[coldtothetouch]

So, one of the causes of my PTSD is my parents. More accurately, my step-dad. Before I set up my dreamcatcher in my bedroom, I was having near-constant nightmares about being attacked/abused by him, reminiscent of things he'd done in the past (slapped me, hit me, pushed me around, spanked me, etc). I'm still afraid to be around him. He often puts me down and makes not-funny "jokes" about me, then gets mad when I get upset/start crying and won't apologize. This, among other things, is what makes my home life so bad.

I want to know, how can I start recovering from PTSD if I'm still living with the people who caused it? Is anyone else in a similar scenario?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by coldtothetouch

So, one of the causes of my PTSD is my parents. More accurately, my step-dad. Before I set up my dreamcatcher in my bedroom, I was having near-constant nightmares about being attacked/abused by him, reminiscent of things he'd done in the past (slapped me, hit me, pushed me around, spanked me, etc). I'm still afraid to be around him. He often puts me down and makes not-funny "jokes" about me, then gets mad when I get upset/start crying and won't apologize. This, among other things, is what makes my home life so bad.

I want to know, how can I start recovering from PTSD if I'm still living with the people who caused it? Is anyone else in a similar scenario?

Are you able to get out?

[coldtothetouch]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

Are you able to get out?

Unfortunately, no. I'm still a minor and I can't move to my grandparents house until I've finished my online schooling. I have 5 classes to finish, though I'm almost done with one.

[Open Eyes]

Hi coldtothetouch, I see you are a fairly new member so welcome to PC, welcome to the PTSD forum.

I am sorry to hear you are stuck living with an individual that is abusive towards you. It is very challenging when a person stuggling with PTSD is exposed to a toxic individual that can trigger them. I have some of that going on myself, have come across others challenged that way as well. Yeah, it is hard.

If you cannot physically move away, what you will need to do is find ways to avoid this individual while you make a plan to get away from the person. People always have schedules, learn their schedules and do your best to not be around the individual when they are home or as much as possible. Your step father is a bully, he is bullying you and that is only aggrivating your PTSD symptoms. Self care is the most important for you, and what you need to do is stay away from this individual as much as you can to reduce your exposure to his bully tactics.

People who bully others around are unhealthy people, they bully because they themselves are broken in someway or during their own childhood were either badly neglected or abused, or both and they learned this bullying as a way to get their own needs met and to intimidate others. Often it is the oldest child that learns they can bully their siblings to get their way, that is what I am dealing with.

Now, because you have PTSD, you are very sensitive so the fight/flight/freeze, that is normal to all human beings, in you is more sensitive. When this individual came into your life you did not have enough understanding of how to fight back or protect yourself, that is the kind of target abusive bullies go for, NOT YOUR FAULT.

So the best way to handle that is to find ways you can reduce your exposure to this individual, stay at friend's homes, go to the library, look for things that can get you out of the house when this individual is home. If you are around this person, do not try to pick a fight, all that does is give the bully permission to abuse. Bullies are easier to handle when you are nice to them, even though they are wrong etc., and you would like to let them know it, it's not worth it because a long time bully gets pretty good at bullying, they learn it works, gets them attention and control.

It's unfortunate because often women marry a bully thinking they are strong and will be protective and productive. The problem is they are TOXIC and DYSFUNCTIONAL which is exactly what you have experienced from this individual. You are just at a point right now where you now have a victim mentality, "not your fault", and what you will eventually need help with is how to better handle bullies, to recognize the signs of anyone who is one and make it a point to not include them in your life as they have no benefit for you.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Hi coldtothetouch, I see you are a fairly new member so welcome to PC, welcome to the PTSD forum.

I am sorry to hear you are stuck living with an individual that is abusive towards you. It is very challenging when a person stuggling with PTSD is exposed to a toxic individual that can trigger them. I have some of that going on myself, have come across others challenged that way as well. Yeah, it is hard.

If you cannot physically move away, what you will need to do is find ways to avoid this individual while you make a plan to get away from the person. People always have schedules, learn their schedules and do your best to not be around the individual when they are home or as much as possible. Your step father is a bully, he is bullying you and that is only aggrivating your PTSD symptoms. Self care is the most important for you, and what you need to do is stay away from this individual as much as you can to reduce your exposure to his bully tactics.

People who bully others around are unhealthy people, they bully because they themselves are broken in someway or during their own childhood were either badly neglected or abused, or both and they learned this bullying as a way to get their own needs met and to intimidate others. Often it is the oldest child that learns they can bully their siblings to get their way, that is what I am dealing with.

Now, because you have PTSD, you are very sensitive so the fight/flight/freeze, that is normal to all human beings, in you is more sensitive. When this individual came into your life you did not have enough understanding of how to fight back or protect yourself, that is the kind of target abusive bullies go for, NOT YOUR FAULT.

So the best way to handle that is to find ways you can reduce your exposure to this individual, stay at friend's homes, go to the library, look for things that can get you out of the house when this individual is home. If you are around this person, do not try to pick a fight, all that does is give the bully permission to abuse. Bullies are easier to handle when you are nice to them, even though they are wrong etc., and you would like to let them know it, it's not worth it because a long time bully gets pretty good at bullying, they learn it works, gets them attention and control.

It's unfortunate because often women marry a bully thinking they are strong and will be protective and productive. The problem is they are TOXIC and DYSFUNCTIONAL which is exactly what you have experienced from this individual. You are just at a point right now where you now have a victim mentality, "not your fault", and what you will eventually need help with is how to better handle bullies, to recognize the signs of anyone who is one and make it a point to not include them in your life as they have no benefit for you.

Coldtothetouch,

I agree with everything said here as I have been in many abusive relationships - starting with my teenage childhood with my dad and stepmom. I realize it can be very hard to get away if you are not yet of age to do so and this is your parent - even then you can tell a teacher or etc and generally get help that way (I know because again - I did that once), but if you are of age, even if you don't have a job you can go to a shelter to get away and the shelters are usually able to help get you started, or maybe you know a friend or relative that will take you in til you can get on your own? The point is - you need to develop a plan to get away but that will eventually give you the opportunity to get started in life (ie dont just hit the streets unless absolutely necessary). While you are developing your plan, if you think it will be an issue with him letting you go - find some place where you can stash items you want to take with you (only things you absolutely cannot do without and maybe 2 changes of clothes - just enough to get by) and then once you have it all figured out and have a chance to go - just go. And make sure you have it worked out how you will leave transportation wise (cab, friend, etc) - and then get counseling both to heal and to be sure you do not become a co-dependant constantly trapped in this cycle later in life...

[ChipperMonkey]

Focus on coping.

Once you move out you can focus on healing.