[Corine]

Why is it that you feel like you can't win for losing?????
This life of mine is so crazy..
If I get mad they say that I have to go lay down and rest?.. And what i'm meaning about this is.. everyone that i know can vent with their feeling about me and how they feel... but yet if I, I'm the bad guy..It seems like as long as people are walking over me they are fine and happy.. but once I say what is in my heart or what I'm feeling something is wrong.. I'm so tired of it.. I'm tired of people taking advantage of me...
Days like this I want to say the hell with everything.. I wish people would just leave me that hell alone

((((Corine)))))))) It hard to speak from your heart at times . Its ahard when you feel you are being walked on.
I know for me If i can express it calmly that helps alot.
All of us need ppl . (((you matter)))))
muffy

[phoenix7]

Sorry you are feeling so angry and frustrated and hurt - sometimes when we change and start asking for what we need - even if its just to be heard - people dont like it - they want us to stay as we were - they are used to that - keep asking for what you need - you have every right to it - maybe they are trying to be kind by saying lie down and rest - just take care of you ok

[Corine]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

Sorry you are feeling so angry and frustrated and hurt - sometimes when we change and start asking for what we need - even if its just to be heard - people dont like it - they want us to stay as we were - they are used to that - keep asking for what you need - you have every right to it - maybe they are trying to be kind by saying lie down and rest - just take care of you ok

no don't think that he wants to help me as much as get me out of his hair

[Corine]

Originally Posted by muffy

((((Corine)))))))) It hard to speak from your heart at times . Its ahard when you feel you are being walked on.
I know for me If i can express it calmly that helps alot.
All of us need ppl . (((you matter)))))
muffy

Well that is just it. when i do express myself and do it nice and calm.. its like they don't get what i'm saying..so why bother

[phoenix7]

can you do somthing nice for yourself at this time - take yourself away from the other people and do somthing for you - somthing you like to do - read - paint - anything that can help you feel better ?

[Corine]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

can you do somthing nice for yourself at this time - take yourself away from the other people and do somthing for you - somthing you like to do - read - paint - anything that can help you feel better ?

thank you... right now i'm just trying to calm down.. and refocus

[phoenix7]

Corine, its hard but hang in there

[Corine]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

Corine, its hard but hang in there

I thank you and everyone for your support.. and I hope and Pray that i will be here for you when you all need it... thank you all so much

Originally Posted by Corine

Well that is just it. when i do express myself and do it nice and calm.. its like they don't get what i'm saying..so why bother

because (((((Corine)))))))))))))) you matter ........they will get it at some point. Always remember you count , Every feeling you have does.
muffy

[Capp]

Originally Posted by Corine

Why is it that you feel like you can't win for losing?????
This life of mine is so crazy..
If I get mad they say that I have to go lay down and rest?.. And what i'm meaning about this is.. everyone that i know can vent with their feeling about me and how they feel... but yet if I, I'm the bad guy..It seems like as long as people are walking over me they are fine and happy.. but once I say what is in my heart or what I'm feeling something is wrong.. I'm so tired of it.. I'm tired of people taking advantage of me...
Days like this I want to say the hell with everything.. I wish people would just leave me that hell alone

((Corine))
It's frustrating as heck when this happens to us!

Jme, but it was a battle of sorts for me to make others understand that I did not need their constant, but silent, demands to stay the same--they were very comfortable in their attitudes and actions.
With dignity and as much calmness that I could manage, I kept at it until they heard me...

It was hard and at times it felt demeaning, but it was worth it.

Peace and Power to you, Corine
Cap

[Corine]

Originally Posted by muffy

because (((((Corine)))))))))))))) you matter ........they will get it at some point. Always remember you count , Every feeling you have does.
muffy

All I seem to get from it all..is always give me give me...
And when I stand up and say no or do it yourself..Its like i get the ignore thing all day long..

I just want to be treat the same way I treat everyone.. I want what I feel important to me to be important to them..because I always try and make what they feel important to be important to me.. But all I get for it is like i said give me give me..

[Corine]

Originally Posted by Capp

((Corine))
It's frustrating as heck when this happens to us!

Jme, but it was a battle of sorts for me to make others understand that I did not need their constant, but silent, demands to stay the same--they were very comfortable in their attitudes and actions.
With dignity and as much calmness that I could manage, I kept at it until they heard me...

It was hard and at times it felt demeaning, but it was worth it.

Peace and Power to you, Corine
Cap

But see when I try for example to talk to my boyfriend about what i'm going through.. I always hear.. well when I went through this or that I made it.. see he is an x-addict and x-acol.... but like I said.. I didn't cause this to happen to me.. and I tell him that what he went through is different that what i'm going through so he gets mad and says he isn't going to say anything anymore... so why try

Originally Posted by Corine

All I seem to get from it all..is always give me give me...
And when I stand up and say no or do it yourself..Its like i get the ignore thing all day long..

