Sorry if this is rambling or doesn’t make sense.

I'm not doing well. I think I'm slipping into a depression. I'm currently on Effexor and I was on Zoloft but I stopped taking it, I tapered off very slowly last fall. I did this for a relatively shallow reason: I thought it was causing my hair to thin. I quit smoking, (something I thought I never would do) last year tbh more for cosmetic reasons rather than health. And now I’ve been trying to focus raising my self-esteem. But anyway I quit so I feel kinda like I chose life.

Possible trigger:

I happily used smoking as a passive-aggressive suicide and SI.

It is very hard for me to distinguish what is going on, and therefore what I should do about it. I can never tell if my depression & anxiety is psychological depression and anxiety or if it is something other. So now a few months on I’m crying a lot at work, easily irritated, anxious and feeling aggressive towards people…. I feel what I call anger energy. Like it’s energy preparing me to attack as in the fight or flight response.

I sit and wonder about what is causing this:
depression & anxiety
pms
overstimulation of my environment
I am just a bad person
life circumstances
burnout from work
being off of Zoloft
not being able to smoke my 'stress'

There have been times before where a MD bounced me around on several medications week to week because I wasn’t immediately relieved from depressive/anxious symptoms or if I had any side effect- every week I had a new bottle of pills… I don’t think this was necessarily effective. And then there have been times where I put off seeking help for months and then I finally make an appointment, get prescribed a medication and get better fairly easily. Then in hindsight I think 'oh it must have been the depression’.

After 16 years of almost consistently being on medication should I be able to tell what is causing my troubles? I guess I’m kind of afraid of taking medication just because life ain’t easy.
It is so weird. Is psychiatric treatment this confusing for anyone else?

I'm going to address just parts of your post. Do you see a psychotherapist or have you ever? I can tell that you have spent a lot of time and thought learning about your mental health but a professional psychotherapist can be extremely helpful.

Do you like the Effexor better than the Zoloft? Do you think it works better for you? How do the side effects compare?

I don't think stopping a medication because of hair loss is frivolous. Our hair is important to us psychologically. If Zoloft was the only medication available and you really needed it but refused to take it because you didn't want hair loss, then I'd think that was a questionable decision, but what you did, no.

I get the impression from what you wrote that you think that if your bad feelings are coming from your having problems with your job that medication won't make you feel better. That's not usually the case. If that's not what you meant, I apologize.

Depression is both biological and psychological and we can fight it both ways. You might consider expanding your "fight". You may already do some of these things. Lots of things that help depression are the same things people to do have a healthy lifestyle. Quitting smoking is a really good step in helping yourself.

If you look at the overall healthiness of your lifestyle as being a "tool" in fighting your depression, it gives you a lot more to depend on than just medication. I think that it can be helpful to know that you're doing a lot of different things to try to make yourself as healthy as possible, too.

Don't forget the psychotherapy, though. If your insurance doesn't cover it, you can ask your doctor for some ideas or call United Way at 211 to ask for low-cost options.

There's an online resource called 7 Cups of Tea that has "trained listeners". A couple of people have told me that they tried it and found it helpful. It's free.

Hi jo_thorne thank you for your reply
I have seen therapists before off and on. I quit this last time (about 2yrs ago) due to the copay skyrocketing.

I was on both at the same time but dropped the Zoloft and now I'm taking only Effexor.

I guess I am questioning if my job is what is causing it and wondering where to go from there.... " I get the impression from what you wrote that you think that if your bad feelings are coming from your having problems with your job that medication won't make you feel better. That's not usually the case." ... thank you for this!

I think the main point I'm trying to make is that there our so many variables to life and MI it is overwhelming to know what is causing what and how to proceed.... probably why you recommended psychotherapy. I'm afraid of upping or adding to my medication if something other than depression/anxiety is causing my agitation.

I will check into 7 Cups of Tea.

[Vonnegutjunky]

I know Zoloft can cause delayed withdrawal - it affects serotonin
receptors - but you will know if it's lack of Zoloft by you symptom patterns- they are immediate feelings of depression/despair they are more intense than normal and they come in-waves lasting about 20 min or so - then they dissipate- this can happen for a few weeks or days - then they can retreat for a few weeks or days - that's your brain trying to rebalance itself since the drug has been removed - if your symptoms are not in this waxing and waning pattern it's probably not the Zoloft -

If it's not the Zoloft than you have the ability to combat your depression on your own with the help of a professional and self help techniques such as meditation- journaling- gardening- exercise and taking care of a pet- these are just some things that have proven effectiveness to increase serotonin to help combat depression-
I have been on Paxil for the past 8 years and I have tried to come off of it 4 times unsuccessfully due to rebound panic and anxiety so I have read a lot about how the medications work - good luck to you - once you start implementing some positive self help everything else will fall into place !

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