[Christine1123]

Jan. 6-8 I'll be in Pennsylvania testifying against the man who raped me two years ago. It's not my case, I'm simply a character witness against him for another girl. I keep trying to not think about it and how close it is. I'm ashamed to say that I'm honestly scared of seeing him again...he never used physical force, but threatened my life and those of people I love. The girl who's trial against him this is, is mentally retarded. He had to physically force her. He couldn't scare her into it. I know this sounds bad, but I feel like I'm the retarded one...because he fed me all of this crap and I believed it, afraid, and she had enough dignity and courage to fight back...unlike me. I'm trying to not cry, I've got to keep myself together until after the 8th.

I'm really really sorry if I triggered bad memories for anyone. Just trying to state how I feel. My husband and I are bringing our son with us to the trial, we can't find anyone to babysit for three days that we trust. I feel guilty for bringing our baby into the courtroom with us, but where else can he be? That pervert had 11 other cases against him that were dropped, some of them little kids. I don't want him fantasizing about my son....just the thought of that makes me so angry. Does anyone have any help or advice? I'm really sorry about this post. and thanks.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((( Christine ))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry that you are going through this, I think it's great that you are testifying on this guys character. Please don't feel bad that he didn't have to use physical means to hurt you, it doesn't make your pain any less and what happened to you is not your fault. Emotional abuse is still abuse, sweetie.

It sounds like a very tough situation, does your husband have to be in the court room? I know that it would be nice to have his support but the worry that it may cause you to have your son in the room with this man may not be worth it. I don't know much about court proceedings but do you know if there is anyway that since you have a history with him that you could stay in a different room until you are needed to testify?

I am sending you tons of hugs your way.

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by Christine1123

Jan. 6-8 I'll be in Pennsylvania testifying against the man who raped me two years ago. It's not my case, I'm simply a character witness against him for another girl. I keep trying to not think about it and how close it is. I'm ashamed to say that I'm honestly scared of seeing him again...

dont be ashamed - being scared - not wanting to see him -thats a natural responce - he hurt you - i think you are very brave to go and do this for the other girl and for yourself - maybe even though it will be tough it will help with the healing?

he never used physical force, but threatened my life and those of people I love.
words can be just as powerful as physical force, I am so sorry this happened to you.

The girl who's trial against him this is, is mentally retarded. He had to physically force her. He couldn't scare her into it. I know this sounds bad, but I feel like I'm the retarded one...because he fed me all of this crap and I believed it, afraid, and she had enough dignity and courage to fight back...unlike me. I'm trying to not cry, I've got to keep myself together until after the 8th.

I think you had dignity and courage, you thought about your loved ones and that this person would harm them - and thats why you didnt struggle and fight back - I have had people threaten the ones i loved and you do what you have to to stop that from happeneing - you did what you could at the time.

I'm really really sorry if I triggered bad memories for anyone. Just trying to state how I feel. My husband and I are bringing our son with us to the trial, we can't find anyone to babysit for three days that we trust. I feel guilty for bringing our baby into the courtroom with us, but where else can he be?
Im not sure how this works? do they maybe have a place for kids to stay ? a creche? dont know if i spelt that right - a place where they have babysitters -

That pervert had 11 other cases against him that were dropped, some of them little kids. I don't want him fantasizing about my son....just the thought of that makes me so angry.

I would think he would be too busy with the trial to do that - he would want to be sitting there looking like mr clean too so would probably not make eye contact with the people not being questioned - can your husband and you? sit further back or out of his line of sight? worht a try.

Does anyone have any help or advice? I'm really sorry about this post. and thanks.

dont be sorry, we are here to support you, you can get through this - you got through what happened, you survived, you kept your family safe and you can do this now - please be kind to yourself and take care P7

((Christine1123)))) your doing a brave thing....never be sorry..
Ask if you can sit outside the court room tillits your turn. That way your baby does not have to be in there. Maybe your husband can then keep him outside while you are in.
muffy

[Christine1123]

Thank you all. I really appreciate the support. There were some really good suggestions for how to handle the baby-in-the-courtroom situation. I'll talk to the DA about it on the 2nd.

