missing T

I had T this morning (a good session), but by the end of the day it felt as if the whole week should be done already. I see my T again on Thursday, but I wish that I could have gone back tonight. My office-mate was off to T after work tonight and I was jealous. I just want to go back and feel safe.

Awww, googley. I'm sorry you don't feel safe outside of T. I feel the exact same way about feeling like a week should pass in one day - I had T yesterday and wish I had it again today, but for different reasons. I always walk out of a session feeling lighter and in a good place. And then I go home and journal and think about what we've discussed, and it seems like something ALWAYS comes up that hits me after the session, something that I obsess over all week while I wait for that next session to finally come. And then I have all of this anxiety that builds over the issue that I want to discuss - ugh!

I'm glad you see your T again on Thursday - hang in there!

Thanks dreamseaker,
It's not that I don't feel safe outside of T, it is more that i feel warm and fuzzy (assuming no really pressing stressful issues) in my T office. I feel like I can talk about just about anything and I know that she cares about me. I feel cared for there. I think that is the feeling that I am missing.

It's so hard sometimes.

I know what you mean... there's no place I'd rather be sometimes than back in that room with T.

googley; Yeah, I know just how you feel. That's why I wish I could have stayed in therapy forever. I always wanted to go back right after I left; in other words, I never wanted to leave.

dreamseeker: That used to happen to me a lot. I would call my T because I couldn't wait the week. Boy, now I think those were the good ol' days. Maybe you can call or email if you can't hold it in.

I haven't discussed that with my T, and she didn't provide with an email - it wasn't on her business card. It's not something that is urgent, I feel like I'd be overstepping if I call about it. Plus, it's easier to just obsess over it in my mind!

I see my T again on Thursday too.

Sometimes I feel like therapy is the only place where I can truly be me and not have to play the part someone else wants me to play. I don't have to be brave and perfect. I don't know if my poor brain could handle more frequent therapy because I do find it rather emotionally draining.

Would a hug help you feel more safe?

This is my experience as well. It seems that when we deal with one thing, it clears the way for another thing to pop up.

I can call and e-mail T between appointments, but in some ways, that makes it seems like therapy NEVER ENDS. I am ALWAYS working on something. Sometimes I wonder if it would just be better to learn to shut things down between sessions. I think I have a fear that if I don't deal with things as they pop up, I find a way to push them to the dark corners of my mind, and I'll never heal.

I hope Thursday comes soon for you, googley

Isn't that great also? I know now as I begin to make T's caring "mine", I get that warm fuzzy feeling when I journal and when am taking care of myself, simple things like setting my book I'm reading beside me with my glasses on top, I dunno all these "little" things now mean something. How empty a life without this "small" joys!! Glad you are getting some of this from your therapy!

Mouse
That seems like a really good idea to be able to take all the little things that I do for myself and feel like they are providing that caring. I don't think I am there yet though. But it seems like a wonderful place to be. Thanks.