[Aracnae]

I'll put the rest of this in trigger markers, but I have a problem with my shins. I probably could have put this in the body dysmorphic forum as well, but it ties directly into my C-PTSD.

Possible trigger:

I have had an issue showing my shins in shorts or skirts because of burns. They aren't severe, or at least I know that in my head, but I have burns from cigarettes on my shins. No one has ever noticed them until they were pointed out, but in my head, it's like my shins are completely scarred up.

I have gotten somewhat better about it, and even wore shorts last summer, though I had anxiety the whole time. I keep trying to make myself wear them in hopes that I'll become desensitized to it. Does anyone else, or has anyone else struggled with this issue? I know it's a weird one.

[DesigningWoman]

It's not a weird issue at all. A lot of self-harmers struggle with body issues especially by self caused scars. I know I do.
[trigger] I compulsively scratch my face. I have been trying to stop for many years, but it is a deeply ingrained self harming/ self comforting grounding behavior. My skin on my face looks acne ravaged which is only part of the story. I don't wear make up because it bothers me and my tender, inflamed skin. I break out with zits even at 36 all the time. [trigger]
I can't even walk near a cosmetics counter. They pounce. I am horribly self conscious about my appearance. Here are well dressed, coiffed, perfumed women who feel completely free to critique me and my appearance. They tell me to buy hundreds of dollars worth of beauty products and then I'll look good. Thanks. That really makes me feel terrible. Particularly because I know, no cream is going to make 25 years of damage miraculously vanish.
I was trying to say something positive here about living with our scars, but frankly, I lost the energy.

[Aracnae]

Originally Posted by DesigningWoman

It's not a weird issue at all. A lot of self-harmers struggle with body issues especially by self caused scars. I know I do.
[trigger] I compulsively scratch my face. I have been trying to stop for many years, but it is a deeply ingrained self harming/ self comforting grounding behavior. My skin on my face looks acne ravaged which is only part of the story. I don't wear make up because it bothers me and my tender, inflamed skin. I break out with zits even at 36 all the time. [trigger]
I can't even walk near a cosmetics counter. They pounce. I am horribly self conscious about my appearance. Here are well dressed, coiffed, perfumed women who feel completely free to critique me and my appearance. They tell me to buy hundreds of dollars worth of beauty products and then I'll look good. Thanks. That really makes me feel terrible. Particularly because I know, no cream is going to make 25 years of damage miraculously vanish.
I was trying to say something positive here about living with our scars, but frankly, I lost the energy.

These ones are not from self-harm, but I understand. I actually feel the same way about cosmetics. I am allergic to most soaps and scents, so I just avoid them, but most women my age don't and think I'm odd. I also dress strangely and shave off my hair, so that doesn't help in my case, lol.

[DesigningWoman]

Originally Posted by Aracnae

These ones are not from self-harm, but I understand. I actually feel the same way about cosmetics. I am allergic to most soaps and scents, so I just avoid them, but most women my age don't and think I'm odd. I also dress strangely and shave off my hair, so that doesn't help in my case, lol.

I once was clothes shopping at Lane Bryant. This was about the only store I didn't feel awkward about my weight in. I picked out a lot of cute things and was at the register buying them. The female salesperson asked how old i was. I told her 36. She actually said critically "You look a lot older. You don't want to look so old do you?" Then she proceeded to rip apart my hair style. She decided that my hair was aging me terribly and I needed a cut ASAP. That it made me look elderly and awful. I was horrified and humiliated. I grabbed my bags and left. That spoiled Lane Bryant a supposedly accepting shop to this day.
Pretty much every day since, I wish I had informed the saleslady she could refund my money, put every item back on the shelf while I discussed her rude, unacceptable behavior with her boss. But I didn't. I took the cruel criticism of a total stranger woman who knew no more about fashion than I do. I felt horrible about my appearance and wanted to cry. Women can be incredibly cruel and callous about others and their own physical appearances.

[Aracnae]

Originally Posted by DesigningWoman

I once was clothes shopping at Lane Bryant. This was about the only store I didn't feel awkward about my weight in. I picked out a lot of cute things and was at the register buying them. The female salesperson asked how old i was. I told her 36. She actually said critically "You look a lot older. You don't want to look so old do you?" Then she proceeded to rip apart my hair style. She decided that my hair was aging me terribly and I needed a cut ASAP. That it made me look elderly and awful. I was horrified and humiliated. I grabbed my bags and left. That spoiled Lane Bryant a supposedly accepting shop to this day.
Pretty much every day since, I wish I had informed the saleslady she could refund my money, put every item back on the shelf while I discussed her rude, unacceptable behavior with her boss. But I didn't. I took the cruel criticism of a total stranger woman who knew no more about fashion than I do. I felt horrible about my appearance and wanted to cry. Women can be incredibly cruel and callous about others and their own physical appearances.

