[Nike007]

I am pretty sure it has to be violent, life-threating, or stuff close to that. Unless that could be considered an adjustment disorder(s) so. Just wondering other people's perspectives.

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[CANDC]

Hi Nike. Anything that triggers a strong emotional response can either be a trigger of some previous experience, even ones we do not remember.

Any trauma can lead to PTSD or trigger a previous trauma.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Hi Nike. Anything that triggers a strong emotional response can either be a trigger of some previous experience, even ones we do not remember.

Any trauma can lead to PTSD or trigger a previous trauma.

Thanks. I looked at the DSM V and this is the part I am was trying to say:

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Note: The following criteria apply to adults, adolescents, and children older than 6 years.

For children 6 years and younger, see corresponding criteria below.

A. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or

more) of the following ways:

1. Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s).

2. Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others.

3. Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close

friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the

event(s) must have been violent or accidental.

4. Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic

event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains: police officers repeatedly

exposed to details of child abuse).

A lot of the symptoms of PTSD I fit though. Just not this part. I became depressed because of this trauma of mine. I haven't brought any of this with my pdoc because I know then ill be triggered and cry and then she may judge me (I have social anxiety) and I don't want that to happen. Especially since I have a lot of anxiety, if I bring it up, I can't stop thinking about it for days. I am still thinking of the last time I brought this up, which was almost three weeks ago. I wish they would expand what they considered a trauma more.

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[Frankbtl]

Hi Nike,

OK you've done the research, and I'm not really in a position to forward possible diagnoses.........it might be good if you could talk to a T or pdoc about it as it sounds like you have some suspicions, but regardless it might be good to talk to a T or pdoc (if you're not already).........but possible diagnoses I'm afraid I can't offer.

Why I have dropped in is to say..........that it sounds like what you've (or someone you're close to??) been through has had a big impact on you (or them??), I'm sorry
And divorce can be really hard, however the marriage was..........it can trigger all sorts of feelings including sometimes grief at it's ending.
And hey, I'm just here if you want to talk about it...........??

Alison

Alison

Yes - if you, for instance, suffered constant harassment in order to drive you away from the relationship or if your spouse was repeated physically, verbally or emotionally abusive, or any combination thereof. My brother's ex-wife repeatedly overspent and, to save her own funds so she could leave the relationship, took all the cash out of his wallet daily. She abused him repeatedly in order to make him leave the house so that she could have it. Finally, since the house was in his name (it pre-dated the relationship), he packed her things, put them in her car and told her to leave. It was not pretty. He has never recovered from the trauma as he really loved her and wanted the relationship to work.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Nike,

OK you've done the research, and I'm not really in a position to forward possible diagnoses.........it might be good if you could talk to a T or pdoc about it as it sounds like you have some suspicions, but regardless it might be good to talk to a T or pdoc (if you're not already).........but possible diagnoses I'm afraid I can't offer.

Why I have dropped in is to say..........that it sounds like what you've (or someone you're close to??) been through has had a big impact on you (or them??), I'm sorry
And divorce can be really hard, however the marriage was..........it can trigger all sorts of feelings including sometimes grief at it's ending.
And hey, I'm just here if you want to talk about it...........??

Alison

Alison

I know. I just don't want to cry about it because as a kid, I was bullied a lot because I cried everyday at anything. I have deem crying as a weakness to me so I want to not cry the most I can.

And yes, people here can't say that I for sure have something, what I wanted was to see if it would be a positive idea to bring it up with my pdoc.

Let me be clear. I am the child suffering from my parent's divorce. So it is impacting me, but it's a different kind of impact. Sorry, this sounds like I'm trying to be mean. I don't mean it to sound like this. Thank you for your help.

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[Nike007]

Originally Posted by unguy

Yes - if you, for instance, suffered constant harassment in order to drive you away from the relationship or if your spouse was repeated physically, verbally or emotionally abusive, or any combination thereof. My brother's ex-wife repeatedly overspent and, to save her own funds so she could leave the relationship, took all the cash out of his wallet daily. She abused him repeatedly in order to make him leave the house so that she could have it. Finally, since the house was in his name (it pre-dated the relationship), he packed her things, put them in her car and told her to leave. It was not pretty. He has never recovered from the trauma as he really loved her and wanted the relationship to work.

