?

I have been seeing a lawyer over custody stuff, and I said I believe my mom isn't supportive of mental illness, and my lawyer was really upset about that because she experiences with it herself. And she emailed my mom about that problem and my mom said that I should have never told MY lawyer that and that I should APOLOGIZE for what I said to her. She is basically saying apologize for saying something I believe is the case? I don't know. I am really confused.

Anyways, a lot of the stuff my mom says about me makes my self-esteem drop.

Another time, after a fight we had (verbal fight), I collapsed on the ground crying because I felt so depressed and terrible and my mom said I was being silly for breaking down like that basically.

Possible trigger:

I really wanted to do self-harm after that night.

That was a year ago though.

Anyways, I just wanted to post how I felt about my situation. I hope my mom doesn't get angry at me once again.

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[Open Eyes]

Nike007, sorry your mother is being such a terd with you. Some individuals go through this in their late teens with the weight, a lot of the body is changing in the late teens and early 20's, hormone levels are changing and often some experience extra anxiety and even some depression until their hormones balance out. I remember my nephew going through this time and struggling, eventually he got involved in weight training after high school and he really got into it, but it was for himself. I even saw pictures of my husband at that age and my husband was chubby, not at all the same as when he was 23 and we were dating.

Don't allow your mother to get in your head in negative ways. Your mother should not have that kind of negative power over you, she is just a person and not all people are all that good at parenting. A person with lousy parenting skills is never the child's fault, always remember that. I heard many conversations between my daughter and her friends where her friends parents were letting them down in one way or another, I have seen a lot of that during my life, so many parents that really fail their children in so many ways, never the fault of the child.

Did you ever watch Charlie Brown? Notice how whenever the parents talk it doesn't really show the parents and what the parents say is just noise no real words? Well, pretend your mother is just noise, no words, don't let any negatives register because that is not anything that is helpful to you.

(((Supportive Hugs)))