[Seleknight]

I was in a emotionally abusive relationship about 4 years ago. We dated for five years. He constantly cheated on me and abused me. The relationship ended on very bad terms (as they would in any abusive relationship)
Now..I am dating a wonderful guy. Someone I consider my best friend and the love of my life.
There is one issue. Whether I dream about him or my ex... They swap places. My current boyfriend becomes the antagonist.
In the dreams I can't differentiate between the two. I want to stop dreaming about my crazy ex. I constantly repress my memories of him. That past relationship has caused me to have severe trust issues in all my relationships in life. I have trouble keeping friendships.
I love my boyfriend to death, and I have never been so comfortable and happy with someone. I don't know why I am having such insecurities. I want it to stop.

[RubyRae]

Sorry for what you went through.Have you considered counseling to help move past all this?

[Open Eyes]

It sounds like you are experiencing genuine fears as to "if" this person you love and trust so much can somehow hurt you or there is a fear of losing him in some way. You were in a toxic abusive relationship for a long time and it has left you with deep trust issues.

Have you spent time with a therapist about this challenge? A therapist can help and reassure you so you don't feel so alone with this challenge.

[NUBIFER]

Learning to trust again after being abused is a process and what you're going through with your boyfriend now is not unusual. I agree with others that therapy can help. I had similar dreams/nightmares when my husband and I were dating and first got married. I even punched him once when I was having a nightmare that I was being attacked again. The poor guy was trying to wake me and comfort me gently, but in that not quite awake state with the nightmare so real in my mind, I thought he was trying to hold me down (not him in my mind but my attacker) and reflexively punched him thinking I was protecting myself. Sigh . . . I felt so awful about it! My therapist explained it was like feelings I had kept in check to protect myself (allowing myself to open up emotionally or get close to someone again) can make you feel vulnerable for a bit. It can get better for you! Don't give up on you having a decent relationship with a decent guy!

[Seleknight]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Sorry for what you went through.Have you considered counseling to help move past all this?

I have been going through counselling for years. But im in a tough spot atm. So i cant pay for it.

[Seleknight]

Originally Posted by NUBIFER

Learning to trust again after being abused is a process and what you're going through with your boyfriend now is not unusual. I agree with others that therapy can help. I had similar dreams/nightmares when my husband and I were dating and first got married. I even punched him once when I was having a nightmare that I was being attacked again. The poor guy was trying to wake me and comfort me gently, but in that not quite awake state with the nightmare so real in my mind, I thought he was trying to hold me down (not him in my mind but my attacker) and reflexively punched him thinking I was protecting myself. Sigh . . . I felt so awful about it! My therapist explained it was like feelings I had kept in check to protect myself (allowing myself to open up emotionally or get close to someone again) can make you feel vulnerable for a bit. It can get better for you! Don't give up on you having a decent relationship with a decent guy!

I have gone to therapy a lot for my PTSD but this is a new thing. I think you are all right when you say I should talk about it more with a psychologist. And i am sorry tou had to deal with this. Thank you for your support