((phoenix))
Thanks for reassuring me that I did what I could. I always feel like "I should have known more" or "I should have done more" though. My T says that it's not my fault either and that I did what I could with the information I had...it's just hard to connect the thought with my emotions. It goes really deep but I don't really feel like going into the details of it.

Thank you all very, very much.

Christine,
What you are doing is so brave and being a true supportive friend. This will be a hard thing to do, no doubt. How old is your son? Keeping him out of the courtroom is probably a good idea anyway. I like the suggestions others have on what to do. If you have no other choice than keeping him in the room, maybe you could get a book on tape or something so he doesn't hear what is going on. I rent them from the library all the time and it is great for road trips.

[Christine1123]

He's 8 months old.

Okay, for that age I would be more worried about his reaction to you and others that are upset. It could scare him to see you upset. I am sure i he would'nt
understand the words of things, but he would definitely see the emotions. If you husband could keep in quiet in the back with an activity, things should be fine, if you leave after your testimony. Do something like take a walk, to help calm yourself. If you are calm, he will be probably. Will they be questioning you also?

[Christine1123]

Originally Posted by exoticflower

Okay, for that age I would be more worried about his reaction to you and others that are upset. It could scare him to see you upset. I am sure i he would'nt
understand the words of things, but he would definitely see the emotions. If you husband could keep in quiet in the back with an activity, things should be fine, if you leave after your testimony. Do something like take a walk, to help calm yourself. If you are calm, he will be probably. Will they be questioning you also?

Oh my god, I didn't even think about him sensing my emotions. How stupid of me. I've never been in a courtroom before but he's a smart little one and he picks up on things pretty fast. Yes, I will try to stay calm but I don't know if I'll break down and cry or not. They will be questioning me, a cross-examination. With that in mind, maybe my husband should hold him outside until I'm done. I hope I can leave after I'm done- it's not like I want to stay.

That is going to be SO hard. I hope the attorney on your friend's side will prepare you for this. I think it would be best to keep him out of the room. Maybe there is someone that can hold your son until you are done? I can see why you would want your husband with you, this will be so hard to do. Plus facing that jerk too.
Will your friend be there, maybe looking at her will help give you strength. (((Christine)))) But what you are doing will probably help put that creep away, so I hope you feel good about that.

[Christine1123]

Originally Posted by exoticflower

That is going to be SO hard. I hope the attorney on your friend's side will prepare you for this. I think it would be best to keep him out of the room. Maybe there is someone that can hold your son until you are done? I can see why you would want your husband with you, this will be so hard to do. Plus facing that jerk too.
Will your friend be there, maybe looking at her will help give you strength. (((Christine)))) But what you are doing will probably help put that creep away, so I hope you feel good about that.

We live in the midwest, and the DA was nice enough to pay for plane tickets for the three of us. I'd hate to ask them to pay for one more so someone could come with us and hold him. I'd feel selfish doing that. Thank you so much for your understanding. You have no idea how much that means to me.

The other girl isn't really my friend, in fact I don't know her at all. But the DA told me her story and I really wanted to help her put him away. Me hopefully getting closure is a bonus. What he did to me was done in a different state. The DA there was only going to give this guy a year because of no DNA evidence. I didn't want to bother seeing the creep again and reliving everything if he was going to only get a year. Kind of makes me feel worthless. So my case against him has been dropped. I would submit to a lie detector test for proof, but I don't think they care that much in the state where my case was to take place.

[phoenix7]

you are not worthless, you are making a decision that you think is right for you - he is the worthless one -

your husband sitting outside with bubs may be a good idea - and i would think you could leave once yuo've been questioned - you can do this - you are strong - you survived - it may well be hard but you have the support and love of your husband and your baby to help you through

take care P7

[Christine1123]

((phoenix7))

Thank you. I plan on him staying outside.

[phoenix7]