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#1
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I hate that my T diagnosed me with PTSD because it feels like I am faking the illness and faking the trauma.
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![]() LucyD, OneDay89, Open Eyes, Out There
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![]() LucyD, OneDay89
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#2
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But I used to feel that way you do now, long ago. The problem is that the people in my life have always invalidated my perspective and experiences, so much so that they don't even remember what I tell them about what has happened to me. I mean, my sister can remember in great detail the plots and details of books she read years ago, and movies she saw years ago, but she can't remember anything of what I told her last week. It took me a long time to put a name/label on things that have happened to me because I couldn't believe they were the same things. Certainly I must be exaggerating my suffering, trying to look for excuses to get attention and to feel sorry for myself. --Ceara1010
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Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. -Ernest Shackleton |
![]() LucyD
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![]() Jensitive22, LucyD
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#3
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I understand how you guys feel. I have been invalidated by some and told I should have gotten over the trauma but duh!!! (on their part!) It's PTSD-that's the way it goes, it happens after the trauma and sometimes does not come on until something triggers it years later as was the case with me. My sister said her divorce was worse than me being raped (not going into the whole story). I never wanted to compare them but why did she do that? I don't know but it sure felt like invalidation. Others have said that it was so long ago-like I should be over it. That's the way it is with PTSD, though. It can last a real long time and there are reasons for that, too. For me it was lack of support when the trauma happened, no one caring, could not talk about it, and more. I also went to a therapist who used questionable therapy on me and caused me to get OCD on top of PTSD. So, now I am afraid to get more therapy. Haven't even been able to talk about this either. Thanks for reading this.
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![]() BrazenApogee, Ceara1010, cinnamonstick, Open Eyes, Out There
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#4
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Yes, and lack of support re-traumatizes you. --Ceara1010
__________________
Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. -Ernest Shackleton |
![]() BrazenApogee, cinnamonstick, Out There
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![]() BrazenApogee, LucyD, Open Eyes
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#5
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It's actually not surprising that a part of you would feel that you are faking it. Truth is, you most likely had a lot more control over your emotions, probably had to in order to keep going.
It's important to keep in mind that a "traumatic" event or even several mini to more threatening trauma's can cause more stress and stress can affect the brain negatively over long periods. Perhaps a good comparison would be to think about how if your computer gets too many viruses and begins to get slow. Actually, comparing the brain with a computer is helpful because computers were designed to work a lot like a human being's brain. The only thing computers don't have is "emotions", but that is being worked on too as I am typing this. The thing about emotions is that when a human being is having an emotional experience, a human being is more driven to seek out other human beings for support/comfort. We as human beings take a long time to develop, we survive best when we form groups and connect emotionally. A young child has a better chance of surviving when having a built in reminder where the child gets frightened and has a desire to get help from the parent, to look for safety and encouragement and also slowly learn how to reduce "stress" so that "learning and achieving" can take place. The most important part of development is not so much how fast one learns, but to understand that each human being actually learns by "doing and experiencing". While human beings are designed like many other living things in "survival of the fittest", often it is this aspect that can become "harmful" in that "if" there is too much focus on "competing" and not enough nurturing that supports each human being to learn and gain at whatever capacity that human being "can" learn and gain, then "stress" begins to interfere with how a human being develops their own understanding of self and ability to learn and gain and problem solve. Ceara, you are correct in that if someone who has been traumatized enough where that individual struggles with post traumatic stress and doesn't get the right help/support/validation for whatever that individual has experienced that traumatized them to where they struggle and find themselves overwhelmed and often debilitated, it can serve to further traumatize them. When someone has experienced a trauma or several traumas where their ability to manage "stress" and maintain a sense of personal balance is disrupted, it is very important that individual have access to an environment where they can feel SAFE and have the time and support to evaluate and process whatever they need to regain a sense of "balance" again. Unfortunately, when a human being is experiencing "emotional" distress and they NEED to have another human being present to ALLOW them to feel/grieve/and express normal human emotions, often they are considered "weak" instead of recognizing the genuine need to just be able to FEEL. Many individuals, EVEN PROFESSIONALS, shy away from an individual who is experiencing emotional stress/duress. This has more to do with their "lack" of understanding the symptoms, and, what that individuals needs to help them regain a sense of their ability to feel more emotionally balanced. When someone experiences PTSD, that means there is a deep LOSS and a significant NEED to GREIVE that loss no matter what is involved in that loss. Often it can take time for someone struggling to find their way through what a loss/trauma meant to them "personally". Often an individual who is struggling can get VERY CONFUSED as with PTSD, they find themselves having significant challenges they do not understand. |
![]() Ad Intra, Ceara1010
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![]() Ad Intra, BrazenApogee, Ceara1010
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#6
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I totally understand where you are coming from.
In my case I think it's because the PTSD didn't fully surface until years later after I suffered an additional trauma. Some of the original trauma never fully surfaced and some of the memory isn't even there for me to access and process. It doesn't feel real. Just remember that PTSD can't be faked. If you were diagnosed it is likely that the clinician saw a lot of things that can't be faked. When I was diagnosed I didn't even know what the problem was, I just thought I was going crazy. ![]() |
![]() BrazenApogee, Ceara1010, LucyD, OneDay89
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![]() BrazenApogee, LucyD, OneDay89
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#7
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I feel this as well. Sometimes I say things that feel like a lie as I am saying them. I know that sounds like it doesn't make sense but that is how I feel.
I still have trouble accepting that I have PTSD and it can still feel like a lie when I say it. In any case, know that you aren't the only one experiencing this, but don't let it stop you. |
![]() Ceara1010, LucyD
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![]() LucyD
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#8
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Quote:
--Ceara1010
__________________
Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. -Ernest Shackleton |
![]() LucyD
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![]() LucyD
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#9
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Yes. So much, all the time... t says things similar to what's been mentioned above. Actually, I'm surprised she's still so patient with me about the whole conversation.
I did previously have a t who effectively called me a drama queen on more than one occasion though. Now i'm again super-aware of how I say things. Current t (and the two t's after the one who said I was always drama) has remained empathetic and continues to deny the "drama queen" label. I dunno. Maybe I am. :shrugs: |
![]() Ceara1010, LucyD
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![]() LucyD
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#10
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I keep thinking about this thread.
In my first posted reply to it, I said I no longer thought I was faking my symptoms/illness. I said I used to grapple with thinking I faked it, but have now accepted my symptoms are real, and the Dx is accurate. However, on further reflection, I must admit that I frequently have to reaffirm to myself what my condition is. I go to the DSM and other places to revisit my diagnoses, and make sure it’s true. Sometimes I have to read the symptom lists several times before I recognize myself in them. Even though I was Dx-ed by a pdoc, I still am grappling with completely accepting my illnesses. I don’t know if it’s denial, or invalidation (i.e. thinking I’m faking). Maybe it’s both. I’ve got almost a ritual going on with re-checking my PTSD Dx. First I go to the list of symptoms somewhere. I read them. Then, my first reaction is always, “Oh, this is a mistake. None of this is me.” Then I think about it a little more. I read it again, and I see, yes, it sounds a bit like me, but maybe not as much as I thought earlier. Then I read it a third or fourth time, at the end of which I finally see how I exhibit almost every symptom quite obviously. I do this ritual every few months and I’ve done it for years. (I did it the other day.) I guess thinking you are faking it can be viewed as a form of denial along with being a form of invalidation. So I have to say now that, yeah, I still do this. I have just been using different words. --Ceara1010
__________________
Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. -Ernest Shackleton |
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