[Nike007]

Trigger warning. Don't read if things trigger a negative response in you. You have been warned.

Hello. I have mentioned this before, but my family has triggered this thought in me once again by mentioning the person and that's what I've been thinking about all weekend.

So two years ago, we had a babysitter because my siblings were younger and my dad wanted us to do things. Anyways, he hired this woman in her fifties.

So one time as we were about to leave to go biking, she squeezed my butt and then commented that I have a nice (firm) butt. I can't see her without feeling like she's going to do that again and every time someone mentions her, I think of this incident.

This isn't really that bad, but it causes me anxiety if reminded. But my question is if someone does this to you and they don't mean it in a sexual way, would it still be under sexual harassment/assault, or would it be just harassment/assault? Because your butt is sometimes considered a sexual area, and I clearly don't want this particular person touching me like this. But I don't think she considered that a sexual act. It was inappropriate of course, I'm just unsure if it's considered sexual. Can something seem sexual to one person but not another for it to be sexual harassment or do both people have to believe it was sexual for it to be sexual harassment? This is my question. Thanks for any responses.

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[MtnTime2896]

Okay, so here's the thing: A person whom purposely touches what is deemed as a sexual area and comments "sexually" about said area is considered someone who's making a sexual advance. This is sexual harassment and I'd be very surprised if she herself did not mean this to be a sexual advance. People who do this sort of thing generally either don't see the wrong in doing so because they themselves are mentally ill, or they do see the wrong and are manipulative enough to either make you see otherwise or make others see differently. They either want to seem innocent or actually believe they are.
If you haven't already told your parents about this, you need to. Make it clear how uncomfortable it made you feel. If it has happened more than once, that makes telling your parents just that much more urgent, especially if you see this person regularly. From personal experience, it never ended with just a simple "misunderstanding". It ended a lot worse and has me so messed up now that my PTSD has landed me in the hospital twice and sent me through a special kind of mental hell.
What this woman has done isn't right and women are just as dangerous as men in this area. Perhaps worse, due to the fact that this is much less suspecting and more likely to work with children. They're women, right? They could never hurt a child. Bull****. You don't make someone, adult or child, this uncomfortable. Ever.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Okay, so here's the thing: A person whom purposely touches what is deemed as a sexual area and comments "sexually" about said area is considered someone who's making a sexual advance. This is sexual harassment and I'd be very surprised if she herself did not mean this to be a sexual advance. People who do this sort of thing generally either don't see the wrong in doing so because they themselves are mentally ill, or they do see the wrong and are manipulative enough to either make you see otherwise or make others see differently. They either want to seem innocent or actually believe they are.
If you haven't already told your parents about this, you need to. Make it clear how uncomfortable it made you feel. If it has happened more than once, that makes telling your parents just that much more urgent, especially if you see this person regularly. From personal experience, it never ended with just a simple "misunderstanding". It ended a lot worse and has me so messed up now that my PTSD has landed me in the hospital twice and sent me through a special kind of mental hell.
What this woman has done isn't right and women are just as dangerous as men in this area. Perhaps worse, due to the fact that this is much less suspecting and more likely to work with children. They're women, right? They could never hurt a child. Bull****. You don't make someone, adult or child, this uncomfortable. Ever.

Hello. I told my dad (parents are divorced) along with my grandparents and they all laughed at me, saying she was "being a grandmother". So they don't see it as a problem. My family finds it funny how I don't want to see her, even though I told them this happened to me. My brother was there when this happened and agreed that was inappropriate and why would she do that. I am terrified of her. It's been worse thinking about it because my brother has been playing this song called the sex offender song.

It never happened again because it was the last year my dad hired a babysitter, but...

[MtnTime2896]

I'm sorry that they laugh about this. Nothing about it is funny and wrong. I'm not sure how your relationship with your mother is but if she's around you should try to talk to her about it. I wish all of these adults took this sort of thing more seriously. Trust your instinct. If you're that scared, go with your gut and stick to it. Don't let their carelessness impact your decision making.
I had a lot of people who I thought would protect me discard my instincts and made me feel like I was just paranoid. No one really noticed or understood. I'm sorry that that is also happening to you as well. That alone can get under your skin. I guess the best advice I can give you about this is to look after yourself and make sure that you're never without an adult in the same room with this person.

[seesaw]

THat's not cool that they laughed about it, because yes, it was very much sexual harrassment and not right. Don't let their laughing invalidate your feelings. However it made you feel is what matters, not how she may have meant it. No matter what her age, grabbing your butt is very inappropriate and a boundary violation.

I agree that you should never be in the room alone with this person again. Or should just never be in the room with this person period.

Seesaw

It was way wrong that she did that. If you felt violated that's all that really matters. Your family laughing about it is just awful. Very invalidating. Do you see a therapist?

[amandalouise]

Im sorry but we can not tell you whether what you went through is abuse or not. Im not trying to deflect how it made you feel, just stating a fact. you see what is considered abuse is relative to ones own location and the laws in your own location. a persons culture and religion also dictates what is and isnt abuse for someone...

let me give you an example here in america it is considered abuse if a parent neglects their child health issues but it is not abuse if an american is of a religion that does not believe in obtaining health care outside of that religious community.

it is so easy for me as an american to see posts like you have wrote and just jump to the conclusion that yea this is abuse but then i have to temper that jumping to conclusion by remembering your profile says you are not in america and you may not be of the same culture or religion as I am. it may very well be that in your location\culture or religion and what have you where you are, that this is not abuse, it may very well be just a grandmother being a grandmother by your locations standards.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your or a treatment provider (doctor, therapist psychiatrist) or your local law inforcement program, any of them will be able to tell you whether what you went through is abuse and why. they can also help you get into therapy and what have you so that you can better understand the laws and such and how you are feeling, and deal with how this situation has made you feel.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by rose1985

It was way wrong that she did that. If you felt violated that's all that really matters. Your family laughing about it is just awful. Very invalidating. Do you see a therapist?

I don't see a therapist, but see a social worker and pdoc until Thursday. Then I don't have a pdoc.

If I were you I would look into getting therapy...

Remember if you felt violated, then it's wrong what she did.