I'm sorry your brother had to go through that. In this situation, I am the child of my parent's divorce. It's not that kind of impact, just a different kind. I am a witness involved in the case kinda. The only thing that happens to me is my mom saying not nice things to me occasionally. She is like that to my dad all the time. My dad might have mild PTSD from all the emotional abuse he takes from my mom. He was a lot worse before I know that for sure. He became really depressed .

Thanks for your response.

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[Frankbtl]

Hi Nike,

No you don't sound like you're trying to be mean at all
And I can understand the situation must be really hard for you, not only having to cope with your own emotions but feeling some of the emotions coming off your parents too.
I'm guessing you're trying to hold a lot in as well. I know it might be really hard to talk about, and you may be afraid of opening up/crying but maybe your parents could offer you some comfort/reassurances if you let them know a little of what you're feeling........and nevermind trying to protect them in that, if that's crossed your mind at all, your feelings matter.
But that's just an option.........another maybe talking to a school counselor or teacher, sometimes people more neutral can help you be less afraid in opening up and be more support to you...........so worth thinking about??
And btw..........I'd say crying can sometimes be a sign of real strength, just another way of taking a stand, letting it out, and admitting "This hurts!!". So just if you need to cry........
And the wanting to cry as least you can..........well maybe it could help looking at all the different sides of the situation...........maybe the divorce could be for the best in the long run, and if not right now but at some point, your parents could become better parents/people separated than together.
And hey, remember none of this should mean that they love you any the less.......at times they might find it hard to show that but..........
And perhaps when your parents emotions are settling a little they'll be able to give you even more stability, maybe in time they'll even get on better themselves.......or argue less.......
But I know those things might not help you that much now........so please try to do things that might help you just a little e.g. talk to someone, keep spending time with friends/or others, keep a bit of a routine, try to carry on with things important to you or that you've enjoyed, try not to get dragged into any conflict going on with your parents..........those kinds of things.
And your worries about your dad.........well I'd say that's natural, but you can't feel responsible for helping him with his feelings (although maybe you more want to understand?), all you can really do if he is suffering from PTSD or anything else is to ask him to get some help.......and of course keep on loving him the same.
And back to you........always a positive idea to raise with your pdoc anything that might be concerning you

Alison

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Nike,

No you don't sound like you're trying to be mean at all
And I can understand the situation must be really hard for you, not only having to cope with your own emotions but feeling some of the emotions coming off your parents too.
I'm guessing you're trying to hold a lot in as well. I know it might be really hard to talk about, and you may be afraid of opening up/crying but maybe your parents could offer you some comfort/reassurances if you let them know a little of what you're feeling........and nevermind trying to protect them in that, if that's crossed your mind at all, your feelings matter.
But that's just an option.........another maybe talking to a school counselor or teacher, sometimes people more neutral can help you be less afraid in opening up and be more support to you...........so worth thinking about??
And btw..........I'd say crying can sometimes be a sign of real strength, just another way of taking a stand, letting it out, and admitting "This hurts!!". So just if you need to cry........
And the wanting to cry as least you can..........well maybe it could help looking at all the different sides of the situation...........maybe the divorce could be for the best in the long run, and if not right now but at some point, your parents could become better parents/people separated than together.
And hey, remember none of this should mean that they love you any the less.......at times they might find it hard to show that but..........
And perhaps when your parents emotions are settling a little they'll be able to give you even more stability, maybe in time they'll even get on better themselves.......or argue less.......
But I know those things might not help you that much now........so please try to do things that might help you just a little e.g. talk to someone, keep spending time with friends/or others, keep a bit of a routine, try to carry on with things important to you or that you've enjoyed, try not to get dragged into any conflict going on with your parents..........those kinds of things.
And your worries about your dad.........well I'd say that's natural, but you can't feel responsible for helping him with his feelings (although maybe you more want to understand?), all you can really do if he is suffering from PTSD or anything else is to ask him to get some help.......and of course keep on loving him the same.
And back to you........always a positive idea to raise with your pdoc anything that might be concerning you

Alison

Thanks.

Exactly! I always feel bad about myself because one parent will say something negative about the other parent, and vice versa, and then I'll feel bad about myself because then they give bad reasons about someone else that I may recognize in myself and other things. My parents even laugh about the other one in a negative way.

