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#1
In addition to cPTSD, when I sought treatment I suffered malpractice and a string of related traumas inflicted by medical professionals, resulting in medically related PTSD.
Seeking medical care is very triggering for me, and since I'm an independent patient advocate, and studying to take the voluntary credential and licensing, a lot of my symptoms are being triggered as I study (flashbacks, nightmares, etc.). I'm curious if anyone else has PTSD related to medical care and what your symptoms are like? I just kind of feel alone in this sometimes. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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guy1111, Open Eyes
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#2
Actually seesaw I do have ptsd challenges due to medical traumas and being treated badly.
I went in to have a colonoscopy and endoscopy and I woke up during them scoping down my throat and it scared the hell out of me. And when they did the colonoscopy they hit my spleen leaving me with damage and experiencing slow internal bleeding. I actually gave myself two days to recover before working. By the third day of working I began to feel strange. By the time I got home I was feeling pain and was dizzy. I was treated badly for asking for help to drive to the nearest ER. Once I got there they gave me morphine for the pain which was getting worse and worse. I am actually surprised they gave me so much morphine not knowing what was wrong with me. I doubt they would do that now. Yet I was treated like I was inconveniencing everyone as they did an MRI and had to wait to hear back from a doctor what the results were. They all wanted to close and go home and my problem was keeping them there. Then in a flash the mood changed when the doctor told them to get me to the hospital STAT because I was bleeding internally and could die. After that I was put in ICU thinking I was going to be rushed into surgery like when I almost died when my appendix ruptured. I remembered thinking in the ambulance that I was going to end up having my spleen removed and have another ugly wound like before when they opened my entire body cavity up. Yet they never rushed me into surgery and no one even told me anything. No doctor talked to me to let me know they were going to wait and see if the bleeding would stop. I was actually left there alone and not even my family said anything to me. I just laid there in the critical care unit. Truth is that because I was injured by a doctor during a procedure elsewhere no one wanted to say anything as I was now considered a liability. It was horrible not knowing anything and just laying alone in critical care. Not knowing anything and just getting dosed with morphine. No one wanted to talk to me and I could not understand why. It was awful! It would be weeks before I would finally hear why. I had to make my GP see me as he was the one who referred me to the doctor who did the colonoscopy. Finally he explained to me that the reason I faced the challenges I did was due to fear of liability. I have a few medical challenges where I was treated badly by both doctors and nurses an EMT and other medical care workers. As a result I genuinely have a problem with going to doctors and being treated by medical staff. I really could add so much more in this post. |
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#3
Thanks, OE.
I'm fortunate that I've found a therapist that I like, which I thought would never happen after I moved and had to leave my old therapist. I want to see a psychiatrist to get a PRN of klonopin but psychiatrists are the ones I mistrust the most. Well, nurses too. Well, all MDs too. I've had to file so many grievances against doctors behaving badly, and I really thought it was just me, but working in healthcare research and actually meeting doctors in a professional capacity, it's not "just me." There is a lot of arrogance, huge lack of respect for patient's rights and many violations of patient's rights, and just overall inappropriate behavior that doesn't contribute to a therapeutic relationship. It's a challenge because I get triggered reading and doing my work for school, I get triggered in my actual work with providers, and then I just get triggered for no reason, lol. Flashbacks and dissociation have been bad lately. Going through periods when I'm holding on to a thin shred of reality, wondering if what's currently occurring for me is "right now" or this is really 3 years ago or 5 years ago, or some other time. Of course that couples with my other trauma/PTSD and it just feels like it's getting out of hand a bit. My therapist and I discussed a few months ago that as school ramped up and I continued to expand my work, that I'd probably become more symptomatic. So it's just par for the course, in a way, I guess. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#4
I can understand how even reading certain medical related material can bring about unwanted feelings and memories. You are absolutely correct though about treatment providers being cold and distant as I have experienced that myself. However when I talked to health care providers often what I learn is how they are under so much pressure from insurance companies not only about patient liability but how they are instructed not to say anything that can possibly convey any mistake was made.
