[Christina86]

Yep! I made her cry.

I'm not happy about that.

Actually, at the time I was incredibly uncomfortable and worried about her because I didn't know what the heck to do!

We were talking about getting to a point of "self worth" and she teared up and said it was because she cared about me and wanted to help me and to see the good in all me... etc etc etc I can't remember now, oops.

According to her, in the course of ONE hour session, we discussed enough material to cover 4 sessions!! I kinda went WOAH when she said that. She writes me out notes of things to remember from a session to go back to later (I won't remember later otherwise...) and the entire page is ABSOLUTELY COVERED WITH STUFF!

Discussing abuse stuff and it's repercussions is hard.

She hasn't made me discuss the original abuse stuff that actually brought me back into counselling with her yet...

and I'm kinda glad, since I don't know if I could talk about it - like give a report on what happened. I always tend to dissociate that way...

But we're making progress, I think??

Anyways, she gave me homework!

'lo and behold! It's not HARD!!

I'm supposed to journal every day, especially on what we discussed until I see her next (two weeks, minus 2 days now) and I'm supposed to actually review what she's written down for me.

Like actually read it.

She also suggested sharing it and discussing it with a close friend that I can trust...

Now, the friends she knows and suggested I turned down for varying reasons...

But my one friend ... well, he's a special character. Anyways, I asked him to find time soon (a couple of hours) to talk about it... and he's agreed to do that for me.

Alls well that ends well I guess??

Except I still don't like that I made T cry. But she was empathizing I guess and it did feel "right" that she was there with me and experiencing stuff...

But really awkward. And I'm hoping that doesn't happen again because I've never known exactly what to do to make someone feel better when they're crying!!

[chaotic13]

So... You T wants to to discuss you abuse with your friends? Why? It is so incredibly difficult to discuss things in therapy.

I'm glad you were able to get stuff out. I'm just not sure how it benefits you to now tell others.

[Luce]

It seems like you had a really intense session.
I've had T's tear up and cry on me before too. At my last session I told my T something that she reacted to by tearing up and holding her hand over her mouth. After a moment she tried to say something, but her voice cracked and she put her hand back over her mouth again. I always find it... perplexing, I guess. There's something about that that I just don't get.

Hey, you know what, tho? You don't 'need' to make your T 'feel better' when it happens. Feelings are just feelings - it's ok to for people to just experience them without having to change them. I think T's are (generally speaking) better than most at sitting with their feelings. I think... if a T feels that degree of empathy with a client it's just part of the process, and not something we need to 'make better'. I do know how uncomfortable it can be though.

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

So... You T wants to to discuss you abuse with your friends? Why? It is so incredibly difficult to discuss things in therapy.

I'm glad you were able to get stuff out. I'm just not sure how it benefits you to now tell others.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh... I totally didn't make that clear. No, she's not making me discuss the abuse stuff with my friends. She's asking me to discuss some of the stuff about how I see myself and how I judge myself with friends. I'm basically the person who depends on everyone else to tell me who I am as a person (one persons comment either negative or positive can either ruin me or make my day/week/life complete). It's hard to explain what's on the piece of paper, but I'm supposed to go over parts of it (whatever I want to share).

I chose this specific friend because he basically already knows me ridiculously large amounts already and about my addictions (and yes, briefly about the abuse... actually the most of any man on the planet besides my one therapist who was a man) and basically who I am as a person.

My issue is that I try to isolate and do everything myself. I'm a huge control freak, and she thinks that if I don't feel as isolated in trying to "fix" myself and that I have support (even if they don't fully understand) outside of therapy that it will be better for me than having only my therapist to depend on.

I'm a bit tired at the moment (it IS 4:20am and I'm clueless as to why I'm awake still) but I'll come back and try to explain myself further when I've got caffeine in my system as well as some sleep.

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by Luce

It seems like you had a really intense session.
I've had T's tear up and cry on me before too. At my last session I told my T something that she reacted to by tearing up and holding her hand over her mouth. After a moment she tried to say something, but her voice cracked and she put her hand back over her mouth again. I always find it... perplexing, I guess. There's something about that that I just don't get.

Perplexed! That's the word! I was utterly confused about why she was crying because I don't normally cry in session and I certainly wouldn't cry as a result of what she was saying!! It was so odd. I was wondering if I was supposed to comfort her or ignore it or what...

