I know I posted about this yesterday, but I am still thinking about it today.

T and I worked hard (mainly T, I'm afraid) to repair our rupture yesterday. I left still feeling kind of untrusting and discouraged though.

When I came home from T my mom called to tell me my brother was in jail. She had a dental appt and the police dept ended up calling me, saying that they would release him on a signature bond if I could vouch for the fact that he would show up for his court date. I was SO ANGRY. Sitting there, homeschooling my kids, living my life, and having to deal with this idiot 35 year old drug addict and the police. I told the officer that I had NO idea if he would show up to court, and that if he didn't, I didn't want the fallout to somehow come down on me. They clearly wanted to just get the cell emptied, because the officer pretty much insisted that I give him my name and address so they could let my brother go. I did it, and I SO regretted it. Still makes me kind of sick.

Then a few hours later my mom called, saying that her oncologist had called (but she missed the call because she was downtown at the jail picking up my brother) and that they had found something on her bone scan and she needs to go in as soon as possible. Getting a panicky call from your oncologist- the doctor herself, not one of her staff - is not good. She is going Monday at 10:30 and I am going with her. If this is the breast cancer returning in her bones (which it likely is), it is terminal.

My mom was my abuser, and I am her caretaker, always have been, but espcially since my dad died of cancer 5 years ago. Obviously, my brother is the opposite of helpful.

I am just devastated and confused and sick. The triggers and feelings go so so so so so deep. I called T and left kind of a factual message about what was going on and then called back, sobbing. I didn't even know what to say, just kept repeating "I don't know what to do". Because I don't.

T called back and left a very emotional message. He said his heart hurt. He promised me that everthing between us is okay, and that we will find a way for me to get through all of this.

So, rupture over for now. I see him Tuesday. Feels FAR away.

[Mouse_]

Treehouse, Its ok to say NO! and MEAN IT! f**k what the Police wanted, that was their problem. Seriously, its ok to take the oxgen mask and breathe your air, you don't have to suffocate by allowing everyone else to take precedence, well acept for your children of course.

[searchingmysoul]

(((((((treehouse)))))))

There are no easy answers when you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. What you are currently facing, sorting through your past, and managing your present, is no easy feat. YOU are amazing and courageous and your T is a huge support. I am glad you were able to reach to him and he reach to you also.

treehouse

so been in yer place...been caretaker for the mother from hell with all of her demons....and that was so hard...but what was my option? my skitzophrenic sister who tried to kill her (oh wait there was a problem with that?...stumpy...you know thats not right)

getting calls from the polics about said sister, seeing her brother on tv robbing banks to support a militia...ah yes...it's so good to be disfunctional my feeling is that if you are going to do it might as well strive for the top!

all while commuting and working as a law enforecement officer myself and being physically ill and with untreated ptsd, did and a whole bunch of other initials.

you are so lucky you have a great t...they make a world of difference. i had no t . tuesday will come...if you need to reach out...remember i have huge ears...and no life....so bug me...i'll listen.

stumpy.

oh and 1 of the eaglets has left the nest

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((( I am sorry, Thouse. )))))))))

your DH can be strength for you at this time too. I wish I could be there to help you.

[lifelesstraveled]

((((((((((treehouse))))))))))))

[Simcha]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((TREEHOUSE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are not responsible for your brother. I would have let him rot so that he learns from his actions. When people rescue him from his own behavior, he doesn't feel the consequences as deeply and doesn't learn from his own mistakes.

How do you know if the cancer is terminal? Just because your mother might have cancer showing up again, it doesn't mean it's terminal unless there is some sort of evidence indicating that. You need to take one thing at a time and try not to take on other people's problems right now. Your mother will figure things out with you as they present themselves.n As for your brother, he is a WAYYYYYY low priority and I'd just leave that one alone. You bailed him out. Make sure he makes his court date so that they don't revoke the bond that has your name on it---but beyond that you owe him nothing.

I'm not sure what happened with your T and why you had a rupture, but this seems like a cycle of events. Perhaps this is a part of recovering from multiple traumatic experiences when you have a lack of trust in others resulting from that.

--sam

((((((((Treehouse))))))))))

I'm glad you have your T for support with all of these other things going on in your life. Take care.

