[MtnTime2896]

I was told last night that having episodes where I'm missing time is a severe dissociative symptom of PTSD. During these blackout, is what I'm calling them, its like I open my eyes and I'm randomly in a different room or have something in my hands I don't remember grabbing. Now, these only seem to be lasting for minutes at a time but that's not what bothers me.
I've been on this sort of autopilot state of mind for a while now. I usually just don't have any emotion towards anything. Now sometimes I do and it usually just goes back to autopilot after a couple minutes. In contrast, when I "wake up" I've noticed a change in my breathing (in conjunction with being upset), something broken, my fists hurting and apparently I called my friend telling him that I was going to kill myself (keep in mind I don't remember doing these things). I didn't believe him and played back the message I'd left on his answering machine. Yep, it was me but I don't ever remember making that call, let alone saying those things.
Its like, when I go into these blackouts, I actually have emotion. Emotion to the point of being violently suicidal with homicidal tendencies. I didn't realize I was doing this when I posted on here before about not knowing why people were so scared of me. Apparently I'm scaring a lot of people. Including myself, at this point. There is the whole "What if I hurt myself," question but I'm more worried about hurting someone else when I'm in this state. I wouldn't even be able to remember doing it.

What do I do about this?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I was told last night that having episodes where I'm missing time is a severe dissociative symptom of PTSD. During these blackout, is what I'm calling them, its like I open my eyes and I'm randomly in a different room or have something in my hands I don't remember grabbing. Now, these only seem to be lasting for minutes at a time but that's not what bothers me.
I've been on this sort of autopilot state of mind for a while now. I usually just don't have any emotion towards anything. Now sometimes I do and it usually just goes back to autopilot after a couple minutes. In contrast, when I "wake up" I've noticed a change in my breathing (in conjunction with being upset), something broken, my fists hurting and apparently I called my friend telling him that I was going to kill myself (keep in mind I don't remember doing these things). I didn't believe him and played back the message I'd left on his answering machine. Yep, it was me but I don't ever remember making that call, let alone saying those things.
Its like, when I go into these blackouts, I actually have emotion. Emotion to the point of being violently suicidal with homicidal tendencies. I didn't realize I was doing this when I posted on here before about not knowing why people were so scared of me. Apparently I'm scaring a lot of people. Including myself, at this point. There is the whole "What if I hurt myself," question but I'm more worried about hurting someone else when I'm in this state. I wouldn't even be able to remember doing it.

What do I do about this?

here in my location the term black out is usually used to refer to things like road rage, rage, alcohol and drug usage so thank you very much for explaining your usage of the word equals time loss, and not remembering.

yes America now does include elements of dissociation with in the PTSD label.

question do you know what ...triggers....your time loss and memory problems? reason I ask is because in my location dissociative problems are a reaction to a trigger (something happens to make a person numb, spaced out, disconnected, have memory problems or in your usage of the word black out)

sometimes the trigger for me is stress, sometimes its the medication I am on, sometimes its not eating right, sometimes its not getting enough sleep....

for me once I know what is triggering the memory\time loss problems its easier to handle and know what to do about it.

the fact that you recognize that this is happening and that its you doing it is a positive thing. it shows with work you can get control of this problem. it may take time but it can happen.

my suggestion maybe you and your therapist (or one in your location) can find a way to document when this is happening so that you can find the trigger, then you will know what you need to do to get the problem in control so that you and others around you are not so afraid.

[Skeezyks]

Hello So leigheas: I'm sorry you are having these experiences. They must be frightening. I'm afraid I would only be able to suggest the obvious... discuss what you are experiencing with your psychiatrist if you have one, or seek one out to talk to if you don't. I wish you well...