Post partum depression: 1 year later

Its about a year since I started treatment for my post partum depression. I don't understand why it gets its own category. I think I was never happy, and being post partum pushed me over the edge.

My baby turned a year old and I have made a lot of changes for the better, and at this point I feel stuck. I feel like I'll never be better. I don't know if I WANT to be better. My psychiatrist is the nicest person I have ever met- I am afraid of getting better and losing him. Is that twisted? I feel like its holding me back from healing further.

I'm having a bit of a low lately. I am just in pain and wish I would just die. I have suicidal thoughts but no plans on carrying them out. Couldnt do that to my kids/family... afraid of screwing up and ending up alive with even more pain.

I can't imagine this ever ending...

Your psychiatrist won't kick you out if you feel better. You can still see and talk to him. But maybe a talk therapist would be cheaper/better for you? I know those are weekly, usually.

I get it: I'm pregnant and severely depressed. You like your Dr so much, he should be giving you better drugs! It doesn't sound like you are being appropriately medicated. I feel so crappy I wish I had more/better things to say. But seriously: have you told him you aren't doing well so you can get your meds adjusted?

I'm at three years post baby in February. Can't say that I don't want to get better for a doc; haven't seen a doctor since I gave birth that I didn't want to kick in the face. I actually fantasize about making an appointment with the OB just to see if I can break his jaw while he is between my legs and I can get some good leverage.

I can relate though to just wanting to die. I have wanted to kill myself everyday for almost three years now. I stare at the rifles in my closet and try to figure out if I could make it look like an accident because it seems like it would somehow be better if they thought it wasnt' on purpose. I hate my kids for existing because they make me too guilty to kill myself.

If you find the way out let me know, once you have kids it doesn't seem there is really any way to make it better by changing your life all around. you can't leave the bad relationships and choices behind. They are right there in front of you asking for mashed potatoes and there is no one else to give it to them. Just drink your wine, take whatever drugs a doc will give you and distract yourself with strangers on the internet. One thing is for sure, it isn't forever, and for me that is my only comfort and you take comfort where ever you can get it.

My insurance actually covers my visits with him, and I'm way too attached to consider a new T. He does it very well. I do think he has been pushing me too hard lately, because a month ago I was doing really well and have backslided ever since he told me so.

re: the drugs. Im on effexor which had worked really well with ativan for breakthrough anxiety. Since everytime I feel messed up taking the whole bottle seems like a really good idea, I have refused anymore of it since it ran out. I've thought of upping the effexor, wondering if it is 'pooping out' as they say.

why postpartum depression has its own board....I read somewhere in the community feedback board that Doc John makes a Subforum (separate forum board) when there is a suggestion from the members, then he watches that forum boards where that issue is located (in this case depression boards) if he sees that the main forum board is getting a lot of activity on the topic thats up for suggestion (in this case postpartum depression) he makes a Subforum (gives that topic/activity their own forum board..

Another way a problem gets their own forum board is through the members. members start their own social group. then after so many members have joined that social group it becomes a forum board at the bottom of the index page under social forums.

just wanted to post to let you know you are not alone in your postpartum depression. hope things have gotten better for you. whats helping me is my treatment providers made some changes to my anti depressants.

I had serious post partum with both of my children , now 19 & 22. In those days there was no reliable medical literature and women with post partum were viewed by society as "bad" mothers and the medical establishment was unconcerned with our suffering. Thank God I found a psychiatrist who have me first generation Prozac . It was a wonder drug for me .( I wasn't cured but wasn't suffering. For all of you women out there being victimized by post partum , please insure your meds are correct for you at the correct dosage . Good luck

Why isn't Gov helping like they do in Australia and Europe? This is a serious condition that can be a little easier if more people had knowledge or understood.

I had severe post partum depression 21 years ago after the birth of my last child. I was familiar with regular depression and it was a whole different thing. They have learned a lot in 20 years but still don't understand it, mostly because it can have a wide range of symptoms. Also, there is no time table for recovery. I don't think I ever have come out of it completely. Some women have it the rest of their lives. Also, going thru menopause was difficult...maybe related, maybe not.

This is not to say this will happen to you. If you keep up the therapy and meds, hopefully you will enjoy raising your baby and both have a happy life.

it's kind of cool to see this thread pop up again. my baby is 5 now. i did end up switching meds many times. I've still got the same doctor for therapy. still got issues and we have a solid therapeutic relationship.

the postpartum depression obviously has nothing to do with the pregnancy at this point. i had issues and the hormones pushed me over the edge. it's a good thing because my life was so dysfunctional until i had this baby.