I just want to be treat the same way I treat everyone.. I want what I feel important to me to be important to them..because I always try and make what they feel important to be important to me.. But all I get for it is like i said give me give me..

(((Corine)))))))))))))))))))))) you deserve to be treated good.
sounds like you will have to set some boundries....to keep you safe
muffy

[Corine]

Originally Posted by muffy

(((Corine)))))))))))))))))))))) you deserve to be treated good.
sounds like you will have to set some boundries....to keep you safe
muffy

right now all i want to do is scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im sorry ((((((((((Corine))))))))))))))))))))))))
can you do something to get your mind off of it

[nowheretorun]

Originally Posted by Corine

right now all i want to do is scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi Corine, i hope its ok if i say something.. i know people are doing all they can to reach you now, cause it is the darkest time for you and so, maybe there is some light ahead.. its not good to want to scream, but its good that you can.. and go ahead... if BF is being insensitive to you, that is very hard and he is not fully appreciating your inner self and needs and thats not really a bad on him, just a statement of what he is capable of right now, since he is also in recovery, there is hope that his own sensitivity will grow to meet yours and you are in a push/pull situation emotionally... respect of and for each other is how to get thru this.. give him time, give yourself time, accept where you are in this moment and know that you will get through it...

sometimes i have wanted the perfect feeling of no pain and ive been very impatient to get it and never understood why in the world it was ever denied to me in the first place.. some of what we have felt and are feeling was not invited and it was thrust on us... no one to blame because blame creates more guilt.. letting go of the past is whats best and working on the now and forward from there will get us to the place we are looking for...

we have to accept the past, but we are not required to continue it... hoping the best for you always

[Corine]

Originally Posted by nowheretorun

hi Corine, i hope its ok if i say something.. i know people are doing all they can to reach you now, cause it is the darkest time for you and so, maybe there is some light ahead.. its not good to want to scream, but its good that you can.. and go ahead... if BF is being insensitive to you, that is very hard and he is not fully appreciating your inner self and needs and thats not really a bad on him, just a statement of what he is capable of right now, since he is also in recovery, there is hope that his own sensitivity will grow to meet yours and you are in a push/pull situation emotionally... respect of and for each other is how to get thru this.. give him time, give yourself time, accept where you are in this moment and know that you will get through it...

sometimes i have wanted the perfect feeling of no pain and ive been very impatient to get it and never understood why in the world it was ever denied to me in the first place.. some of what we have felt and are feeling was not invited and it was thrust on us... no one to blame because blame creates more guilt.. letting go of the past is whats best and working on the now and forward from there will get us to the place we are looking for...

we have to accept the past, but we are not required to continue it... hoping the best for you always

I try to understand all this.. and at this point I just feel numb.. Tired of trying to make people understand what i'm going through when at times I don't even understand it..
More than anything I want my mind and emotions back.. I want to be able to speak my mind.. but when I do and I don't mean yelling.. but just talking He gets hurt so then I have to deal with him in that.. So I'd rather not say anything.. Dont know if this is right or not.. but that is what i'm feeling and how I feel everytime I have to say something.. Its like not making waves so that everyone is happy.. and just trying to deal with my feelings and emotions by myself..

[nowheretorun]

i understand and sorry if that triggers you... what you are describing is the feelings of disconnection to the better things in this existence and your inner self is screaming that the methods you've used in the past are no longer working for you.. dont worry about understanding it all right now, just understand what you are able to understand and the rest falls into place in time.. first, give yourself full empowerment and priveledge to be a whole, functioning, happy person.. see how that feels and then, expect others to give you the same.. watch the reaction when they respond in surprise that suddenly you are not the person you used to be and be careful, for their own security reasons, they like you just where you are, it suits them just fine, who wouldnt want a sponge for their own endless pain? but that is not your role kind one, you are to be free and in love and in a state of joy at all times.. let the others catch up to you and offer them gentle guidance, you can get there and yes, it is difficult going against a habitual pattern but you can do it!

Originally Posted by Corine

I try to understand all this.. and at this point I just feel numb.. Tired of trying to make people understand what i'm going through when at times I don't even understand it..
More than anything I want my mind and emotions back.. I want to be able to speak my mind.. but when I do and I don't mean yelling.. but just talking He gets hurt so then I have to deal with him in that.. So I'd rather not say anything.. Dont know if this is right or not.. but that is what i'm feeling and how I feel everytime I have to say something.. Its like not making waves so that everyone is happy.. and just trying to deal with my feelings and emotions by myself..

