[Ad Intra]

I want to punish myself a lot because I can't

[Open Eyes]

Yes ((((Ad Intra))), that is a common feeling many have, so you are not alone with this challenge.

My therapist said that PTSD is "failure to forget". However, while we never do forget, we can learn to process it better so it doesn't present as many PTSD symptoms. It definitely takes time though.

[Werewoman]

Not at all, but I can get royally pissed off at anyone who expects me to 'just get over it'. To me it's like they are saying 'you must enjoy all the hurt you feel, otherwise, you'd stop it'.

[Bluegrey]

Yes, I do - and have had a bit of what Werewoman said as well, though those who were so lacking in understanding didn't have a true view of the situation (neither did I at that point, mind you).

I read various posts here on PC when I was feeling really upset that I couldn't get past things, and those posts have helped a lot. Things like taking care of myself, being kind to myself, that it's quite natural and normal not to be able to get past it all if my brain hasn't had a chance to process it. That healing like this takes time, just like physical injuries take time to heal. Being gentle with ourselves is important - I found Pete Walker's book 'From surviving to thriving' was useful to challenge my inbuilt reaction to my inability to deal with all of this.

It isn't your fault that you aren't over your trauma, Ad Intra. And punishing yourself is unnecessary, although understandable. I hope this thread has helped a bit.


Bluegrey

all the time.

[ChipperMonkey]

Not anymore. I don't know if I ever thought of it in those terms though. I mean I hate these symptoms, and I wish I was fully healed, but I've never told myself I should just get over it all and be done with it. I think that "getting over it" is a matter of healing. Working on healing is how we move past the trauma.

[Ms. DeeSurvivor]

Originally Posted by Ad Intra

I want to punish myself a lot because I can't

Omg. Yes! Thank you fot posting this because
I really struggle with with this. On a daily basis sometimes
But i tell myself its not my fault.
I know that because my family & therapists
& the Police said that.
Then there's the Wuda Cuda Should've stuff but in time..
After a 2yrs, ive learned better coping skills to deflect that negative or irrational thinking.
I've had to take all kinds of health classes like Self-awareness, cognitive behavioral therapy &stuff to help myself. Its alot of work when you're learning how to help & heal yourself.
It can really suck but it can be an rewarding experience.
I still have a hard time with Self-Judging but it's really unhealthy because i have
Self-destructive tendencies that can lead to depression or worse.
If i don't want to talk about it, I'd workout or write it out.
Ive recently started coming here to Psych Central for courage & motivation.

I think you are really brave for posting this.
There's probably others out there going thru the exact same thing
But don't know how to ask for help
Or what questions to ask. Thank you.

[MoxieDoxie]

You know....I don't ever think about anything from my childhood. I beat myself up for how I think, feel, react. It is not normal, it cause me grief, it keeps me from succeeding, I am always on edge, want to hide and not be with people, chronic low grade depression with bouts of deep depression, fantasizing about committing suicide. I do get what I call "clear days" where I feel normal and things are looking good but it always disapates in a day or two.

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by Ad Intra

I want to punish myself a lot because I can't

Yes. All the time. If I am having a particularly difficult time, as I am now with added physical pain, I am especially hard on myself. I start to criticize myself for not being stronger and better able to handle everything. The inner voice goes on a continuous loop-"If you were a better person you would be able to handle these things and not fall apart...". It goes on from there. I often wonder how I will make it one more day.

[Bluegrey]

CrimsonBlues, I know what you mean about having physical pain on top of everything else. It's very good at sapping morale and self confidence. I hope you are able to get on top of it soon.


Bluegrey

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by Bluegrey

CrimsonBlues, I know what you mean about having physical pain on top of everything else. It's very good at sapping morale and self confidence. I hope you are able to get on top of it soon.


Bluegrey

Thank you so much for responding to me, Bluegrey. I feel so alone right now and seeing your response brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for seeing me.

[Parley]

I did~ Now I get mad because I don't know what to do about it.

[GeminiNZ]

Yes.

Like right now, i have a neck injury which is a direct result of physical abuse in childhood, and i'm experiencing flashbacks, anxiety attacks, and crying and shaking through my physio sessions. My T says this is all incredibly understandable, and hard, and painful, and he has so much compassion for me. Whereas I am giving myself a really hard time for being so messed up, and weak, and needy, and not being able to manage.

Four years of therapy and I still haven't figured out how to be gentle with myself. (and now i'm berating myself for that as well. sigh.)

[MistressTwist]

Every day! It doesn't help that my SO is constantly stressed about money. It gets thrown in my face in many ways, and then I get mad at myself for not working, then rush into a job I'm not ready for, end up being such a wreck I can't do the job, leave, try to get better, repeat. I hate this!

[ThisWayOut]

all the time...

[thewidow]

I don't think anyone gets over trauma, I think they just learn to live with it. I am hoping for the day I can live with it. I just wish I can forget and move on.

[sherbet]

Yes.

I've been spending the past few weeks berating myself over how I failed to make the most of therapy when I had it. I have now convinced myself that I could have done better had I not failed at therapy. I'm down on myself every time I fail to get a job after an interview, every time I'm so anxious about all my previous "failures" that I fail to apply, etc.

I know I'm still hurting and I understand now that much of what went wrong was outside my control. I know deep down inside that it isn't fair to expect myself to be doing better. But I also feel like "enough is enough." I want to believe that I can control how I feel and move on. But then I try and I can't.

[Teacup381]

Definitely.. Everyone says it gets easier but it's only gotten worse for me.. It's very frustrating.. I wish you the best

[CrimsonBlues]

I just wanted to send out hugs to everyone here. As we all know, PTSD and trauma typically have so many layers and elements of anguish and pain. Along with the trauma (or traumas) itself we often also have to deal with multiple aspects or symptoms of PTSD as well as criticizing ourselves for how the whole thing effects us and how we deal with it.

I wish you all the peace and happiness that you all so deserve.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Yes. I feel like there's something wrong with me because it's affected me so much. Why can't I get over it? I'm not a child anymore. I'm safe. But I hate myself for not being able to just get over it.

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

Yes. I feel like there's something wrong with me because it's affected me so much. Why can't I get over it? I'm not a child anymore. I'm safe. But I hate myself for not being able to just get over it.

I know what you mean. One of the things I have tried to focus on, in the healing process, is self-compassion. Self-compassion has always been so hard for me to achieve. It wasn't until I was finally accurately diagnosed and found some books on the subject of PTSD that I realized that there was a reason for the way I had been responding throughout my life. Still, knowing this on an intellectual level and convincing the inner critic are two different things.

I have had an emotional reaction to this thread, feeling such compassion for everyone here and everyone out there who struggles with this aspect. I don't have a support system myself and going through the healing process on my own has been the most difficult and painful battle of my life. I hate the idea of anyone else going through that painful isolation when they need support the most.

Hugs to all.

[schatten]

Constantly. I still see it in myself as a sign of weakness, despite having supportive friends and an unbelievably supportive boyfriend.