[elevatedsoul]

so,
i am still "challenging" the bipolar I DX i got a while back... although i am convinced of the possibility, im still unsure..
sometimes im able to put things aside and become outgoing enough to where i can hold a conversation and be interesting, other times i feel so low im unable to communicate.... i dont think i've ever gone full blown manic but i cant be sure because of my alcohol and drug use in the past... plus all the things that i went through over the past 20+ years... (im 24)

im currently taking all these medications and still suffer crippling anxiety / depression, does that mean im just resistant or am i not bipolar?
they told me once that i need to relax and let the medicine work, although i am trying my hardest to not obsess and "relax and let the medicine work" it just doesnt seem to be working
i take everything as Rxed like a good lab rat and still have symptoms :/ am i just a ultra rapid cycler that cant tell where he is on the map? sometimes its really confusing and i wish i could just "know"

thanks for reading

[elevatedsoul]

oh, i forgot some of the other unpleasant symptoms...
difficulty swallowing, fatigue, muscle tension/weakness, chest pains, body parathesia
vertigo, then you have the mental ones like sensation of death or impending doom, terrible feelings :/ i used to have insomnia but now on the seroquel im sleeping too much 12+ hours a day... im used to 6 hours a day for good night rest

im also loosing some of the weight from zyprexa

oops: wrong section, meant to post in bipolar- sorry (brain fog)

[Altered Moment]

I self medicated with drugs and alcohol for 17 years. The thing is for a long time it worked until it didn't work. In the end it caused many more problems than it solved. So going back to that form of treatment is out of the question for me, it won't work. If you are drug and alcohol free I would strongly recommend you stay that way.

The problem for me was that once I got clean and sober my depression got worse and the meds didn't help that much. Not what I expected after getting clean and sober. I couldn't go back to it though. At least that was one huge problem out of the way though. Pdocs can't really tell what is going on if we are drinking and using and on psyche meds. All I can say is to stay clean and sober and to focus on recovery and on your mental illness whatever it may be. Meds don't always work so great but what choice do we have but to keep fighting the battle and trying to move in the right direction. The 19 years I have been clean and sober I have battled mightily depression and anxiety and it has gotten worse in recent years. Its a *****. Some how right now I am on a set of meds that are working great.

All we can do is stay clean, keeping messing with our meds, and throw whatever else we can think of at this horrible disease we have. I really wish I had a better answer for me and you and get really frustrated that I don't or that there isn't one.

[Victoria'smom]

crippling anxiety / depression look into changing the buproprin
My husband lived with thinking he was depressed for years DX depressed too. Turns out he's bipolar 1 because he had tons of mixed episodes it wasn't recognized.