[Anrea]

I need a point of view that is bigger then my own. But I tend not to believe anyone, so this is difficult to say. Please share your opinions without sugar coating them.

I just don't know if I did the right thing. I went off my meds totally 25 days ago.

On 1 hand, I feel better. More 'me'. But.... I was off meds for over 40 years mostly, of course unmedicated me would feel right.

I went off them to see how I was doing. I had been on meds 7 years now.

I didn't have Dr.s permission, it was a whim.

I am afraid if I am not on meds, and don't go to a Dr. that SSDI will punish me by removing my disability. That is my #1 concern.

I stopped seeing a talk therapist 1 1/2 year ago. I only see a nurse practioner for med distribution once every 3 months. My next appt is May 5th. I don't want to lie, but I also don't want her to be angry and just tell me to go back to them.

I am feeling a little healthier I think. I don't take naps during the days anymore, although I only sleep 4-6 hours a night (sometimes broken hours). I stopped over eating, because I feel full now. My body wants to stretch more, and feels more active. It is easier to be motivated to do my chores, and to be entertained my random activities.

I am thinking of lying by omission - answering her questions without mentioning I am not taking meds... that is a lie though..... I am also thinking I have to see my talk therapist if I stop seeing my nurse practitioner.

But really I just want to be me, and see what happens now that I don't have the extreme pressure of work and the bad choice of a poor marriage.... mabey I don't need meds. I mean, I get weird... but weird isn't illegal or dangerous. And I have so little money and no credit cards or vehicle, I can't get into an accident or shop impulsivly. My credit is already ****, so how can I harm myself there?

I am always way more manic then depressed, so I am not a danger that way.

I just feel like I have to be a good girl on meds, or seeing a therapist.

What do you think, or what have you experienced on any of these issues?

[pirilin]

I'm not familiar with SSDI. Maybe you don't need to take meds to be disabled.?
Maybe you are not disabled if you don't take meds?. Is that the proof?.
SSDI is not insurance for mental illness. But for the disabled. Mental or not.
With that concept in mind, is up to you how to govern yourself accodingly.

[Anrea]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I'm not familiar with SSDI. Maybe you don't need to take meds to be disabled.?
Maybe you are not disabled if you don't take meds?. Is that the proof?.
SSDI is not insurance for mental illness. But for the disabled. Mental or not.
With that concept in mind, is up to you how to govern yourself accodingly.

My SSDI is for my mental health disability. I got it the first time I applied. My crazy life and Dr. evaluations were proof enough I guess.

Maybe what this means is, I am incapable of making the best decision for myself and I should let the professionals decide. I never thought of that.....

[Skeezyks]

Hello Anrea: Well... I'm no longer on psych med's (or any others either for that matter.) I was on Cymbalta until last year when I changed health insurance plans as a result of going on Medicare; & the out-of-pocket cost skyrocketed! I also don't see a therapist. I've tried a few over the years. But I never found one I felt was worth the bother... let alone the expense. So, as a result, I'm just gutting it out one day at a time. Yes, I also feel more "myself". Some days I do pretty well. Other days are tough! (I might mention that I have a history of spur-of-the-moment suicide attempts. So this is serious business.)

I last saw my psychiatrist last November, I think it was. Even though I had not been on psych med's for a while, I had been continuing to see him every 3 months for follow-up since there was no one else. However, during my November appointment, I told him I did not plan to keep coming in since I had no plans to go back on psych med's. (He only prescribes & monitors psych med's... nothing else.) I think he was a bit concerned. But he always just lets me make my own decisions, which I appreciate. He did tell me that if I came back before a year elapses, they would not have to re-do the whole admissions process. So I'll go back in to see him again, probably in October, just so I can keep my foot in the door, so to speak. (It can be difficult to get in to see someone if you're new, as I'm sure you realize.)

I don't know about the SSDI question. I would presume that, at some point, you will be faced with a review of your eligibility. And, if you're not on psych med's, & not seeing a therapist, I suppose there could be some question as to whether or not you still meet the eligibility criteria. But this is just my personal opinion. Personally, I would suggest that you simply be up-front with your NP regarding your med situation. I dislike the idea of lying or withholding information. Someone, whether it be you, a health insurance provider, or someone else, is paying for the services you receive. And your NP, as well as any other mental health professionals you may see, are being paid to help you. They cannot do this effectively, if you are not forthcoming regarding what is going on with you. But then I guess I am fortunate in that I've never had any of the mental health professionals I've seen get angry with me. Perhaps this is due, at least in part, to the fact that I am an older person. However, if one of them did become angry with me, I'd be "showing them the door", so to speak. I don't need to put up with that kind of b... s...

