Anyone else do this?

If I stumble across something that's related to "my" trauma (for example a newspaper article), even though I know perfectly well it's a bad idea and will just make me feel worse, most of the time I'll look at it anyway. Once or twice I've even deliberately looked it up online, and really regretted it afterwards. I've no idea why I do this...maybe I think I'll cope, maybe I'm trying to make myself feel worse, maybe I still have trouble believing it actually happened...

When I told my therapist that I did this, he didn't seem to understand, which worried me. I can't be the only one who does this sort of thing...can I?

I do this too... plusI watch a lot of crime shows , usually once based around hrams that I can relate too.... I thought it was b/c in these shows the bad guys get caught and I get some relief from that.... but it does bring back flashes for me and I find taht I dont like to ever let it go completely.... maybe to stay cautious. IDK...

Oh, yes. Most that I've talked with do the same.

I think it might have to do with hypervigilence and the deep instinctual need to try to understand something that there's little understanding for us at times?

KD

I have all the newspapers from Hurricane Andrew, which also traumatized me after I was disabled in a terrible storm. I have yet to read those papers... from 1992. I can't watch anything on tv with hurricanes, and have to limit anything with any bad thunderstorms in them (news, movies, etc)

Know exactly what you mean Rio. I myself cant watch tv, radio or read the paper. I get enough of reality of what happened just by looking out my window. I go to work and talk is nothing but that. I try any little escape hatch i can find and it is usually looking myself up in my trailer. It sucks, but my god i hope one day there is a change.

Yes, I know what you mean.....you are NOT alone!
Sigh at therapists who just don't get it!

Thanks for replying, everyone. It's a relief to know I'm not alone in this!

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kimmydawn said:
I think it might have to do with hypervigilence and the deep instinctual need to try to understand something that there's little understanding for us at times?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That would make sense. With me, I'm sure I didn't understand what was happening at all at the time, I was too young.

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Fuzzybear said:
Sigh at therapists who just don't get it!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yep.

I have had ptsd for years recently I find myself watching movies about abuse, reading, etc. I think its a normal part of healing. You want to see what others have gone through~ that way you or I we are not the only ones. My therapist looks at me crazy, refuses some of my questions, very upsetting~~ well I can relate. Hope you are well~ Chris

Thanks for replying, ChrisM. That's a good point, and I'm sorry your therapist is being so unsupportive!

I go searching for stuff related to "my" trauma every now and then -- it always turns out to be a bad idea, but I do it thinking it would be nice to know I'm not alone.

Sometimes I can watch movies about childhood trauma or a movie with violence. I pretty much stay away from violent movies. Sometimes I don't Depends on how strong I am at the time. If I feel vulnerable I can't read, watch a movie or even talk about any kind of trauma. Even if it relates to me or not.. But then sometimes I am triggered, no matter what mood I might be in at the time..

Thanks for replying, candybear. Maybe that's why I do it as well, I still don't know.

Thanks for replying, radio_flyer. That's similar with me, sometimes I can get triggered by just about anything.