how to deal with triggers when no one else understands...

How do you deal with triggers that no none else understands? I was molested throughout my childhood and suffer from ptsd from it. Even nudity in movies during sex scenes, strip clubs, or in general triggers my PTSD. Even when I'm alone so it's not jealousy. I get tense and angry and don't want to be touched or kissed. My bf doesn't understand this. Does anyone have any advice on this?

Are you seeing a therapist?

If so, ask them if you could bring your boyfriend in for a few sessions and/or provide you with some educational materials to give him.

The only advice I can offer is to not allow someone who doesn't understand (regardless of their relation to you) to minimize your condition or force you to do things that you don't want to do because that will only serve to traumatize you more and delay your recovery process.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

I'm not currently seeing a therapist due to financial troubles and lack of transportation. He doesn't understand why I "let" what has happened to me in the past affect me now.

I'm sorry you can't do therapy right now, perhaps some low cost to no cost services are available through your local government agencies ... These were a lifesaver for me when I had no insurance!

United Way (Dial 211) can also provide low to no cost services and references.

In the meantime, there are plenty of educational websites available, let Mr. Doesn't Get It educate himself, and then if he continues to disrespect you and your condition then, sadly, you'll have a major life decision to make pertaining to who you let be a part of your recovery process!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

This is a challenge that so many that struggle with PTSD get frustrated with. When they try to talk about how certain things trigger them what often is said to them is "well don't LET it bother you, or you need to not ALLOW, or JUST IGNORE". The average individual simply doesn't understand that it's not a question of "letting or allowing" but instead is intrusive and causes a deep reaction the sufferer genuinely doesn't want to experience.

What most do not understand is that "avoidance" is taking place on such a deep level that even the individual who is struggling isn't actually "consciously avoiding". It's often a lot of work for an individual to slowly identify the things that trigger them. Often that is only fundamental and not something an individual has gained on overcoming or managing, as a matter of fact what often frustrates the individual is how they can't seem to manage it, instead they find themselves struggling and often it's very uncomfortable and overwhelming and all they want to do is find some way of "avoiding and distancing" so this challenge eases up.

One of the things that has "angered me" is that when I am identifying something that bothers me and another individual responds with, well, if you know this then you have to "just control it". It is hard to have a relationship because of this challenge because often the response is "don't let/allow/just". What most sufferers would like is "yes, I know this is such a big challenge, it's good that you are identifying it slowly and that you are trying to slowly work through it". Usually, a partner will get frustrated and angry because they don't know what to do or how to fix it. Often when they express this frustration, it tends to trigger the one struggling even more. I have experienced this challenge a lot, and part of my "managing" has been to work my way towards managing how these responses tend to trigger me making my challenge even worse. I am sorry, because I do know how much "work" this is. The fact that you don't have a therapist you can vent to that understands and can help you continue to gain on managing better, it can get very lonely.

Please know you are not alone with this challenge, that at least you can come and vent here were others "do" understand what you are dealing with and that "yes" it is a lot of work to slowly figure out how to reduce how you are triggered.

In my own experience in recovering: journaling my frustrations, angers, hurts that have gone underground for years. "venting" can also be a slippery slope, unless you are here, or even in therapy. I would be mindful of what and who is being exposed.

be well
Jade