(((((corine))))))))))))))))))))))))) you nailed it so good. You said (((Its like not making waves so that everyone is happy))))))))))))))
That is what my Mom use to say. Do not make waves .So i do not do it for me,. Will for other ppl.....for me no...
muffy

[Corine]

Originally Posted by nowheretorun

i understand and sorry if that triggers you... what you are describing is the feelings of disconnection to the better things in this existence and your inner self is screaming that the methods you've used in the past are no longer working for you.. dont worry about understanding it all right now, just understand what you are able to understand and the rest falls into place in time.. first, give yourself full empowerment and priveledge to be a whole, functioning, happy person.. see how that feels and then, expect others to give you the same.. watch the reaction when they respond in surprise that suddenly you are not the person you used to be and be careful, for their own security reasons, they like you just where you are, it suits them just fine, who wouldnt want a sponge for their own endless pain? but that is not your role kind one, you are to be free and in love and in a state of joy at all times.. let the others catch up to you and offer them gentle guidance, you can get there and yes, it is difficult going against a habitual pattern but you can do it!

I'm new to all this.. so plz be patient with me and terms that you use like disconnection? first, give yourself full empowerment and priveledge to be a whole, functioning, happy person? How.. I try How do I do this????????? All I know is ALL my life I have always tryed and tryed just to be excepted and plz everyone so that they would love me... Always pleasing and pleasing and just smiling and I dont' know what I want anymore?

[Corine]

Originally Posted by muffy

(((((corine))))))))))))))))))))))))) you nailed it so good. You said (((Its like not making waves so that everyone is happy))))))))))))))
That is what my Mom use to say. Do not make waves .So i do not do it for me,. Will for other ppl.....for me no...
muffy

and the waves are inside us driving us crazy just for trying not to make waves for others?? It don't seem to sound right??? or is it just me

[Capp]

Originally Posted by Corine

and the waves are inside us driving us crazy just for trying not to make waves for others?? It don't seem to sound right??? or is it just me

((Corine))
Just my experience, but yeah they are uncomfortable with us trying to change anything--making waves. When we start feeling deflated because they are not happy with it, then we do keep these waves/feelings inside.
People in my life wanted me to change but to their satisfaction...it was a surprise to them to find out that I had a mind of my own.

This is a saying that I found in an article and it did help me to stop feeling overwhelmed;
"Choose your battles. Narrowing your focus conserves energy for the things that really matter"

I'm not implying this is true of you, but it was for me. I wanted everything to be better all at once. It was very hard for me to accept that I had several battles ahead of me instead of just one.
However, it was a blessing for me. I grew stronger with each success. It may have been a tiny one, but it was mine and I loved it.

Please keep posting, Corine. Your honesty is helping me to think about some situations in my own life.
Thank you for sharing
Cap

[Corine]

Originally Posted by Capp

((Corine))
Just my experience, but yeah they are uncomfortable with us trying to change anything--making waves. When we start feeling deflated because they are not happy with it, then we do keep these waves/feelings inside.
People in my life wanted me to change but to their satisfaction...it was a surprise to them to find out that I had a mind of my own.

This is a saying that I found in an article and it did help me to stop feeling overwhelmed;
"Choose your battles. Narrowing your focus conserves energy for the things that really matter"

I'm not implying this is true of you, but it was for me. I wanted everything to be better all at once. It was very hard for me to accept that I had several battles ahead of me instead of just one.
However, it was a blessing for me. I grew stronger with each success. It may have been a tiny one, but it was mine and I loved it.

Please keep posting, Corine. Your honesty is helping me to think about some situations in my own life.
Thank you for sharing
Cap

Its true about choosing the battles.. but sometimes i let the little ones go by and then with all the little ones it becomes a big one... but I guess in time I will be able to choose my battles.. and hopefully get through it also.. I'm glad that this is helping you out.. I guess like they say together we will help each other...

[Corine]

Originally Posted by Capp

((Corine))
Just my experience, but yeah they are uncomfortable with us trying to change anything--making waves. When we start feeling deflated because they are not happy with it, then we do keep these waves/feelings inside.
People in my life wanted me to change but to their satisfaction...it was a surprise to them to find out that I had a mind of my own.

This is a saying that I found in an article and it did help me to stop feeling overwhelmed;
"Choose your battles. Narrowing your focus conserves energy for the things that really matter"

I'm not implying this is true of you, but it was for me. I wanted everything to be better all at once. It was very hard for me to accept that I had several battles ahead of me instead of just one.
However, it was a blessing for me. I grew stronger with each success. It may have been a tiny one, but it was mine and I loved it.

Please keep posting, Corine. Your honesty is helping me to think about some situations in my own life.
Thank you for sharing
Cap

Well Cap you would be proud of me.. Today I spoke my mind and it felt good.. To get something across..
It felt so good to do that.. And I feel so happy now.. I know I have a long way to go but at least it was a step... In understanding what it means by things that trigger it... I got to talk about it and it felt good...To let what has been bothering me and God willing this will all work out..