Hey, you know what, tho? You don't 'need' to make your T 'feel better' when it happens. Feelings are just feelings - it's ok to for people to just experience them without having to change them. I think T's are (generally speaking) better than most at sitting with their feelings. I think... if a T feels that degree of empathy with a client it's just part of the process, and not something we need to 'make better'. I do know how uncomfortable it can be though.

This part of your reply makes me pause. A lot. I'm such a people-pleaser, that I will go out of my way to help others and seeing someone upset just usually makes me upset to the point where I MUST help them. Unhealthy a bit, yeah. I'm not too great with dealing with my own emotions though, so I suppose I shouldn't be trying to "fix" other people's either... thank you. It gives me another thing that I should remember for future reference.

[phoenix7]

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Christina86

Yep! I made her cry.

Christina, you didn't make her cry. She chose to cry. She is in charge of her own feelings and expression of them.

I'm not happy about that.

It shows she cares and empathizes. It's a good thing!

I was incredibly uncomfortable and worried about her because I didn't know what the heck to do!

You don't need to do anything. You can just let her be sad, or you could comment, "thank you for caring about me." It means a lot to me when my T cries.

And I'm hoping that doesn't happen again because I've never known exactly what to do to make someone feel better when they're crying!!

Maybe it's a misperception that sadness is a bad way to feel and so you need to change it. There's nothing wrong or unhealthy about being sad. The last time my T cried, I was sitting right next to him and we were having this very intense conversation and he teared up in a major way over some minutes. It did not end. I did what I felt, and I let myself respond and tear up too--I gave him my tears. And then I reached out my hand to hold his. It was a very human moment for both of us. My hand to his meant I understood and was a show of solidarity, "I so understand what you are feeling, and I thank you." I was not giving him my hand to make his tears go away.

Originally Posted by Luce

I've had T's tear up and cry on me before too.... I always find it... perplexing, I guess. There's something about that that I just don't get.

That's interesting, Luce. Do you not get that because you think you're not worth caring about? Or are you perplexed that a professional you pay a fee to would have emotion? Our hired T's are robots? I see it as a sign of some reciprocity in the relationship. I am glad you have had such caring in your T relationships. I wonder if it perplexes because you don't feel the same caring and closeness to them as they seem to be demonstrating they feel to you by their tears?

Christina, good luck with the meeting with your friend. He sounds like a really nice guy.

[rainbow8]

I also have a weird reaction to my T crying. I've never cried in therapy, ever. Not in 15 yrs. with different Ts. This one sometimes gets tears in her eyes during therapy. Not too often. When that happens, I look away. I just can't look at her or ask what I said to make her teary-eyed. Once she said that she cries easily, so I guess that's it. But it makes me very uncomfortable and I want to run away. I always wished I could cry in therapy, but I couldn't. I always had trouble showing/expressing my emotions. No one cried much in my family.

Christina, I agree that you don't have to do anything about your T crying. It sounds like you had a very productive session and that you have a good T.

[Elysium]

A couple years ago, I made this collage for T about my feelings because I have such a difficult time expressing them and it's easier for me to put it in art and writing.

She looked at my collage and started to cry!!! It wasn't a lot of tears, just a few.

I was terrified!! I didn't know what to do, or say. I just sat there and stared at the ground. I wanted to apologize....to say I'm sorry that I showed her my pain and I didn't mean to hurt her. But I couldn't say anything...I just froze!!

I still feel guilty about that. I've never told her....

[Christina86]

Thank you everyone... just thank you, a lot.

It makes me feel so much better and so VALIDATED to know that I'm not completely crazy and that others have felt the same way that I did during that session!

Is it bad that I haven't even started the homework yet?? I mean, I'm supposed to BLOG and that's something I do normally but I just ... haven't.

Sigh. I'm always at a loss about how to properly comfort someone who's crying... especially depending on the amount of tears and all that... if there's a formula somewhere or a list, that would be awesome. But I guess that's missing the point - that I'm just supposed to BE there in the moment with the person.

But honestly, I've made her cry before but it's usually a time where I'M crying or times when I know that they're "happy" tears. So weird...

Anyways, thank you all for responding to me - I truly appreciate it.