I can't talk to my parents at all about this, especially since they are involved in this. I have opened up to a few teachers and a friend, but it's kinda iffy. They can only offer so much, especially since they have their own stresses in life. I also have a social worker at the school I talk to about this, but I can see her for only 6 sessions in total. Once every two weeks and I am not at school at the moment so I am in session with her.

I know the divorce for my parents is the best thing, but there is still a lot of fighting and tension. I forgot to mention it has been 5 years of this. I am starting to break from it even more or faster.

He was worst in the first 2 years of the divorce. Better, but not the same. In those two years, our 14 year-old dog died also .

I might bring it up. Not sure. I would find she will judge and I will cry and scared of judgment really badly. It's a social anxiety thing.

Thank you for your help . Appreciated.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Nike,

It's got to be really hard having your parents talking negatively about each other, being caught in the middle, and maybe feeling pressurized into making judgements and judgements you don't want to make.
And I don't know if you do, but you may want to see a bit more of your parents "better sides", to feel that they are good people, to feel that you can rely on them but with each of them raising negative things about the other.........
And I'd say that maybe the best way around this is to cut them off when it's making you feel uncomfortable..........there may be times when they are telling you some things to try to protect/help you e.g. if your mom is saying not to build all your hopes on your dad visiting on a particular day if she knows he might not, but I'd want that to be in a supportive way and for her to be keeping you some positive feelings for him............to air their own problems in front of you.........that's unacceptable.
So yes, if you need to just cut them off and say that you don't want to hear it. I know that might be incredibly hard but the more of a stand you take..........
And feeling the negative views of a parent reflected in you.............remember those comments will be built on a lot of history, a lot of things you probably don't know about, a lot of unrelated animosity at times, these comments are a lot deeper than some of the things that might be reflected just a little in you. And I'm hoping they aren't using you as an example of.............because you are not that parent, you are you.
And some of the negative things they are saying about the other parent well those aren't even the "bigger picture" of who they are anyway.

It's good that your dad seems to have improved a bit as well
Some divorces can take a long time to move on from.........but it's good that you've managed to maintain a relationship with him, just try to keep that relationship about you and him, not about you, him, and the problems from the divorce.

And bringing it up with your pdoc..........I'd say that your feelings about how things are effecting you are absolutely valid, there may be ways they want to try to challenge them or turn them around to try to help you, but they are valid and you shouldn't be judged for them.

Still if you need support, we're here for you too.



Alison

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi Nike,

It's got to be really hard having your parents talking negatively about each other, being caught in the middle, and maybe feeling pressurized into making judgements and judgements you don't want to make.
And I don't know if you do, but you may want to see a bit more of your parents "better sides", to feel that they are good people, to feel that you can rely on them but with each of them raising negative things about the other.........
And I'd say that maybe the best way around this is to cut them off when it's making you feel uncomfortable..........there may be times when they are telling you some things to try to protect/help you e.g. if your mom is saying not to build all your hopes on your dad visiting on a particular day if she knows he might not, but I'd want that to be in a supportive way and for her to be keeping you some positive feelings for him............to air their own problems in front of you.........that's unacceptable.
So yes, if you need to just cut them off and say that you don't want to hear it. I know that might be incredibly hard but the more of a stand you take..........
And feeling the negative views of a parent reflected in you.............remember those comments will be built on a lot of history, a lot of things you probably don't know about, a lot of unrelated animosity at times, these comments are a lot deeper than some of the things that might be reflected just a little in you. And I'm hoping they aren't using you as an example of.............because you are not that parent, you are you.
And some of the negative things they are saying about the other parent well those aren't even the "bigger picture" of who they are anyway.

It's good that your dad seems to have improved a bit as well
Some divorces can take a long time to move on from.........but it's good that you've managed to maintain a relationship with him, just try to keep that relationship about you and him, not about you, him, and the problems from the divorce.

And bringing it up with your pdoc..........I'd say that your feelings about how things are effecting you are absolutely valid, there may be ways they want to try to challenge them or turn them around to try to help you, but they are valid and you shouldn't be judged for them.

Still if you need support, we're here for you too.



Alison

Thank you. I know that it is hard. I live it. I try not to listen and find biases on people, but I'm human. I tend to take biases on things.

I don't know if I should bring it up. I don't want my parents to know I feel like this. It would be bad for everyone.

Thanks, I know.