Possible trigger:

One of the reasons I think of killing myself is this.

Emotional maturity seems to be a big title nowadays.
I have an interest in corporate success. And I know it requires a great deal of knowledge and experience with social interactions. While I can gather knowledge, particularly about specific people as I am a sensitive person, I've never been a person to be actively involved in human activities.

Today there's talk about working on emotions, particularly in therapy.
I highly worry my teen use of AD's has stunted my emotional growth. And I believe it has.
I still like to tease around with my big brother, sometimes immaturely. I've struggled with romantic relationships, and other deep relationships. You could say it has to do with who I am as I've always had problems creating relationships with people. I would have very few close friends and suffice with that.

But the AD's worry me. I know, there's the inevitable answer of "It's in the past, now it's time to move forward", but I can't. I'm sorry but I can't. It's like telling someone with a lost leg to forget it and move forward. Just can't live a successful life as I defined it. You don't see a manager or a CEO with a missing leg (unless I'm wrong about this).
I am not willing to accept a disability, especially if it's caused by people (if my parents were better parents I wouldn't need the AD's, and the fact that the therapeutic process of therapy has led to such condition I have to use them), and that acknowledging it means limiting my potential. I tend to see myself as wasted goods, so I find damages unacceptable.
I'd rather die than live like a "kid".
As it seems, you have to be emotionally mature to be successful. Even if it means being ruthless or a "bad" person along the way.

[Travelinglady]

Dumb me is wondering what an AD is.

I found therapy very helpful in pushing me toward maturity.

I believe anti-depressants will leave your system completely after not taking them for a while. Do you have any proof or research to support your claims that they have stunted your emotional growth? Is it possible you are just looking for a reason as to why you are emotionally stunted, something that you can blame and therefore not accept any responsibility for?

Even if they did somehow stunt your emotional growth, there are actions you can take. We can always develop our maturity, even at a very old age. The only thing stopping you right now is you.

Thanks for the replies. It means allot to me.
AD = Antidepressant/s
And here is a link: https://www.google.co.il/amp/s/amp.t...-long-term-use
My ex therapist also said it’s a known felt effect, and just told me “But now we have to move forward”.
When I’d talk to him about it, he’d lie and say “they have not caused damage and have not hurt your frontal lobes”. He then said another claim with an exaggerated happy tone and a fake wide smile which seems so real, but the fakeness has gone through.

I have a problem living a life where I have to depend on even psychotherapy. Because it limits my possible potential if I just remove other obstacles, like friends who let out anger because as a depressed person it’s hard to deal and use anger. Or get away from parents who have limited guidance abilities. Because if I want a future, then I want it on my OWN! So only I and no one else will be a responsible part of my choices. Yet I feel on a lose-lose situation. Leaving people means I’m not accepting them for who they are. Yet accepting them means accepting being an anger trash bin.

My ex therapist would point out the blind conclusion that I let put anger on people for no reason. He tried to let my anger be inside even if it’s right. Becauae I have a HELL of reasons to be angry at my family members and my therapist. And if he allows himself to speak with assertive and angry tones with me, and yell at me because of his own issues, blame me for it and not apologize, then “emotional maturity” can go f*** itself.
The wisdom of anger is to let it out on whatever angers you. And better late than never, otherwise it could be my kids who will get the big blows, and it’s the last thing I want to do. My kids shouldn’t deserve this, and it’s one unfortunate reason why I think of not having children...

Oh and I remember some smiles I’d have during high school and they were absolutely disgusting to look at. They were monotonic and emotionless.
I actually remember photos of me during the time I was on Antidepressants. My face would literally look stunted!
Tell me, if I’m not a whole person because of this, what the f*** is the point of living?
And I remember people here, and others such as my ex therapist, tell me “You seem very angry”. Do you really think I’m gonna let this ******** go? I don’t think so.
I think this anger is very justified. And the fact that “you can’t do anything about it” are only fueling the anger further, because there is MUCH that can be done!
One spectrum I’m looking at is understanding the true underlying cultural causes of depression. I believe it has to do with corporations, leading some parents to a point where their anger has no room due to the roughness of competition, and hence they vent it ALL out at home.