[Amethyst_Stargazer]

My anniversary is coming up, I left my abusive ex on the 2nd of November, I was raped by him...... this is something I never open up about to my friends, I feel ashamed by it. I have so much sleep issues and sleep paralysis and I feel abandoned because not many people speak to me anymore. One day I was going out to dinner with my father, brother, and niece... my father was backing up in the parking lot, the sun was very bright and my father couldn't sleep clearly. Thankfully he didn't hit the guy, but I shouted to him to stop backing up. He apologized to the guy so much and the guy was flipping out and my father was being reasonable, apologizing, feeling horrible. I can understand the guy's position, but the way he was yelling and cussing at my father triggered me so much.

Shortly after this happened, I was frozen and couldn't speak. I dissociated because my ex would yell at me a lot of the time, the same way too and I instantly felt sadness and could feel the tears coming. I felt like I was re-living it all over again, getting yelled at and abused. On the way home, I kept crying and once we got home, I sobbed even more. It triggered me so much. Since then my days have been off to me and I'm feeling depressed and feeling low again. Every time I am triggered, I feel like this all the time, I feel like I won't ever get better. Hope someone can understand how I feel about this because I alone with this. It's been depressing me more and more as time goes on.

[Yaowen]

Dear Amethyst_Stargazer,

I think your feelings, are very, very understandable! Although I am not in your shoes, I have struggled against something similar in my life and it is really rough and demoralizing.

[Werewoman]

I have had triggers start a downward spiral of untreatable depression that I couldn't control and have to be hospitalized, so I feel ya.

[Fuzzybear]

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer

My anniversary is coming up, I left my abusive ex on the 2nd of November, I was raped by him...... this is something I never open up about to my friends, I feel ashamed by it. I have so much sleep issues and sleep paralysis and I feel abandoned because not many people speak to me anymore. One day I was going out to dinner with my father, brother, and niece... my father was backing up in the parking lot, the sun was very bright and my father couldn't sleep clearly. Thankfully he didn't hit the guy, but I shouted to him to stop backing up. He apologized to the guy so much and the guy was flipping out and my father was being reasonable, apologizing, feeling horrible. I can understand the guy's position, but the way he was yelling and cussing at my father triggered me so much.

Shortly after this happened, I was frozen and couldn't speak. I dissociated because my ex would yell at me a lot of the time, the same way too and I instantly felt sadness and could feel the tears coming. I felt like I was re-living it all over again, getting yelled at and abused. On the way home, I kept crying and once we got home, I sobbed even more. It triggered me so much. Since then my days have been off to me and I'm feeling depressed and feeling low again. Every time I am triggered, I feel like this all the time, I feel like I won't ever get better. Hope someone can understand how I feel about this because I alone with this. It's been depressing me more and more as time goes on.

I'm sorry that this happened to you.

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you were in a relationship where someone needed to completely take over. People like this are in the dark triads and are all about their need for control. The average person may not know what to do as it's very dark and scary when someone needs this kind of control. It's not your fault that you did not quite know what to do. I know I have experienced these kind of controlling dark type triad individuals myself and they can be relentless with their need for control. You did the right thing when you finally got away from this individual. It's not surprising you freeze when you experience a reminder that triggers you to not know what to do.

[Fuzzybear]

I can relate....

People who are relentless with their need for Control

A ''normal'' response to this scary dark triad behaviour might be....

the four f's - freeze, flight, fight, fawn.....

[Hulalady1992]

OMG. Years ago, an old classmate of mine from high school told me her ex boyfriend raped her. If it's the guy I'm thinking of then I believe he was in my old tech ed class years ago. This guy was kind of a jerk. I had no idea he would do anything like. Like you, she didn't tell her family and sometimes she had triggers. If you can't tell those closest to you, then maybe you can go to a therapist especially one that handles relationships. Relationship abuse is never okay. I would also suggest pressing charges especially if it happened very recently.