Anyway... with all of that said... it sounds as though in many ways you're doing pretty well at this point. So perhaps as long as you don't "burn all of your bridges", as they say, staying off psych med's isn't a bad idea. Just make sure that you keep your options open so that help is available if-&-when you need it. With regard to the SSDI question, again... I noticed that you're in Minnesota. I would suggest that you make some phone calls to various organizations to see if they can shed light on this concern. Some possibilities that come to mind include: Legal Advocacy & the state mental health association. Also, I believe there is a free legal advise telephone service in the Twin Cities. It may take some effort to find someone who can offer useful information (assuming there is someone.) But it may be worth the effort... Good luck!

[Nammu]

Totally get where you are coming from. The people who hand out the meds are familiar with BP people quitting meds. She might say you should go back on but she can't make you. Seeing a talk T would be a good idea off medication cause a good one will help you learn to evaluate your moods and give you ways to cope so they don't get too far one way or another.

I'm on SSDI and I was off meds for a number of years and they never took it away.

[Anrea]

Maybe today is just a bad day. I am worried that if I knew Miley Cyrus, she would be disappointed with me if I went back on meds. When I look at that thought, I see it is probably not what normal people think.

I was motivated to do yoga this morning, just on impulse... M.C. does yoga, plus she is all about accepting herself. If I am on meds am I trying to accept myself, or am I trying to change myself?

My talk therapist is at the same facility as my nurse practioner, and the psychiatrist. I had been stable enough to just get to the med monitoring.

I can't tell if I am better on or off meds. I just took my tilafon, and trileptal because of the Miley Cyrus worry. I know from experience that when I get too connected with a human I don't actually know that it is considered delusional. Even though its actually that we are spiritually connected.

What is your opinion? Am I being wacky? I think people would think wacky, but maybe it isn't. I like the word normal. As used in this sentence: "What is normal?"

I just don't know what to think today so I am becoming paralyzed by the inability to make decisions. It's really, really, really hard constantly monitoring thoughts all day every day. I miss the me that didn't know I was nuts.

[Woolly Bugger]

I can't comment on whether you should be on your meds or not, but I definitely don't think that you should lie to your support team. That will hurt you more than help you. You need their support, and the only way you can get it is by being honest with them.

[eeyore1234]

I think you should talk to someone in your support team and tell the truth!

Having bipolar and live without meds can work sometimes for some people.... But for me, it would be important to have a professional to talk to and to help me - and kind of look after me if something happens.

Hope you'll figure it all out!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Your posts sound a bit like you are heading into the delusional range which may be directly related to having stopped your meds. I think it might be best to be completely honest with your NP and let her help you sort out what you need to take and how to go back on the meds if that is what needs to happen.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Your posts sound a bit like you are heading into the delusional range which may be directly related to having stopped your meds. I think it might be best to be completely honest with your NP and let her help you sort out what you need to take and how to go back on the meds if that is what needs to happen.

I totally agree ....

[zepchic]

I don't think you sound delusional. I occassionally get a celebrity obsession that lasts for a few months, but then remind myself how stupid that is...LOL. I was obsessed with britney spears for like 5 years starting when I was 18.

I was on meds for the first time 10 years ago, then I went off. I lasted a good 10 years without major episode, now I am back on and thinking that maybe I could go off and have another 10 good years...idk

[Anrea]

I took my meds today - contacted my GP, and the nurse practioner at the mental health facility. I told all. I took a night med also - even though it was afternoon, and fell asleep. Now that I woke up, the psychic window in my brain that couldn't shut off the feeling of being one with the invisible layer of earth/connections/what goes on spiritually is closed again.

I enjoyed the no naps during the last 25 days. I enjoyed the energy and impulse and happiness I had. But today was a fast slide towards uncontrollable impulse that often led to problems.

I didn't have many issues with my meds, so idk why I stopped - I was just so sick for over a month, and ....

Anyway, I guess I need to target why I went off, and not ignore the issue. Maybe there was something going on. Maybe wellness and normalcy are boring or maybe I felt ....... maybe it was a whim, or maybe it was some deep message?

This no longer doing what I was told... and stopping my meds without permission... what will it mean for my future? What will I do? Can I trust myself, or have I lost something? Meds were a normal part of life, can they be again?

I am afraid of not knowing what is best for myself. I will continue taking a smaller dose until I see my NP on May 5th. I will try to target my concerns so I can be succinct when we converse.

:/ I thought I was better. Maybe bipolar has no 'better'.