[Solipsist]

I've been on Paxil for 10 years now. 40mg. I've experienced a world of difference from where I was when I started. Now I've begun the process of reducing my dose with the eventual goal of stopping all together.

I'm certain that once I began the meds and was somewhat "stabilized" I was able to start addressing some of my problems.

But I wish I had known when I started the meds that 2 years is the optimal length of time to be on anti-depressants. I wish I had known that the longer you stay on meds the harder is often is to get off them.

I am trying to get ready for the change-over by putting into place alternatives for coping and treating my issues (depression, self-injury, anxiety, panic attacks, etc.) My new family doctor (I havent had one for 8 years since I moved cities) has been working with me since March 2014 to start mentally preparing myself for the eventual elimination of my meds. I am beginning a CBT course later this month. She has suggested that working with CBT has shown to be as effective as being on medications. I am doing some research to find possible therapy options in my city, but the problem is that I am very low-income (ie. can't afford them).

I am really and truly terrified that the day will come where I get off the meds, get through the withdrawal month, and come out the other end as a person who is back to not knowing how to get out of bed, who lies for listless hours in the dark, who cannot communicate when she is upset, hurt, angry or in pain.

And I am most scared that I cannot handle life on my own. I am worried that I'll not be strong enough to live down those demons without the chemical balancing aid. I am scared that I will revert to a shell of a person who can never see the light and experience a Good day.

And I am scared that the suicidal tendencies will come back.

[ChangingMyMind]

It sounds like you're making the right changes to prepare to get of Medicine. So that is good. Maybe if you've worked through the problems that got you on meds you'll be ok without them.

I am in the same boat as you I was never told I would get off the medicine. I was just told I'd be on it for the rest of my life and I believed it. 11 years later I tried to go off and ended up in a tale spin that I haven't been able to get out of for the last 9 months. I am still trying though.
I am different though, I never worked through my issues with therapy, I just let the med help me through and I ignored the issues. I was never really told what to do and was put on meds before they tried to help me any other way at 20 years old.

Good luck to you I hope it's all that you would ask for and then some when you're off the meds!

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[Velouria]

It's good you're tapering and not going cold turkey. It's also great that you're already building a support system and that you have a plan in place. I could never do what you're doing.

Just remember that you have your doctor, who knows your history (and if she doesn't know it fully, you should tell her now), and if any of those symptoms come back, don't wait to speak up. Remember that you don't have to go it alone and that you do have help! If you need to go back on the meds, you need to go back on. It doesn't mean you're a failure. It means you're sick.

My therapist has always likened my illness to diabetes, since I will likely be on meds for the rest of my life. A diabetic will always need to take insulin. I will always need to take the meds in my signature below, give or take one. It's like having an autoimmune disorder of the brain.

[Jolisse]

I will most likely be on meds the rest of my life. I have such severe panic attacks and bouts with depression, I need meds to keep me somewhat sane.
I'm ok with being on meds, I just wish they worked better. I go through cycles of feeling good and then I crash.

[Solipsist]

Originally Posted by Jolisse

I will most likely be on meds the rest of my life. I have such severe panic attacks and bouts with depression, I need meds to keep me somewhat sane.
I'm ok with being on meds, I just wish they worked better. I go through cycles of feeling good and then I crash.

Yeah, same. I get about 4 to 8 cycles a year where I just go down, down, down and after a week, or three, or a couple months I go back up a little. I'm not bipolar, I'm quite certain of that. It's more like I dip way below the middle "normal" line, then climb back to that median after a while.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by Solipsist

Yeah, same. I get about 4 to 8 cycles a year where I just go down, down, down and after a week, or three, or a couple months I go back up a little. I'm not bipolar, I'm quite certain of that. It's more like I dip way below the middle "normal" line, then climb back to that median after a while.

Exact same for me. Four very bad ones for me each year. Traditionally a month at a time. Recent years 6 or 8 month ones. A lot depends on if my current meds are working or not. Right now they are working. I can see being on meds for life unless I just run out of med options. After 20 years I have practically been on them all.

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[Altered Moment]

To your original question it is very brave of you to try it with all the other tools besides meds and I suggest a very slow taper. And I understand why you want off of them.

But my opinion is if it ain't broke don't fix it. If it is still working just add all the tools you can to it. I have been on them for twenty years and have not had any adverse effects other than the sexual side effects. I don't really fear going off of them if I have no other options other than the depression getting much worse without them. That's just me though.

If I were you I would be scared that if you needed to go back on it it wouldn't work again. I am not sure how common that is. I know it is very common for one to quit working. I guess it depends on how much benefit you think you are currently getting from Paxil.

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