[Jennifer1084]

I was with my boyfriend last night and we were doing things but then all of a sudden as always I got flashbacks. But they were alot worse this time. I told him I couldn't and things were just really messed up. I was starting to go away in my mind and the flashbacks were just so intense. He left the room and then I had this urge or this feeling that I needed to lay on the floor. I did that and he never came to ask if I was ok or anything, I was in obvious distress. But I found out later it's because he thought I had switched or whatever. But then we were talking and he got upset and he decided he wanted to go home, so I took him home and I was a little teaful at first, but as soon as he got out of the car, I started balling. By then I had decided i really needed to talk to someone when I got home, that was after 2 am. But then see I have this other problem, I really don't want to do that with him, not yet anyway, I am not really ready for that. But something for some reason tells me that I have to, that I need to do what he wants. I really think it all stems from my past abuse history and the way I was brought up. I don't know what to do though. I just am having a hard day and a hard time with all of it. He did agree though that he wouldn't push it anymore, so that is good. I just hope it will work. I just don't know if I can leave him, I am connected to him. Any suggestions? or anything?

Jennifer

if this is someone you really want to have a relationship with, I'd say to communicate with him. Let him know you aren't readdy yet and ask him to support you in this decision until you talk about it again. As for the flash backs, it sounds like something that your therapist may be able to help you alleviate.