***** trigger ***** poem --- THINGS I SEE

What vile and contemptuous things I see
How did I not know it was and is of me?
Abundantly flowing it makes me ill
I am the spring of free flowing ill will

Divided I am or so I am told
Multiplied in me the events of old
Divided so much I did not know?
The basic math of me now unfolds -----------the disgust of my life as a whole

Unveiling its dark and unappealing face
dissociations' place of auto erase
Now I understand the secrets of me
What vile and contemptuous things I see

The price of surviving, is it worth the cost?
Floundering drowning – im completely lost
things have never been what they seemed to be
What vile and contemptuous thing I see

Not given to rash or irreversible behavior
This sole trait is my one true savior
Trying not to sit and think too long
On all I know that i have done wrong

Trying not to worry is this the full extent?
Filtering carefully how I vent.
Careful not to expose in entirety
What vile and contemptuous things I see

attempting to hold on to some positive thought
My grip is loosened by all the lies that I bought
Lies I told myself so that I wouldn’t believe
The vile and contemptuous things I now see

POWERFUL STUFF z0ey!

But I hope you are NOT disgusted with yourself.

Hugs

who me?
lol

z

oh sweet ((((((((((((((((((zoey)))))))))))))))))))))

you're such a blessing to me.

kd

and u, me

ty kd foralways seeming to find a flashlight on this seemingly dark life path -- i find myself in... without it i would be consumed with darkness

lots of love kd lots of love
z

Beautiful poem. and healing worth it? for me yes it is worth going through the pain that I forgot. because with remembering and going through it comes it not ever hurting me again. hang in there.

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myself said:
Beautiful poem. and healing worth it? for me yes it is worth going through the pain that I forgot. because with remembering and going through it comes it not ever hurting me again. hang in there.

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im gonna go with that thought..... what choice do i have, really?
lol

thank you and too. glad your here.

You don't disgust me. Actually, your eloquence really impresses me. But your pain saddens me. I think myself's reply summed up how I feel. You're worth the struggle to heal. I'm just so sorry that it is so painful.
Safe hugs if ok {{{zOey}}}

no worries it aint all that .. lol ummmm just me being ummmmmm dramatic or something
thanks for your kind words -- and u too myself

z
to be honest i dont even remember right thing the freaking thing lol

omg what if i plagerized it?????

lol. I love your sense of humour.

ummmmm im glad in all of ummmmthis--- whatever this is -- i can still make ppl smile -- u dont think someone stole my name lol and put this poem under my name do u ??? lol
thanks for saying umm about the umm humor stuff
z

You express yourselves well through poetry, imo. Being able to see things means you are begining to heal ... being able to wonder and work through memories little by little... it's a good thing. TC ((zozo))) You are not what you "remember."

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_Sky said:
You express yourselves well through poetry, imo. Being able to see things means you are begining to heal ... being able to wonder and work through memories little by little... it's a good thing. TC ((zozo))) You are not what you "remember."

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no????
how is that? that possibility hmmm no?
that doesnt even compute -- im trying to figure what that even means -- and the implication of its meaning ???

if i express my well in poetry ... lol ... u ummmm ask prodound questions ... im thinking .. i dont get ur meaning .. even while thinking i really should

explain if u can what that means -- here or pm -- in concrete terms if u can

thanks sky for stopping me dead in my tracks of descent

z

OK. (((safe hugs))) When we remember things, or are triggered by things we don't recall, they are still memories. Memories are not "us." We are not what we think about, or what we think we remember. We are humans having memories at that point. Memories are in the past. They can be very bad.

You are still a good person, though!

ty for the post sky

can u tell me are we -- what evidence shows us we are?/are doing? seeing not as in memories rather as in seeing proof of what we are ... not memories ... proof that has more than likely always been available but for whatever reason never seen -- is that what we are?

might be an unanswerable question from the outside but from this side .. i think yes we are what evidence points to

z

((((((((((((((zoey))))))))))))))))

please remember that while you're being faced with "evidence", you are my friend and cared about by so many. you do not change to us...not ever. we care. you care...no matter what. there are some things that don't change, dear one. that's what i find so beautiful about all like us...we've been changed, but with some things never change.

no matter where you're at or what you do, you stop in your tracks to be there as much as possible for someone who needs you. bottom line...that's beautiful.

so while you're "remembering" and facing "evidence", allow us to give you some things to help you to even it out somewhat. you're not defined by what might be going on right now.

much love,

kd

u said kd ----- so while you're "remembering" and facing "evidence", allow us to give you some things to help you to even it out somewhat. you're not defined by what might be going on right now----

kd ,
without concerning myself with what this means ... im gonna hold onto it for what it is ... life perserver .... gonna go with this and hold on tight and stay afloat .. perhaps somtime when more able to do so we can figure out what this means --- as now i only have the energy to hold on.
u are to me more than u can know -- thanks once again ---

well i sort of lied i have the energy to hold on to my perserver and fling one your way -- here goes:
---hang in there kiddo i have to believe these turbid waters will give way to a babbling stream -- all we have to do is keep our heads above water long enough to get there --- it will be lovely kd when we get there --- right? lol


z

*****((((hugs))))******* You are a human being, with all the good ideas and love and support and wishes for all those you know.

Memories of events, things that maybe others did, are NOT who or what you are. They are things that happened. You are not what you've gone through. But what you have gone through has shaped how you are now.

No one who asks questions of concern, posts support for others, has good wishes for others can be bad inside. You are a good person for caring. You happen to be remembering some not so good things.

You know what zOey? Whatever it is you're thinking, remembering, feeling ... one thing about you is startlingly clear ...

i think i understand ur meaning sky
thanks for explaining
z

sounds easy enough lol

lol you rock for saying that with a straight face
i love you woman more than u can know

your zozo