I wasn't sure where to post this, but it doesn't feel safe to post right now on the forum I usually use.

I told my therapist that I needed to quit therapy as I'm going downhill in all areas of my life. He said he's willing to try again and hoped I was too.

This was 2 weeks ago. Ever since, I have these intrusive sensations of being stabbed in the chest over and over. It happens randomly, I could be in a work meeting or driving down the street.

Its psychotic like, but not psychotic. I cant explain to emotions associated with this. The only way I can describe it right now is that it feels like I'm Being murdered. I know how ridiculous this must seem, but i dont know what this is and I'm scared. I'm also feeling depersonalized and anxious and have sui thoughts on and off.

It feels almost persecutory and torturous. What is this? Please help

[Open Eyes]

What you are discribing is not paranoia or psychotic, it's panic and acute anxiety, I have these pains in my chest too, I even get it in both my arms, it's very painful. I am sorry you have been experiencing this.

If you are having sui thoughts off an on you need to talk about it with your therapist, that can happen with PTSD too, I experienced that myself. Always remember, they "do" go away and so does the panic attacks/anxiety attacks.

It sounds like you opened up some wounds in therapy, unfortunately in therapy the PTSD can get worse before it begins to improve, but it "does" improve to where you can understand it better and slowly gain more control of it.

((Comforting Hugs)))
OE

Thank you for your comforting hugs.

Do you also experience them as someone stabbing you with a knife or being murdered, or are you talking about chest pains that can accompany anxiety?

[Open Eyes]

Well, I don't know about stabbing, that isn't what entered my mind, but I have had very painful ones, even went to the emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack.
I get it bad in my arms like someone suddenly filled them with cement and the pain is horrible. I have felt like I was being beaten up badly.

I don't decide to experience these painful attacks, I just have them, especially if I am badly triggered. I try to manage them and used to take Klonopin they were so bad, even woke me up at night. I have tried to manage them and not take the Klonopin, but sometimes when I have too many or a really bad day, I just need a break from the pain and will take a Klonopin.

You should talk to your therapist about them if you keep experiencing them, even talk to your GP. Mine were so bad I ended up having my GP hook up an ekg for a while to make sure my heart was ok.

[JadeAmethyst]

I agree with Open Eyes, the flashbacks, triggers, dreams all manifest and wake up the memories. This is no joke, it can feel very real and painful. Hang on, take it easy and love yourself with comfort and compassion, self-care is critical and so is self-kindness. Writing was helpful and instrumental for me, because friends and family become so overwhelmed and try to fix things (sometimes). Meds were and are still part of self-care for managing symptoms also. Please keep posting, it's a safe place here. Lots of caring supportive people who will listen. Day or night. You are not alone.

sincerely

Jade

It finally went away after seeing my therapist. I was so scared, frozen in fear at first and couldn't even talk for the first few minutes. Then I managed to ask him to talk about his dogs, and that calmed me down enough to do our session and even made me smile.

I think it was pre-verbal separation anxiety which is held in my body/implicitly is what T said.

Thanks so much for helping to get me through until I saw him tonight.