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Old Oct 29, 2009, 05:48 PM
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Zen888 Zen888 is offline
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I know I am not unique or alone when I say I have been physically abused.

I was physically assualted 3 years ago and I am still devasted by the memories. I live alone with my dog and often find myself worrying about my physical safety.

I have thoughts that someone is going to come and hurt me. I have racing thoughts and my body trembles.

The people who physically assualted me were people in authority 3 years ago.

I try to remind myself that the assualt happened years ago and if these people or their associates wanted to harm me again they would have done so many years ago.

Why don't I feel safe? Why do I constantly worry about my physical safety? When will I be able to let my "guard" down?
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  #2  
Old Oct 30, 2009, 08:46 AM
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reg12 reg12 is offline
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Location: Houston, Texas
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We have a tendancy to keep thinking about trauma over and over. Our minds keep reminding us. You have to face what happened and look at what sets off the thoughts. There is fear, self doubt, guilt, something that is driving the memory. I believe that you have to take back the control over your life that they took from you or remain as you are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen888 View Post
I know I am not unique or alone when I say I have been physically abused.

I was physically assualted 3 years ago and I am still devasted by the memories. I live alone with my dog and often find myself worrying about my physical safety.

I have thoughts that someone is going to come and hurt me. I have racing thoughts and my body trembles.

The people who physically assualted me were people in authority 3 years ago.

I try to remind myself that the assualt happened years ago and if these people or their associates wanted to harm me again they would have done so many years ago.

Why don't I feel safe? Why do I constantly worry about my physical safety? When will I be able to let my "guard" down?
Thanks for this!
Zen888
  #3  
Old Oct 30, 2009, 11:16 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Thanks for this!
Zen888
  #4  
Old Oct 31, 2009, 12:08 AM
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Catherine2 Catherine2 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2009
Location: In The Moon Shine
Posts: 1,306
Zen,
Jmo, but three years is really not that long of a time when it comes to an assault.
My last one was nearly three and a half years ago, but occasionally I will have times of intense fear also. It was such a help to me to attend a free support group, there were also free lessons on self defense. Although I didn't think I needed it because of my military service, I learned a great deal about protecting myself.
It did not give me a false sense of security, but it did help me realize that I could indeed defend myself.

Letting your guard down...again, jmo/jme, but it will never really go down but it will evolve into a more comfortable level...if that makes sense.
Early on it helped me to make sure I was safe at home as far as locks, lighting, etc.. It time I was alert but did not feel helpless.
What ways do you feel you could feel empowered? What made me comfortable may not be what you need, perhaps coming up with your own plan will do it.

In Peace
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Thanks for this!
Zen888
  #5  
Old Oct 31, 2009, 12:22 AM
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googley googley is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 7,516
(((((((Zen)))))))

Please be gentle with yourself. I wish I had more words for you right now, but I don't it's kind of late. It is not your fault. Feeling safe again can take a long time. Take it one moment and one day at a time. Are you talking about it with a T? If not, you should 'cus they'll be able to help.
Thanks for this!
Zen888
  #6  
Old Oct 31, 2009, 11:09 AM
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Zen888 Zen888 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,886
I don't have any mental health support services right now.

The people that assualted me were security guards at a hospital and the police.

I was left with bruised hands and wrists. And a swollen, bruised, and bloody right knee.

I had a manic episode in which I was loud and talking nonsense. I was not physically aggressive or violent at all.

I jump out of my skin everytime I see security guards or police.
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