[MtnTime2896]

My nightmare last night shook me up pretty bad. I feel even more tired than when I went to bed. I was lost in it and I couldn't move. I also occasionally suffer from a form of sleep paralyses, which really doesn't help when I'm having a memory dream considering I just kept trying to get away and couldn't move.
I just started therapy again this past Monday, and while I felt better after our first meeting, it brought everything up pretty bad over these past couple nights. This is a big reason I quit doing therapy in the first place. It's just so much easier to keep from addressing it. Because if I don't address it, the symptoms are there but I can put them back in a little box, sometimes, and shut them back up without getting too lost in it. With therapy, I actually have to deal with it and notice it. What sucks is the fact that I didn't even really talk about the trauma, just mentioned that it happened. From there I just discussed symptoms I suffer from. He's a good therapist, he didn't push me, not once. So, I can't blame this on him or that I had to talk about it. I have nothing to blame it on, other than the one consistent thing that causes my symptoms to get worse: Therapy itself.
I won't quit going but damn this is going to suck. I'm not on any medication and I don't want to be. My therapist fully supports this decision unless it gets entirely unbearable. I've been okay just pushing it to the side. I don't know if I'm ready to deal with this, guys. I just don't know if I can handle it, or if I can ever handle what happened. Hell, I don't even think I've fully accepted it.

[Open Eyes]

I can relate, therapy can be a challenge, but after a while you will find that you can process it better and accept that it happened and work towards finding your way forward in spite of it. I can't say enough "patience" with this is very important "patience and self care". Also, you don't have to go into details, it's up to you, you will figure out what you need to talk about and what you don't have to talk about.

A good trauma therapist will not push you, instead will want you to feel "safe" so you begin to feel it's ok for you to talk about it.