[InTheDistance]

Some years ago, when I was 31 (I'm 37 now) I made an acquaintance with a man who introduced me to a book on how to pick up women. The book, called "The Mystery Method", contained strategies and instructions on everything from how to start conversations to how to use signs of interest and disinterest, how to tell and memorize stories and routines, how to behave and present yourself, how to increase your status, how to calibrate to her reactions, how to pass her tests, how to get to the next stage and use compliance tests etc.

The book said that in order to get good at it, one would have to devote 4 years of one's life constantly approaching women and groups of people and perfecting the method. I had had a reasonable amount of success with women in the past, but also quite a bit of failure - and lots of questions.

At the time I wasn't working, I had time and some money in the bank, so I decided to go for it. I practiced seriously, shared notes with a friend I met doing the same thing, and after some initial difficulties and anger at the rejection, it became enjoyable and adventurous, even if quite tough emotionally, especially once I started having several girlfriends. I learned how to get in a talkative, elated state, which suppressed my fear. And I felt like I had slowly chiseled myself into a new state of strength and confidence.

However, during the 3rd year (after many thousands of interactions) something changed. The social games, stress, the rejection, the suppressed emotions and negativity started creeping on me. I started developing a knot in the upper part of my stomach, an inability to express relaxed, positive emotions, irritability, anger, as well as a paradoxical feeling of powerlessness, lasting days at a time. And some other weird things as well (like not feeling almost anything during orgasms for weeks at a time, or having anger outbursts when no one was looking). I felt a bit in a twilight zone.

However, I viewed it as something to be overcome--just like i had overcome much of my fear and anger earlier-- so I kept pushing and trying to find those positive emotions. But it kept getting worse. At one point it got so bad that I had to stop. I developed an ocular tic and even problems with eye contact, which was something that I was always very comfortable with. The anxiety, the eye issues and the solar plexus knot had become chronic.

The 1st thing that I tried to fix the problem was sensory deprivation. By chance, I had come across this book called "The Deep Self" by John Lilly, who talked about floating chambers. I went to a place in town that had them, and although I couldn't relax inside, the book seemed legit, so I decided to create an isolation chamber at home. I bought a free flow waterbed/heater and put it in my large walk-in closet. I went in there for several hours a day for the next 6 months, achieving this sort of half awake, half dreaming state. A few times I even took a few small magic mushrooms before going in there. But it didn't really help.

Then I tried taking various anti-anxiety herbal supplements like valerian root, phosphatidylserine etc, but none of it did very much, (except perhaps chamomile extract, which seemed to help a little bit). And I tried alcohol as well, though that didn’t help at all. A friend of mine even gave me a few pills of xanax to try, but they made me feel like a numb zombie, and I could feel the anxiety was there, unchanged in the background.

I thought that maybe all the stress that I had accumulated had caused my body to pump more cortisol and that that was causing the anxiety; but they did some tests and they found my cortisol levels to be completely normal. I tried exercising more, going to the park, spending more time with friends, helping to feed the homeless for good karma etc but nothing helped.

Finally I found something that helped: I took a 10 day Vipassana course, and it was a very substantial improvement and tension release. However, despite the improvements gotten from the course, and a few subsequent 10 day courses I've taken (as well as some on and off meditation at home) quite a bit of the anxiety remained, particularly an increased susceptibility to increased anxiety in dealing with people and the world generally, mostly felt in my solar plexus and my eyes, as before.

Also, as the anxiety was eased with the meditation, I noticed quite a bit of pent up anger which had apparently been suppressed, wanting to come out regularly. Fortunately, Im naturally a fairly happy guy, which at least countered some of the negative emotions.

I've tried a few things since, from the Kava Kava herb (which didn't help), to a low current electricity device I bought on craigslist called "CES Ultra" (Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation) which helped me a bit for about a month, but then gradually stopped having any effect. So it seems that meditation, and avoiding too much social interaction (except very close friends) is the only thing that really works, even if only partially. Does anyone think that I have some type of PTSD?

[Open Eyes]

Well, no one is qualified to diagnose you. However, it doesn't sound like you have PTSD. PTSD comes from trauma and I am not seeing any trauma discussed in anything you wrote.

It sounds like you have developed a bit of an anxiety issue. In my opinion it sounds like you were striving for some kind of perfection and there is really no way to ever be perfect and it must have been boring after a while playing that game constantly with so many women. It doesn't sound like you could ever really be relaxed and just be "you" and actually develop a relationship based on that. What's the point in having so many women anyway, nothing was actually "real" because it was just some kind of mind game you were playing all the time. It sounds like you actually forgot to just be "you" and now when you are around women the game becomes the focus and you don't want that anymore and you feel lost now. You were constantly playing some kind of Politically Correct dating game and lost yourself in the process.

[ChipperMonkey]

I don't think you have PTSD unless you have an unnamed qualifying trauma from your past and this stuff just stirred things up so to speak. PTSD is only caused by certain events including sexual trauma (rape, abuse, molestation), actual or perceived threats to your life, etc.

It sounds like you have anxiety issues. PTSD is to anxiety as a stab wound to the gut is to a paper cut. They are indeed worlds apart but along the same spectrum.

Ultimately, its good that you probably don't have PTSD.