[Esmeralda&PTSD]

Background, I have PTSD due to childhood abuse but I am doing quite well. I however could use a bit of advice on something. How can I help my fiance understand why I occasionally get scared when play wrestling with him? He and I got together after I resolved the majority of my problems so he hasn't had to deal with many of my PTSD related issues. I don't get scared near as often or easily as I use to and most of the time I can communicate well enough to end the interaction without problems but sometimes on a bad day I can't. He has trouble telling when I am actually panicking and sometimes doesn't give me the space I need when I tell him I need it. When this happens in my panic I may lash out. I feel incredibly guilty while also feeling hurt that he would not listen when I tell him I don't want to be pinned and he feels betrayed and like he is being made out to be a bad guy. As I am about half his size and trying desperately to stay calm he never ends with more than a fading red mark but this needs to stop. Advice would be deeply appreciated.

Your boyfriend doesn't understand boundaries.

No means no.

And if he can't accept that no means no, then yes, he IS the "bad guy".

It's kind of sick that he's flipping it all around on you when he is the one who needs to learn to back off when you tell him to.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Esmeralda&PTSD

Background, I have PTSD due to childhood abuse but I am doing quite well. I however could use a bit of advice on something. How can I help my fiance understand why I occasionally get scared when play wrestling with him? He and I got together after I resolved the majority of my problems so he hasn't had to deal with many of my PTSD related issues. I don't get scared near as often or easily as I use to and most of the time I can communicate well enough to end the interaction without problems but sometimes on a bad day I can't. He has trouble telling when I am actually panicking and sometimes doesn't give me the space I need when I tell him I need it. When this happens in my panic I may lash out. I feel incredibly guilty while also feeling hurt that he would not listen when I tell him I don't want to be pinned and he feels betrayed and like he is being made out to be a bad guy. As I am about half his size and trying desperately to stay calm he never ends with more than a fading red mark but this needs to stop. Advice would be deeply appreciated.

Wow, one thing is neither of you need to be striking the other. It leads to retaliation and more violence. There's some other posts in here about talking with a loved one about the condition. Look it up on Google and see what you get maybe search of "How to make a loved one understand PTSD" Maybe if you printed off some short articles about he may understand a little. Just a side note you don't need to marry this guy. I know it's none of my business but I'm 57 years old and seen this situation many times. The violence will get worse after you are married. Just really think about it. Find some one who will love you completely and wants to know how to help. Don't settle.

[gr8ful B]

Talk with him. Maybe come up with a word, that when you say it, all play STOPS.