[MtnTime2896]

The other day was the end of a five year relationship for me. We were even engaged. There were two main reasons my ex wanted us to go on a break (which I advanced to an official breakup because I needed it one way or another, but I wanted to be fair to the both of us): Reason one is because he isn't sure if he's still in love with me and hasn't been for a couple months. Reason two is because it's all just been too hard on him. The fact that he was honest with me is something I appreciate. I also can't hold much of a grudge since he's doing what's right for him (something I've been telling him to do throughout the last couple years of our relationship).

However, none of this changes how this has made me feel. I genuinely feel like I'm just too damaged. Something I haven't felt since before our relationship began. I forgot how much that feeling sucks. I always felt like I was the "weakest link" out of the two of us. Not that he made me feel that way, just how my head decided to screw with me. Recently, I've been having another bad bout of symptoms (more so than normal) and I was opening up to my ex about it. So, the fact that he said that and wanted to take a break from me for it... it's made me feel broken and useless.

I am useless in almost every way. I can't hold a job, I can rarely be intimate and I just add on stress. Stress is all I'm ****ing good for. The thing is, I don't know if it was me confiding in him a little more or keeping so much locked away that pushed him toward this. There's still so much I will never talk about. So much that's just evidence I deserve a cold hell to burn in for eternity. And so much that's evidence I may already be there. My ex knew only so much, the things that were ever-so-slightly less painful to talk about. Maybe he didn't need to know all of it to figure out no one can really love me.

Wow, so this was some "Woe is me" bs. Sorry for that.

[PumpkinPieHead]

So Leighas :Hug:

Relationships are hard, especially for us PTSD afflicted folks. Sometimes people do need a little space. True love will find a way, and if it isn't true love, then we need the right one to come along anyway, don't we?

PS I still sleep like poo

[cptsdwhoa]

I am so sorry for the loss of your relationship. I'm so happy that you felt brave enough to share and seek support

I'm just now starting my healing journey. It really helps me to know that I'm not alone so thank you again for sharing. Please try not to be too hard on yourself as you mourn this loss. I'm the same way. I really am very hard on myself, but I believe we can learn to have more compassion for ourselves in the long run. Especially when these dang symptoms of out ptsd come up.

Oh how I can relate! I so understand the leap we take in our relationships. I'm currently too afraid and feel too "damaged" to entertain the idea of romantic relationships and have no idea what I'm doing with my friends and few supporters (and that includes this forum). That goes back years for me. I tried to break up with my high school boyfriend even because he was trying to tell me that he loved me.

Please don't apologize for needing to get these feelings out. I understand (and I understand that feeling of apologizing for it...I do the same). I SO understand the thoughts of deserving to suffer. Just try to remember (once the dust settles) that that isn't true.

I hope I'm making sense and I hope you feel better