Originally Posted by Simcha

How do you know if the cancer is terminal?

Breast cancer that comes back as a metastasis in the bone is terminal.

You're right about my brother. I just got off the phone with T and he helped me with boundaries.

I'm in what T and I call "**** it" mode now....just moving forward and doing what has to be done. It's kind of a relief.

I'm soooo sorry you are going through all of this. You know I'm here if you need me.

We have soooo much in common. I have been through the "bailing the addict out AGAIN" frustration too. I know this sounds weird, but I'm glad you can get angry at your family. That is healthy.

Even now that both junkie brothers are dead, I still can't get angry at them. So, you go girlfriend. Get pissed for all of the sisters in the world who can't.

I'm also glad that you have such a wonderful T. I often wonder what my life would've been like had someone thought to do that for me as a kid.

When my mother's lung cancer came back, I knew she wouldn't live long. You just kinda know. I'd been her caretaker since I was a little girl, mostly because she was an alcoholic, but also because after my father died, she had a nervous breakdown. Even through our worst times, I always had her back whether I wanted to or not.

One of the best pieces of advice I got from p-doc when I was struggling with the "how do I forgive her before she dies" stuff was,

If this was a woman you were meeting for the first time, and she told you HER story, woman to woman, about why her life turned out the way it did, would you have compassion for her?

I know it seems simple. But I will tell you, for me, it was very, very powerful.

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

One of the best pieces of advice I got from p-doc when I was struggling with the "how do I forgive her before she dies" stuff was,

If this was a woman you were meeting for the first time, and she told you HER story, woman to woman, about why her life turned out the way it did, would you have compassion for her?

This is somewhere I can't go yet. It scares me to death.

I know our stories have so many similarities, dear Orange. I thought about PMing you but didn't want to trigger.... So thank you for responding.

Thanks to EVERYONE for your kind words and thoughts.

I'm very, very sorry to hear about everything going on, treehouse. Take care of yourself, and I'm glad you and your T are back on track.

[chaotic13]

Treehouse, sounds like your life is VERY challenging. When my mother got that news, I just was not a point where I could handle it. I can't imagine dealing with this AND a brother who is having problems too. Many hugs treehouse. I guess the only thing you can due is pace yourself, deal with one thing at a time, and repeat the Serenity prayer each morning.

The serenity prayer is a great reminder, Chaotic. Thanks for that.

T said in an e-mail about my next session on Tuesday: Tuesday will be all about what you need

I am SO grateful to have T, and this board, and AA, and my band, and lots of friends. I didn't have any of that when my dad died of cancer 5 years ago. I'm glad that in the midst of all of this muck and darkness that I will hopefully still be able to find some love and light.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Simcha

You are not responsible for your brother. I would have let him rot so that he learns from his actions.

Yeah, me too.

Originally Posted by treehouse

He promised me that everthing between us is okay, and that we will find a way for me to get through all of this.

I am so glad you have your T, treehouse.

You are doing enough to get through. It is OK to be in "**** it" mode. I hope you can lean on your H for help too.

Originally Posted by treehouse

I'm glad that in the midst of all of this muck and darkness that I will hopefully still be able to find some love and light.

[phoenix7]

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by treehouse

T said in an e-mail about my next session on Tuesday: [I]Tuesday will be all about what you need.

I am so, so glad you will have this pocket of time to focus on what you need, and that you will get it.

I am thinking of you, Treehouse.

[MINIME]

Hug. I know that u are awesome.

[peaches100]

(((((Treehouse)))))

You are such a dear, compassionate person, and I'm SO sorry to hear that you're facing so much stress in your life!!! With the situation with your brother and your mom's breast cancer, it certainly hasn't helped that you've had these breaches with your t. You really need support right now, both from t and from your friends. I'm sure you are feeling a whole lot of conflicting feelings right now. Honor your feelings and treat yourself gently. Try to keep a focus on the things that bring you joy and contentment. Keep posting.

My mom had breast cancer and her markers have been up for awhile. I have that dread that one day the doctor will tell her the same, that her cancer has returned.

This is scary stuff, I know.

[phoenix7]

I am so sorry this is happeneing Treehouse - I am glad you have your T and are posting here