[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Part of the reason I came here was to get support for this. I was taken off klonopin cold turkey on Feb. 25th 2013, therefore I am now 19 months from that date and still in recovery. So the long list of symptoms of withdrawal is now reduced greatly but amazingly I still suffer tremendously. I have all the symptoms of general anxiety disorder, social anxiety, panic disorder, and severe insomnia to name a few. Also feelings of just pure terror at times and depersonalization.

My symptoms have decreased significantly since last year, but all the above listed problems make it really difficult to get back to mylife. Also this recovery is not linear. I have some good days and then almost feel like this whole thing just started last week.

I am really glad that I am off of klonopin, I no longer have the constant suicidal thoughts that I had before and feel like my mind is coming back to me. I had been on it 20+ years and it changed the structure of my brain. Lost my job and ability to function and much more. I'm just starting to be able to get out of the house more, but no where near where I was before.

If there is anyone out there going through the same thing I would love to discuss it with you. I don't recommend at all going cold turkey, a terribly misguided doctor put me through that for some twisted reasons of his own. I understand if you feel it is helping you and your reasons for staying on it, I've been there. I do however warn folks about the nightmare of starting any benzos for a prolonged amount of time.

This is a very brief account of this experience if that tells you anything! Any support anyone wants to give would be welcomed.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC. There are a number of others here who have been on it a long time and want to get off of it.

My use of it is recent. I don't know what to do though. The anxiety was so horrible and everything else we tried didn't work. Klonopin did. the anxiety was so bad it was making me suicidal. I wish we had more safer things that worked.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Hi Zinco. I am sorry that you had to be put on klonopin. I also was progressed to klonopin from ativan and other benzos that were not as effective for me. Now I get why it seemed to work so well. Not sure their are words to describe that medicine that are printable. To me the stuff is evil to put it simply.

The main thing I wanted to say to you is that the anxiety I felt prior to going on benzos was very strong and I also had suicidal thoughts. However it does not hold a candle to the terror I have had during withdrawal. Night terrors and waking up in a terrible state. The first few months I would wake up every hour or 2 in an awful state of anxiety or terror. Now that has pretty much stopped, but I do wake up with weird tremors inside my head that soon pass. I still CANNOT sleep a whole night through, maybe can get to sleep at 3 am or 2 am if I am lucky, then wake up no less than 3 times before I finally get up. I cannot change this no matter what I try. I have laid in bed for hours on end, wide awake. I used to cry when this happened so much. I am amazed that I am not ill due to the insomnia or lack of sleep for 19 months now. I would never have thought anyone could make it on so little.

I am assured from other survivors that this will eventually all pass. The brain is healing, very slowly it seems. I try hard to have a positive outlook towards the whole thing. Just as in everything else in life, I have good days and bad days.

[Altered Moment]

I am very sorry you are going through so much. I view klonopin as the same as xanax, ativan, valium, or whatever benzo. I am not sure they are any different as far as withdrawal. I don't know. Scaling way back on how much I take would be a good idea for me I think. Thanks for your insight. I have heard the horror stories not just from you.

[vvector0000]

Evil class of drugs, must be banned completely. Been on clonazepam for 16+ years, and after trying numerous times to taper, and accidentally experiencing abrupt discontinuation, I have given up hope of losing my dependence on this drug.

I am holding out hope that they will work on finding a new method to repair the brain abnormalities caused by protracted use of BZDs. Recent research with flumazenil (OF ALL THINGS!) seems to indicate that there may be a better way to work with this problem.

Please don't stop fighting or start taking them again, you've made it 19 months, that's 18 1/2 months more than I ever could. Curious what other meds you may be on.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Hi vvector,

Once I was forced to go cold turkey and made it through 4 days, I figured I could make it on the long haul. Funny I thought it would get better as time passed. It does, but not in a linear fashion. You go back and forth with the symptoms. Very strange. I would do ANYTHING rather than go through what I have ever again. If by some cruel twist of fate I was put back on it, not by choice, I would not try going through withdrawal again. I understand that everytime you stop and go back on it makes things worse.

