[inkblot]

Whenever it was--3 or 4 years ago--I still had my kids' pet guinea pig living in the car with me. I was really freaking out and reacting bad that winter--really from fall on, like every year since 2002. She ended up dying. I was too freaked and emotional to care for her or do anything in life, let alone promote it. I was too freaked and emotional to even think or act to do the right thing and find someone or someplace to take her. I told the kids that she was sick. That she had a bad respiratory infection. She did have one by the time she died. But I was too afraid and freaked about everything to take her to the vet. She rarely got fed or fresh water, or got the bedding changed. I was so good about that at one time. Even longer before I married and divorced and everything I had received several awards for working/volunteering with animals at a shelter. No one would ever guess I'd be guilty of something like this. I love animals too much. Amazing what the mind can do to a person.

[gimmeice]

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[eskielover]

(((((((Inky))))))))),

You are such a kind person.......sometimes we get into places where we just end up not being in the control of our life as we are used to being & it takes so much time to adapt that during that time, we loose track of the things that need to be done when prior in life they would have been the simple things we would do without even thinking.

I know about the guilty feeling......I am holding a huge guilty feeling for when my first eskie dog (Excell) died this last May 29. I had then in their puppy pens in the basement during the winter & would let them out for potty walks sometimes not as often as I should have. It was a nice day out, so I had Leo (Excells son), Destiny (Excells mate), & Excell in the front yard with me. Leo & Excell would fight & besides, I didn't want them loose to run into the street, so I attached each up to 20' leashes. I was doing yard work & was planning on clearing out a flower bed that needed lots of work with overgrown weeds. I got sidetracked with hauling a load of branches down to the fire pit, then, I was playing around with the weed eater, trying to figure out how to get it started (I'm new at these kind of things). I finally got the wagon hitched to the lawn tractor & drove out to the flower bed.....I looked back at the house & didn't see Excell bopping around like the other dogs. I walked back toward the front porch & there he was, he had wrapped himself around the welcome post I had put up & had strangeled himself. I knew better than use the choke chains.....but I didn't have any other collars in Kentucky with me. I grabbed him & unloosened the leash. I spent 45 minutes trying to revive him & breath life back into him. I just couldn't let go. I broke all the blood vessles in my face trying to breath life back into him but guess he must have had a heart attack or something more because I wasn't successful. I will never forgive myself for what I let happen to him. It was all my fault. He was my first american eskimo doggie. We spent years showing in dog shows & working on obedience training & playing with the agility courses & winters in Jackson Hole where he would always go cross country skiing with me. We would spend lots of time playing catch in the yard as he was the only one of my eskies that could catch anything in mid air......then bound around playing keep away. I can definitely share with you the pain of knowing that the death of a part of the family was due to something we did/didn't do right. I called the lady that was his breeder right after it happened. She tried to comfort me & let me know that she also had an accident with one of her eskie dogs that she never was able to talk about or let go of the guilt......but she also suggested that even though it was tragic, it might have saved them from a longer suffering death with cancer or some other problem that would have been longer suffering. Nothing helps with the loss of a pet especially when we realize we could have made a difference, but what happens is over & nothing can change it, so dwelling on is doesn't help....putting it in it's place & letting it stay there is all we can do. We know that in the future we will never let anything like that happen again & there is nothing more we can do with what happened. We will always hold in our memories what happened & it will always hurt when we remember it.......but we will not dwell on the hurt & that is all we can do. It doesn't decrease the love we had for our babies as life is always prescious.

,
Debbie

[(JD)]

You did the best you could for what all you were going through. No second guessing. Yes, I'm sorry this happened, but I believe animals exist in the "after life" and God loves them very much.

[Kiya]

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many many hugs!!