Then they also have to wait for approval when they want patients to have certain tests and insurance companies often require less expensive tests or procedures first when the doctor for example wants an mri instead of an X-ray. Also insurance premiums for their personal coverage to practice is extremely expensive so they earn less when given how many years they invest to be a doctor is expensive and they tend to have too many restrictions that interrupt with the kind of care they want to provide their patients. This is part of why there is a shortage of doctors including psychiatrists. And many of the ones we had got so fed up they retired early. So a lot of this frustration filters down to patients. Some states are worse than others in this respect. |
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#5
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__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#6
I have the same problem in that I have been traumatized several times by both doctors and other healthcare workers. I was not trying to excuse any of the bad behaviors that take place either. My effort was geared more towards the problem being with the overall healthcare system itself. The therapy I have had has also been met with agreement that our current healthcare system is genuinely broken and my therapists have said they were not surprised to learn of the traumatic experiences I have had. Also, when it comes to looking at our broken health care system, it's important to include how "insurance companies" are very much a part of the problem as well. I have experienced wrong diagnoses and been on the receiving end of "mistakes" made while treating me as well. Along with being treated very badly when that was the last thing I needed.
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#7
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But right now I'm dealing with my dissociation and flashbacks, and worrying about provider barriers is not my concern. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#8
I understand and it’s very hard to get others to understand this challenge too.
With my recent experience I had my hat on because my hat helps SO MUCH to keep me grounded. I can pull it down even over my eyes if need be and it’s soft and comforting. The staff would not let me keep it on my head even though I tried to explain I have ptsd and it helps prevent me from having flashbacks. I can’t have medical staff crowding me. It triggers me to the life saving surgery and all I went through with that. |
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Member
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#9
I think I may have some PTSD due to a medical procedure I was forced to endure that was very similar to a childhood assault I endured (held down, legs spread, etc) - after it happened I can't bring myself to even go to the town where the procedure occurred. I have so many traumas though that I think this one is just a sprinkle on the icing on the cake.
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seesaw
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Human
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#10
Quote:
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#11
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I hope you're doing OK today. |
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New Member
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#12
Thanks everyone.
This sounds like something I have struggled with for 13-years now. I had surgery for prostate cancer and I still can't look back on that period without feeling betrayed and violated. From what I know now, the doctor was less than honest, indifferent, and rushed me through an assembly-like, surgery process. The result of the surgery negatively altered the quality of my life and to add insult to injury, much research after the fact (based on the work of Dr. Roger Guillemin) convinced me that my symptoms did not warrant surgery. But the diagnosis was presented to me with such urgency that I was under the knife within two weeks from receipt of the biopsy report. Given what I know now, I would not have elected to have surgery at that time. Every bad result that I experienced, he assured me would not be the case. As he put it, '...you have less than a 5% chance of a bad result. I wouldn't worry if I were you'. In the end, the result triggered feelings that I carried around the sexual assault I experience at 8-years old. Somehow they felt the same. Maybe because the surgery left me impotent for life at a very young age, a condition unresponsive to ED medication and treatments. Both events felt like they altered me, violated me, scrambled my DNA. I remember that at one point, I wanted to get a prosthetic so that I could have a chance at physical intimacy, a chance for long-term relationship, a life partner. My insurance company turned me down. So, I appealed; but in order to appeal, I had to appear in front of 7 strangers and explain, in detail, why sex was a quality of life issue for me, a man in his early 40s. They turned me down anyway and said it was a medical issue and not a quality of life issue. It was a humiliating experience. So just being around doctors can bring up negative emotions and feelings of anxiety. Not to mention lack of trust. This is a barrier to seeking any kind of medical treatment. Wow. This is the first time I actually told this story. Thank you. - L |
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#13
Mine is around psychiatric hospitals and ERs due to the way I was treated when I was at one for SH. The ER doctor was practically yelling at me. His voice was even trembling he was so angry with me even though I had done nothing but come there and ask for help. He did so many things wrong that day and convinced the psychiatrist that I was a danger to myself (not true) and said things that he said I said which I didn't, which ended up in my permanent medical record. I made a complaint with the hospital but I still get flashbacks and stuff, 8 months later. It was horrible.
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