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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2024
Location: Florida
Posts: 16
9 hugs
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#21
Last night I got intense flashbacks and intense insomnia until 5am and I couldn’t sleep. I keep getting flashbacks of being raped but I feel like it's my fault still because I let it happen. I was a minor I was 16-17 with a whole 31 year old I don’t know what was wrong with me. I get it’s not my fault but it still feels that way. My mom said that when we fall in “love” (which I don’t think for a second that’s love I was manipulated into being attached/dependent” when we get attached I guess we aren’t ourselves. I was with him for 4 months while being 16 and two months at 17. He would force me (with his words) to not wear condoms and I was so scared to get pregnant so he convinced me to get me really drunk and punch me in the stomach really hard which happened like twice. Since I agreed to it a part of me feels like it’s my fault. When I would say no he would just coerce me to do it anyway. Hopefully he goes to jail but whenever I go out I’m super paranoid I’ll find him. This has ruined my sleep and given me nightmares. I feel very alone but Atleast I have my mom. I have some nice dreams where I dream of having friends again.
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![]() Buffy01
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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Michigan
Posts: 105
5 10 hugs
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#22
I feel defeated. I am tired of fighting for my life every second and trying to heal for the past 20 years with no progress. I am 50 now and I just feel paralyzed. I am exhausted. My mind and body are relentless terrorists. I wish that I can break through whatever in me is so resistant and closed off to healing. My life is a mess, getting worse, and I lost everything and everyone. I am frozen now and just do not want to do anything anymore but I am forced to go on because of my children, who I hardly get to spend time with anymore since they are older and so busy with their own lives. I was swindled and robbed out of a real life. 😞
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,964
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,986 hugs
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#23
Quote:
![]() __________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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New Member
Member Since Aug 2024
Location: New York City
Posts: 3
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#24
Feeling Disheartened
How come is it, that my narcissistic ex’s reinforcements felt like genuine stability? Granted, I always needed to make myself available for his calls, there was no flexibility over missing his calls, being free to call back whenever. This was the first red flag. However, how come it felt so stable when he would give his word about what time he would be coming to visit or we would make certain plans, and he would always, ALWAYS hold to his word? He would be super punctual. This felt like someone who keeps to their word. How come is it, although
Possible trigger:
Where your supposed “Christian” male friend of 10+ years
Possible trigger:
Last edited by bluekoi; Aug 30, 2024 at 11:16 AM.. Reason: Add trigger icon and code. |
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Abusive relationships | Relationships & Communication | |||
Abusive relationships | Relationships & Communication | |||
Abusive Relationships | Relationships & Communication | |||
Abusive relationships | Relationships & Communication | |||
abusive relationships | Relationships & Communication |