forgetting sessions

i know that some ppl here forget, or aren't present, in their therapy sessions sometimes, and i was wondering how you deal with it. or if there are things you can do to prevent it from happening again.

pdoc has recently been bringing up stuff that i have told him in the past, but i can't remember saying any of it. it is a bit scary, because he knows more about me than i thought he knew.

he's mentioned this stuff a few times before, but i never said anything about being surprised. but now that we are dealing with it a little more directly, i want to know the extent of what he knows, and when i told him, and how i told him, and if i told it to him in the proper way (with all the appropriate disclaimers and stuff).

it is a bit disorienting. i am not terribly upset about it, but i am a bit confused. feeling a little bit like i'm not in control anymore. i know there is a large chunk of my life that i kind of dont remember from 2 years ago, and i suspect that this is when that stuff came out, but i dont know.

Del, it seems to me that the concepts of being able to hide...and being in complete control of what everyone sees and knows about you...is another one of those things the trauma monster tells you or convinces you is important, but...isn't really.

I am SO **** about trying to represent only FACTUAL substanciate thing from the past.If I do not have a detailed memory of an event, I resist talking about thing I feel MAY have happened or that I worry might have happened. I tell myself its because I don't want to lie, embellish anything. More I am seeing it as a way to avoid address the difficult feelings associated with the mights and mays. This has really inhibited my progress.

((((((((((((((((((((((((deli))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I forget a LOT of my sessions. Sometimes later, I'll get a hazy memory and I'll ask T about it and he can tell me in more detail what happened.

Sometimes I want to know what happened in a session, so he'll sum it up for me (like on the phone between sessions or at the beginning of my next session). Sometimes I DON'T want to know, and he respects that.

It's hard for us (me and T) to prevent it. I know that there have been times when I really want to stay present and I'll tell him that before the session and then if I start to drift away, he'll ask me to stay, or we'll stand up, or name things in the room, or switch chairs. It can be a lot of work.

I've asked T how I can know what I'm telling him if I don't remember. He said when I was ready, I would tell myself. That's kind of what has happened, I think...

Honestly, I've just become accustomed to not remembering much. It used to really bug me, but now it seems normal, and T says it still "counts" even if I don't remember the details.

Don't know if any of that is helpful!!!

(((((((((((((((((Tree))))))))))))))))))))) I forget allot of things from my session it can take up a couple days where i remember things i said it can be quie a shock to what i said. I keep a journal to stressful event and trying to do more of it so i do not sound so forgetful. I hope this helps. Do you find t is tiring and overwhelming at times.

Thanks for the post((((Deli)
I forget parts of my session all the time. It usually take me a day or 2 to process what happened and think about what was said. Generally, I'm able to journal or write about it and bring it into next session. Don't worry this is pretty normal

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You know, I had a couple of different periods of time, one from last summer, and one from more recent where the medication I was on for severe allergic reactions had the side effects of sedation, along with another medicine which had the side effects of "agitated mania" and delusional thinking and slightly psychotic (well known to cause these effects at the doses I was on).

Yeah, I can't remember a lot of that time, but my T fills me in when I ask. I was lucky he was there or I would have been hospitalized for my paranoid delusions. I've got Generalized Anxiety Disorder and ADHD; not a psychotic or delusional disorder, so it's quite out of character for me. I actually laugh at it now. You have an excellent Pdoc from what I understand; likewise my T is the best bar none. You shouldn't feel ashamed or scared of anything you might have said or did during your less present moments. It doesn't mean you are out of control now by any means.

Things happen, and sometimes you have to try to live more in the moment than let yourself be plagued by the possibility that you said/did things while not fully cognizant at one time. It might even be good that you were able to open up with someone you trust when you were at your most vulnerable. I think it was good for you. And see? The world hasn't exploded or anything!

my pdoc says its disassociation your mind is just so ful of other stuff that it disconnects - I hardly ever remember what is said in my session.... I wish I did - then I could replay it and feel safe.

take care Deli

This is a problem for me also. I've gotten to where I actually take notes when my tdoc has something particularly profound to say, when he has "steps" he wants me to learn, and when he gives me a homework assignment. Otherwise, I get home and realize I can't remember some of his most important points. It really forces me to stay present and do the work that therapy requires.

I tend to remember most of my sessions, but on occasions when I get too stressed out or in pain, then I can sort of partially "go away" where i am only halfway aware of what is going on in the room. My t calls it dissociation too, and she said if i dissociate, it is her job to bring me back into the present. I always know if i have dissociated because afterward, i feel very exhausted and also have kind of a fuzzy spacy feeling in my head.

thanks for all your replies, guys . it's kind of good to know this happens to other people and that therapy is still ok. also, it's good to be reminded that it happens to a lesser extent sometimes, too - like when i forget what T has told me to do for homework, or something. i guess it's probably a sliding scale, and has a lot to do with stress.

i know that it's a problem of dissociation, just i hadnt realised i was still talking whilst in that state. i know i used to dissociate very much with my old-T, but from what i can gather, i wasn't giving coherent answers to anything, so he would keep having to bring me back.

