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#1
May 07, 2009, 06:13 PM
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Really hard. An hour a week is all I can handle, I find it emotionally exhausting.
What sucks is I can't even outsmart the T, because I already told her all of my mental tricks I use to get the conversation away from uncomfortable subjects... She says eventually we will get to processing the trauma of the near rape in college...I don't wanna. I want to go back to forgetting it. Damn hypomania! It let me say stuff I wanted hidden forever. Of course the PTSD probably won't go away without processing the trauma....  Then there is working on my need to control everything. If I control everything, bad stuff that hurts me can't happen. Yeah, right. Then there is the whole Bipolar II thing. Need LOTS of therapy to deal with that.  Whaaaaah! I think I will chuck the whole therapy thing out the window and go back to being plain old unipolar depressed. Oh, wait a minute...that's how I ended up in therapy in the first place. 
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"Unipolar is boring! Go Bipolar!"  Amazonmom is not putting up with bad behavior any more. |
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#2
May 07, 2009, 06:35 PM
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((((((((((((Amazonmom)))))))))))))))))
It sounds like you have a good T. I know it's hard.....but maybe it will all be worth it in the end??? Hang in there.... 
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 Amazonmom
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#3
May 07, 2009, 06:55 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((((((Amazonmom)))))))))))))))))))))))
Just to give you a glimmer of hope....when I went to therapy, pretty much the LAST thing I wanted to do was to talk about being raped. I did everything I could to avoid it, but it came to a point where the PTSD had escalated so much that I just HAD to start talking about it. We did it SLOWLY, in bits and pieces, one word or sentence at a time. Sometimes I wrote things and brought them in. Sometimes I drew things. And finally we got to the other side of it, AND IT DOESN'T HAVE POWER OVER ME ANYMORE. Not like it used to. It may still come back up, but I don't think it will ever, EVER have the all-consuming, soul-crushing power that it had before we worked through it in therapy. So...there really IS light at the end of the tunnel. You will make it.
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| Amazonmom, mixedup_emotions, sittingatwatersedge
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#4
May 07, 2009, 08:24 PM
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Well... When started therapy I had NO intentions of exploring the past I had left behind. Wasn't interested in the past, didn't remember it much, in my mind was over and done with.
Boy, was I wrong.Its been hard going back...but I think I'm better off for doing it. |
| Amazonmom, mixedup_emotions, sittingatwatersedge, taylor43
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#5
May 08, 2009, 03:55 AM
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__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
| Amazonmom
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#6
May 08, 2009, 06:39 AM
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dear AMom, here is a gentle hug for you
it is hard but this is STELLAR >> Quote:
about the head banging against the wall icon.... please go easy on yourself. it hurts me to see that one. the work is HARD HARD HARD !!! but the rewards are worth it. share the pain and frustration, we are here for you. Someone is on PC most all the time.
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| Amazonmom
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#7
May 08, 2009, 06:56 AM
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Amazonmum, Yes it is very hard, but so worth it. Just today T was talking to me about the inner strenght it takes to explore in therapy and how I dont see it like that, I still feel as if I'm a jelly in other areas of my life, but I said therapy to me is a no brainer, one just has to uncover the different layers of who we are and how we have been effected, I mean who'd want to live in ignorance?? But apparently many do. So yes its hard and your doing a grand job!
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
| Amazonmom
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#8
May 08, 2009, 10:56 PM
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Hey again Amazon!! I definitely think it's great that you let T in on all your "tricks." I imagine right now it feels like you're extremely vulnerable but it's so worth it in the long run. It's okay to tell your T that because it's a safe environment. You're totally protected and safe. I know what it's like to be processing coping with the Bipolar II diagnosis. We were already talking about how shocking it was to be diagnosed with it and it initiates the grieving process and it's great to have a T to help you through that process so you don't get stuck. I have been in therapy for a year and a half and I'm still mainly working through the greiving process. We haven't really even touched on past stuff other than superficially mentioning it. It's normal to be exhausted after a session. It sucks but it's normal. And if it's really a problem to you, talk to T about it. Maybe you can unwind a little bit in the last 10 minutes of therapy rather than leaving with it and trying to process everything on your own. Anyway, good luck. I know it's so hard but stick with it. You'll be happy for it in the long run!!! Take care!
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| Amazonmom, mixedup_emotions
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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