That's horrible! I don't experience this so much anymore, I think, because I shop 2nd hand or find my clothes in the trash (true story!). I never buy makeup, because I hate spending extra cash on something I'll probably be allergic to and is in reality just fancy dirt to put on your face. Where I shop, however, partly does come from the fact that I was treated ****** in mall stores in high school, so I learned the hard way that people in expensive stores are pretty crappy a lot of the time. I typically wear tye dye and loose, crazily patterned skirts, my hair is always mostly shaved and dyed crazy colors, and even without those things, my skin is terrible, I'm completely flat-chested, and I'm kinda fat. My kids' friend's parents and their teachers treat me like crap sometimes because of what I look like, but I don't really care. I have friends that like me how I am, and I like how I dress and wear my hair, so the people who judge me (and you too!) can screw themselves. Or at least that's how I'd like to think, if I didn't have so many crummy hang-ups.

[WhatDayIsItAgain]

My left leg is smaller from atophy from injury from a car crash. I recently was injured on the right knee and sholder (crime) so my right leg is swollen now. Now I am very lopsided in size on my thighs and calves. I hide this from others and I am ashamed of how I look... so we are having very similar reactions to very different situations. I can share what is wrong online because the snide remarks and cruel laughter from real life does not happen here.

Thanks for this post because I would not have been brave enough to admit I share those feelings without your honest leadership happening first. I try to concentrate on the positive self talk "Beauty comes from within" or "kindness is the real beauty" but when I wear shorts I find shame, vulunernbility and ugliness in the mirror. It is not my facial wrinkles or grey hair that bothers me it is my crooked unmatched legs that make me feel bad about myself. Both little or both fat is ok; one little and one fat is just not... normal. I wear pants or long skirts and I still worry others can see "what" is wrong with me anyway.

[Focus62]

I have two very red scars, one is probably 5 inches long, the other 3 inches or so, on my back that will never fade (they were infected and I did not get proper medical care when I was a child because they were results of abuse). I use dermablend to make them less red and overall less noticeable if, on a rare occasion, I decide to bare my shoulders/shoulder blades... They invite unwanted questions, so I understand your hesitancy to show your burns. Even if they're small and perhaps insignificant to others, they're not to us.

[DesigningWoman]

Originally Posted by WhatDayIsItAgain

My left leg is smaller from atophy from injury from a car crash. I recently was injured on the right knee and sholder (crime) so my right leg is swollen now. Now I am very lopsided in size on my thighs and calves. I hide this from others and I am ashamed of how I look... so we are having very similar reactions to very different situations. I can share what is wrong online because the snide remarks and cruel laughter from real life does not happen here.

Thanks for this post because I would not have been brave enough to admit I share those feelings without your honest leadership happening first. I try to concentrate on the positive self talk "Beauty comes from within" or "kindness is the real beauty" but when I wear shorts I find shame, vulunernbility and ugliness in the mirror. It is not my facial wrinkles or grey hair that bothers me it is my crooked unmatched legs that make me feel bad about myself. Both little or both fat is ok; one little and one fat is just not... normal. I wear pants or long skirts and I still worry others can see "what" is wrong with me anyway.

I wanted to share something with you. I am having a terrible day, but maybe I can brighten yours.
My best friend for many years who became the only one I have ever been truly in love with is a wonderful, caring, beautiful, and brilliant woman, who happened to not have the proper oxygen when she was born. Her twin brother was delivered first and has a pretty mild case of cerebral palsy. She wasn't so lucky. The right limbs of her body are contracted and atrophied. She limps and goes through life pretty much one handed. And I never gave a thought to it. I loved her so much. I loved her and her body is a part of her.
The only thing that ever upset me was how painful cerebral palsy is. I didn't like seeing her in pain from the intense spasms in her muscles.
We never became a romantic couple and eventually we drifted apart. I still automatically smile when I think of her beautiful self. I wonder now how much she thought about her two cp limbs when I barely noticed them

[phoenix7]

I have scars all over my body - I scar very easily - the ones on my arms are most noticeable - I used to be very self conscious - people thought the ones on my arms were from cigarette burns - they were a cross from self harm and insect bites that I am allergic to getting infected and so producing large scars that are taking literally years to fade away

I used to be embarrassed - used to wear long sleeves as often as possible - not possible at work - and people would ask if I had a disease or If it was catching - they would stare - trying not to -

it has taken a long time and I guess you would call it exposure therapy - (no pun intended ) but wearing short sleeves for ages now (its hot in Australia most of the year!) I barely notice if anyone looks - if they ask I will say its insect bite allergy scars - it doesn't bother me any more - it took a long time - but it was worth it

my scars are part of me - accept them and me or don't - that's your problem not mine

people may look or stare or ask - only we can build the strength within to not care

I wish you lots of happy days

P7

[phoenix7]

quote WhatDayIsitAgain:My left leg is smaller from atophy from injury from a car crash. I recently was injured on the right knee and sholder (crime) so my right leg is swollen now. Now I am very lopsided in size on my thighs and calves. I hide this from others and I am ashamed of how I look... so we are having very similar reactions to very different situations. I can share what is wrong online because the snide remarks and cruel laughter from real life does not happen here. end quote



Im sorry people are so mean - you are you and you are beautiful no matter how you are - our bodies are a shell that contains what is truly us and no-one can take that away

my heart goes out to you because people can be so stupid - that is because they are the damaged ones not you

sending hugs if ok

P7