I don't mean to scare you. If you choose to try withdrawal, most seem to have better luck with tapering down very slowly. You can do it if you want. Just be prepared for a long, long haul. I've been told 2 years is about average for long term use. Sounds daunting I know. So I have 5 more months until that point. I have also heard of people feeling all new and better than ever after recovery. Right now, that seems a long ways off!

One thing that I still cannot wrap my head around is that MD's totally deny (most of them) the existence of the protracted withdrawal syndrome. Many many docs told me that no way I would be having any symptoms after 2-3 weeks! Ha ha! So no support from them at all. One tried to give me a SSRI, which does not work during this for most. I am no longer on any psych meds as of 19 months ago. I may feel awful at times, not all the time but at least I am coming back to my true self. Good or bad!

[Travelinglady]

I was diagnosed with "mild cognitive impairment," and the doc said he thought it was because of Klonopin. That's been probably three years back. Now I am down from 3 mg a day to 1 mg a day, and I have been at that level for about a year, scared to ask to go down more. But I do want to get off of it eventually.

What I don't understand was why I was immediately put on Klonopin years ago instead of something milder like Valium to see if that helped.

I wouldn't dare try to go off of it cold turkey, especially after your situation, ForeverLonelyGirl. I hope your symptoms will finally go away soon.

[vvector0000]

This -absolutely- blows my mind as well. Next time you hear that, tell the person about how I had a seizure (one of many) while waiting in line AT THE FREE MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC because of a lapse in insurance coverage, TRYING TO PREVENT SEIZURES FROM BENZODIAZEPINE WITHDRAWAL.

I could not make that up if I tried.

I blame doctors. I'm past the forgiving 'They didn't know better' and am frankly just f*cking pissed these days.

As you said.. if I could change any one thing in my life, there's nothing else that even enters my mind but 'not starting klonopin'. Don't let it happen to you, guys..

"One thing that I still cannot wrap my head around is that MD's totally deny (most of them) the existence of the protracted withdrawal syndrome. Many many docs told me that no way I would be having any symptoms after 2-3 weeks! Ha ha! So no support from them at all. One tried to give me a SSRI, which does not work during this for most. I am no longer on any psych meds as of 19 months ago. I may feel awful at times, not all the time but at least I am coming back to my true self. Good or bad!"

[Altered Moment]

What I don't understand is why they have come up with nothing effective since the benzos. You would think there would be a market and incentive to. Benzos have been around for decades and nothing new???

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[mgb46]

When I was in rehab for two weeks they would not give me Klonopin. I was at .5-2 mg per day. They said my dosage was minimal and it would be ok. Maybe I was just lucky or it was the Trazadone they made me take, I was in a fog.

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[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by vvector0000

This -absolutely- blows my mind as well. Next time you hear that, tell the person about how I had a seizure (one of many) while waiting in line AT THE FREE MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC because of a lapse in insurance coverage, TRYING TO PREVENT SEIZURES FROM BENZODIAZEPINE WITHDRAWAL.

I could not make that up if I tried.

I blame doctors. I'm past the forgiving 'They didn't know better' and am frankly just f*cking pissed these days.

As you said.. if I could change any one thing in my life, there's nothing else that even enters my mind but 'not starting klonopin'. Don't let it happen to you, guys..

vector, I have spent many, many months feeling anger and rage for the situation I have been in. Towards the MD's, the drug manufacturers and 'big pharma'. Thank goodness I don't feel quite as angry anymore. I seriously considered a law suit, but I don't think any litagation has brought about any big wins for the obvious serious damage to benzo users. I think there have been small victories but not without months and months of suits which of course costs a fortune. I decided I did not have the strength emotionally for that huge fight and definitely not the financial resources .

I don't know why there has been no research done for a anti-anxiety medication to replace benzos. Maybe it has been researched, but I have never heard about it.