[niccpa]

I've posted my message under all the boards so far. I'm looking for help and support for dealing with my fiance who's a 37 year old vet who was in Force Recon in the Marines and he had to nasty things while serving. He's got PTSD and he has restless nights because his military actions are being replayed when he closes his eyes. He was recently denied for disabilities from VA downward. He's hot and cold. I'm being shut out by him. I want to be there for him and help him through because I love him. Please help me to understand and support him through this. Please read my posting under relationship and communication.

[(JD)]

Wow what a friend you must be! PTSD is very hard to deal with, both for the person suffering with it and those suffering with the person. I am surprised by the non disability rating. Even so, he should insist on therapy through the military... they really do have a good handle on PTSD, and the sooner he gets help, the better.

Flashbacks are fierce. I have ptsd from an disabling accident/work injury 18 years ago and I still don't know ALL about PTSD... and what I might have "learned" I forget, due to the disorder! You need to go to therapy at times with him. Don't try to put PTSD into any kind of box for understanding. IT is that variable and if you have any preset ideas, you just won't "get it."

I will go read your post when I can... I just can't right now.

Welcome niccpa.

[obsids]

Is there any chance that David can get counseling? I am very surprised that the VA turned him down, because military-induced PTSD is a known issue with military vets. Hang in there. Sometimes I think that the best thing for me was having someone to talk me back to reality whenever I triggered and started having flashbacks... of course, that depends on what he is like. I had flashes of anger sometimes when I would startle at the slightest noise and start screaming... it was worse when my husband told me to calm down... I am telling you this because perhaps you might experience this too... it is not rational... nothing about PTSD is rational. It is a waking nightmare. You must be really special to want to stay with him and help him heal.

I will read your other post when I find the strength. Meanwhile, keep posting and asking any questions that you have.

Obsidian

[niccpa]

Yes, if that's what you call every 3 to 6 months at the VA and if he feeling really hostile - he will force his way into his doctor's office which thank goodness he has not done lately. Over Thanksgiving, he told me that his flashbacks were getting too much for him. He told me of one and all I could say to him is that you were given orders and you were hostile terrority and that I loved him and because of his sacrifices - we still have our freedom and so do others. He wont let anyone not even his doctor into that part of his life his mind because of the military. I'm proud to be an Amercian however I'm disgusted with our govt for doing to him and other vets. It's like they're throw aways. Train them to be killers and then throw away when they're done.
The reason why I stay and why I'm here on this board is I love David for him - all his diagnoses doesnt define him. We recently talked and he said he feels numb from the PTSD now, and I noted the difference because he sometimes talks with no emotion. He has very hostile feelings right now and he doesnt want me to be around him. I understand why but it still hurts because he's hurting inside and I cant be there for him.
On the disability claim - He told me that his doctor was never notified from the disability board to send his records. He's appealing their decision.
Thank you for your message and taking the time - I usually give thanks with hugs and attached is one from me to you. Thank you again.

[niccpa]

Thank everyone for all of your advice and support. I want to give each one of you a hug. Thank you for helping me see the other side and what steps to take to get through this. Thank you again.

[calvin2]

I am new here this is my firt post, your hubby needs help keep after the feds eveytime they say no ask ...no demand they help they did this to him, they need to fix it and alon as you keep going away they woht fix it. best wishes and tell him a cop in the med west said thank you for you service

[colors]

It seems there is a lot of good advise coming to you from the members, so I hope it helps you.

I would like to add that objects can also trigger, as well as the news stations, and movies about servicemen or war. It would be a good idea to keep anything connected to his service, like uniforms etc. Well out of visual line.

He needs to relax and feel safe. Try keeping service colors out of the bedroom. This also may help him to relax in his new surroundings.

Hope my thoughts help.

Wish you both much happiness!

Colors