[Halloweengirl]

I'm sure a lot of people can relate. I have to smile and act confident all of the time. At my work. I have to interact with a lot of people, and showing my soft underbelly is not an option. I also have to fake normalcy with most people I know. Only a few friends know that I suffer to the extent that I do. Some that know me better than others think of me as an "over thinker" or "perfectionist" or "self deprecating". But they have no idea how crippling some of my issues are. Outwardly, I seem successful and cheerful. But it's hard to do sometimes. You wish you could talk to people and let them know what is going on with you. Most people wouldn't understand if you opened up to them. The idea of someone seeing you as weak is intolerable. Especially since you are fighting to counteract irrational feelings of worthlessness already. Sometimes I want to tell somebody that isn't dealing with me squarely - "look, give me a break, I'm dealing with some severe mental issues here - and you have NO idea!". But there is no way you can say that. Without it backfiring. The last thing I want is anybody thinking there is something off balance or "wrong" with me. Especially since I'm just starting to realize the negative impact things that happened to me in the past have shaped my needlessly negative self talk. I do have a few good friends who understand. It's just a lonely feeling sometimes. Very difficult to put on a false front. I wondered if anyone had any comments on this. One thing I will say, is that it helps me to remember that you never know what is going on in other people's lives. The seemingly happiest, most successful people you see - you have no idea what they may ACTUALLY be going through. So maybe at least that's a positive. Having empathy for strangers. Even grouchy people on the street, or some stranger that acts negative or scowls for no reason. You just never know. Thoughts?