[boldchexmix]

I don't understand how I feel anymore since starting Paxil treatment 9 weeks ago. Weeks 1-6 I was a rollercoaster, constantly up and down. Weeks 7-8 I was feeling pretty amazing, I had been working the past month about 80 hours a week and generally that burns me out pretty hardcore but when I slipped into my awesome mood I got so much done and didn't even care that I was wasting away in front of my computer screen coding. Currently my mood is pretty good but my constant passive suicidal ideation has come back with a vengeance and just hangs out like a bad smell.

I am at zero risk of self-harm, I don't want to die or anything like that. I'm a very rational person and I am fully aware that these negative thoughts are not my own actual wants or desires. The thing is though, at 9 weeks I was expecting this part of my problem to go away. I am disheartened that it remains, the only issue that seems to have resolved with Paxil is my anxiety. I am also experiencing a much higher level of irritability though no one else has noticed this since I am an expert at controlling any possible outbursts. I don't like feeling irritable though, every time someone tries to talk to me I just feel like they take too long to get to the point and that they are wasting my time. I never used to feel this way.

I also randomly get the urge to punch or destroy things, I haven't yet but I have been much more impulsive than normal (e.g. I spent over $1000 this past week on trading cards I didn't need when I should be saving up money to move since my lease is up at the end of November) and I constantly
wonder if I will eventually make the mistake of breaking objects in my home for no reason. I am also self conscious of the anisocoria that the paxil has caused, I worry that people will think I am taking drugs recreationally but I have no problem correcting them if they ever bring it to my attention it just would be a pain for people to assume that about me and then for me to have to correct that assumption.

I don't really know the point of all this, I guess I just want to know if this is all normal 9 weeks in on Paxil? I've been med-compliant the entire time and I have also been seeing a therapist bi-weekly since May. This is my first experience ever on an antidepressant so I have no other personal experience to relate to. Does my situation sound like I would benefit from a discussion with my doctor for either a dosage increase or a medication switch? Or, should I stick it out another month to see if I can balance out? I had to put up with so much this past 9 weeks that I don't want to give up on Paxil right before it potentially starts working so any insights or personal experiences that anyone can share with me would be exceptionally beneficial.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I have had insomnia for a very long time and it has worsened with Paxil. I have horrible grinding at night when I do eventually fall asleep, and I also have an extremely hard time waking up in the morning presumably from the increased insomnia. Seriously though, every morning I have my alarm going off next to my head really loud and I sleep through it for an hour. Thankfully it has not made me late yet, but my mornings are a lot more stressful as I keep losing the necessary time to gradually prepare myself for the work day.

[Skeezyks]

Hello boldchexmix: Well... the Skeezyks doesn't have any authoritative information with regard to this. But I saw no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. (By the way, I was on Paxil for a time quite a few years ago now. My recollection is it simply didn't do much of anything for me.)

Below is a link to a brief article with regard to the link between starting an antidepressant & experiencing increased anxiety. It can happen:

https://www.verywell.com/can-antidep...nxiety-1067346

Personally, I'm no longer on antidepressants. The last one I was on was Cymbalta. And I don't recall having any problems with insomnia while on that med. However, previously when I was on other AD's I had to take Trazadone for sleep because they did keep me awake. Another AD I have been on twice now was Effexor. I won't go into details with regard that one. But suffice it to say, I can't take it.

So, anyway, I think the take-away message here is that everyone's reaction to psych med's is different. It's like that euphemistic box of chocolates... you never know what you're going to get. I'm certainly no expert with regard to any of this. But my recommendation would be to consult your prescribing physician.

[*Laurie*]

In my opinion you should definitely discuss your symptoms with your prescribing doctor.