i guess i didnt realise i was still doing work with pdoc during these states. and disclosing stuff that i had guarded so much before.

chaotic - you response scares me in its accuracy. how on EARTH did you get inside my head and know exactly what i was concerned about?! how do you deal with the mights and the mays? i try to only deal with fact, it gives me something concrete to focus on. the mights/mays i'm ambivalent about. if they didn't happen, i don't want to incorporate them into my life history.

treehouse - thanks for sharing, darling. i did find it helpful! you are right in that it probably still 'counts' - i know my trust in pdoc just grew immensely after he stayed with me during that crazy period. so even if i dont remember anything that happened then, i still know that that's what made me trust him.

lol simcha thank you for reminding me the world hasn't exploded . i actually have had hallucinations and delusions in the past - most recently because it was a side effect of the meds i was taking, but previously just because my brain likes to play up at times. i find that i typically remember those periods quite ok. not brilliantly, but certainly enough to have a general idea of what was going on. you are right that it's good i could trust pdoc even when i was that vulnerable. he became someone to rely on for me. up until then we had a good relationship, but nothing as amazing as what we have now.

Deli, this is inherently unhelpful......but sometimes I can be incredibly obstinate and rambunctious in therapy. If my T brings up stuff that I can't remember telling her and its ALOT. I say "No I didn't. You must be thinking of someone else. I don't remember telling you that!". I know I probably did say it. She is not in the habit of lying. I just like to test the boundaries. She learn't the first time and takes notes now so she can PROVE that i said it. It is her way of saying, "you cannot get out of talking about stuff you would prefer to remain hidden. On the day that you told me, it was a breakthrough. Don't use your current mood as an excuse to pretend it didn't happen!!" Ha ha ha!! I forget how smart she is sometimes.

Sorry, not very helpful.......but don't be scared, babe.......I don't like it when people get scared. Probably because i am always scared.

(((((Cuddles for Michah))))))

haha, your T knows you well . do you think it's a dissociation thing for you too, michah? i absolutely, 100% trust that i told this stuff to pdoc - it is such a personal thing that he couldn't be getting it confused fro someone else. i am a little bit suss that maybe he found out from my old-T? because they used to talk quite a bit. but i wouldn't be upset with pdoc for knowing, just one more thing to be angry at old-T about.

i'll try not to be scared . i think it's just something i need to bring up and ask him about, i guess. he'll be cool about it, i'm sure. i'm a bit worried i might disappoint him, though. like - maybe he didnt realise i was dissociating all that time. i dont want to disappoint pdoc, because he's the best. but he probably does know, or maybe he suspected, because i guess he knows me well.

I dont think pdoc will be disappointed with you I hope your discussion goes well - take care P7

Deli-
I also blank out during sessions. I have found that over time it has happened less. But it still happens when I am really emotionally distressed. I hate it when I hear something later that I mentioned that I don't remember. I especially hate it when it happens with my pdoc as then I can't always remember what i am supposed to do with my meds. I found it really disturbing at first, and i didn't want to mention it because I was scared it was going to make my T think I was even more crazy. But when I did mention it she said that it happens a lot. Good Luck.

Thanks for cuddles babe......yeah, I used to disassociate a lot with my first T. I had her for 7 years. And sometimes she would push me to the limit. It took her weeks to get anything out of me and then I would have a talkative day and nothing again for weeks. I used to storm out of her office mid-session, sometimes I would be physically removed by a big nurse because i would go on rampage and while I would swear at her and call her all the names under the sun, she would yell out "see you next week Michah, and don't forget to do that homework I gave you, sweetie" I tried to break her so many times and she never did. She would just smile prophetically at me and say "lets move on shall we?" I get giddy now when I think of her and how she saved my life and all she put up with.

I think now, I just ignore my T. I have bad concentration issues and get distracted easily. I also cannot sit still for a whole hour. i also don't like talking much as general rule unless I have something interesting to say. So she "loses" me a lot, but she is really good at bringing me back to the present. I have a bit of a mad brain and all processes seem to happen simultaneously. She is very patient. She is awesome. I am very lucky

Good luck......telling him is the best thing you can do......that way they can help bring you back to the present ( the everloving present)

Sorry, I am a bit silly today.....not much sleep lately

So you get scared too? I'm a six foot tall military veteran who is in their twenties, and I still get scared of what are in reality innocuous, normal things! For real, lol!

Fear is nothing to be ashamed of--it forces us to pay attention to a pressing problem area in our current life, which turns out to be a good thing for us. Fear can drive us to great things---it does not indicate cowardliness or some sort of a personal fault/failure/weakness on our part! No one has the right, let alone the authority or even the ABILITY to judge anything; they don't know, and they certainly weren't there.

On a lighter note, I sometimes forget just how intelligent and how much of a good therapist my T is too. I definitely don't take his kindness, empathy, and skill for granted! Maybe someday I can tell him my thanks in a way that is meaningful and fitting, but like most things, I think he already knows that I appreciate and respect him, even if I don't say it directly...

Okay dokay, I'm sure I'm partly rambling right now. I really should eat something more than Pop Tarts for dinner, you think?