is this a valid want?

sittingatwatersedge · Jun 09, 2009 at 11:38 AM

is it realistic for me to want T to know "the answers" to things I bring up? the whys of certain events, the whys of my responses to them?

it's not so much that I want her to TELL me. I am beginning to think that what I may want is for her to just KNOW, so that if / when I ever get to what I think is the why, she can smile and say, yes. You got it.

It has happened a few times in our work together, and it was so much of an accomplishment to hear it. I fear that I won't hear it any more, things I need to work on are so convoluted and dark to me, I may not even be able to make her understand what I am trying to tel lher about. and at the rate of one hour every 3 wks, it seems like an endless, uphill climb.

Brightheart · Jun 09, 2009 at 11:52 AM

Deep thinking and being challenged are some of the hardest work to be done in therapy. Sometimes a challenge can be invigorating in that the struggle is as worthy as the gain. I think eventually the answers will come from you, but that your T may help you to explore and find them. It isn't easy, though, and it takes time. