[sakera]

I've had anxiety and depression since my early 20, since college basically. I didn't do anything about it until i started having panic attacks a few years ago.

My doctor put me on Zoloft and I made it worst, plus i had horrible side effects. Then tried lexapro, cymbalta. Basically do not respond well to SSRIs

So for about 1 year now I'm on xanax, cause it really helps with my depression, which is not constant but more of sporadic crashes of hopelessness and sadness. I take as little as I can, 0.5 or 1 twice a day.

I've taken a couple of ADD tests and scored completely differently on them. One saying I have ADD and one saying I'm as far from it as anyone can be, I actually had incredibly good focus and rapid reaction and sustainability. That is not the experience from my real life tho where I can never focus on anything for more than a few seconds and I am constantly bothered by intrusive thoughts which leads to not completing things, being unorganised, leading to more anxiety and on it goes. Went through college with good grades without reading a single book. Made it though somehow

Recently my doctor prescribed adderrall xr 20mg to take 1 in the morning and it has had an amazing effect. I've never felt so "normal". I don't have any intrusive thoughts that takes my attention away from what I'm doing so able to finish things which makes me feel good. I don't worry about time anymore where I used to always feel as if "time is running out". I don't worry about things I have to do that I don't like, like going to see family for thanksgiving although it's 2 months away etc. I drive much better, slower, less stressed. And i feel calmand comfortable, and obviously more productive.After all, it is amphetamine..

Unfortunately this state goes away after only a few hours and I'm left with feeling uneasy, but not the same type of anxiety that i normally have. Taking more adderrall at that point doesn't seem to help and it gets me problems with sleeping at night even when taking xanax.

I wonder if anyone has been in the same situation, and if you've figured out any meds that work. Perhaps I should take a smaller dose of Adderrall, or take twice a day. Or is there anything similar to adderrall that helps with my attention and intrusive thoughts but has less negative side effects.

I know a lot of people dont recommend xanax for long term but for me I think it works so would not mind staying on it. It has no side effect for me really, i don't get very drowsy or get hungover like some do.

Thanks for anyone who took the time to read, and hope there's anyone who knows this strange stage of not really being full on depressed or bi-polar nor being diagnosed with OCD or ADHD

[sakera]

I should add I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist regularly for cognitive therapy. It has helped me a lot with issues like needing approval, perfectionism etc. but the anxiety (worry, guilt, stress) remains

[BadWolf]

I read a case study in which a man with ocd took his kid's Ritalin, to test the side effects before giving it to him.
It stopped his ocd and was perscribed a stimulant.