[chalmette70043]

do i just need to get over myself? Is that what it is? why is it driving me crazy? causing anxiety to eat me alive? why is it so hard to just do it?

First step: (Its therapy i'm told) Get triggered by it, but still accomplish the goal.

Will i ever beat this and get to a place of comfort and security?

[Perna]

You are the right size, it's the pants that don't fit :-)

There's no getting over yourself, you aren't the problem. It's very hard to do scary things that trigger us! Can you do it with someone? I try to take a friend along with some of the things that I want and get some good practice with things not going bad. Doing something over and over and not having something bad happen can make it easier to do (though not necessarily comfortable or your favorite thing or anything).

I think the biggest thing is to try and relax. Yes things could happen in the future but they're not happening right this very minute. I try to remember other scary things that I lived through. When I was on a ski lift in the summer (had never been on a ski lift) and my husband and I together weigh 600 pounds and all that was holding the gondola up was that little "hook" it was very scary for me. My husband is an engineer so I ask him about the safety and he points out things I don't think of like people in winter; often there are 3+ in a gondola and they have their heavy winter clothes and boots on and their skis, etc. so weigh more than we do. I finally had to resort to "accepting" that the gondola might fall and I might die but if it was my last moments on earth riding that lift up the mountain, I might as well see/enjoy the scenery and lovely summer day!

Bad things might happen in the future but staying in the moment is safe.

[_Hope_]