[sittingatwatersedge]

is there an actual name for what I call push-pull behaviour, in which one wants to be close to some other(s), but at same time strongly pushes away anyone attempting to get close?

is this kind of behaviour found in any category?
Note: NOT talking about voluntary, premeditated behaviour, but rather, automatic, impulsive.

I feel a little tongue tied asking the question, so sorry if I am not clear; but I;d like to know. I don't mean to be cryptic; there is a lot of pain here.

[searchingmysoul]

(((((((Sitting)))))))

I don't have a clinical name for it. I do it too though. I think those of us who have survived abuse have this way about us. Like getting close to someone else feels good and scary and unfamiliar at the same time. For me, I also find that I know what to do with people when they are difficult or hard or inattentive. I don't know what to do with people if they are consistently nice or helpful or loving.

Take care.

[Luce]

That would be attachment related, yes? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults

See the diagram about the attachment avoidance strategy.

[chaotic13]

I have a name for it but it would get past then sensors. :-)

[deliquesce]

not sure if this is on the right track, but maybe fearful-avoidant attachment would fit?

from wiki:
People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others." People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don't trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and hide their feelings.

they list other attachment styles there too. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachm...achment_styles

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((((((Sitting)))))))))))))))))))

I don't have an answer, but I just wanted you to know I read your post and I'm sorry there is a lot of pain.....
I hope you feel better soon.

[Sannah]

Fear of Intimacy?????

Originally Posted by searchingmysoul

I also find that I know what to do with people when they are difficult or hard or inattentive. I don't know what to do with people if they are consistently nice or helpful or loving.

Because the first group of people you don't fear that they will get close. The second group of people can get close - eekkkk!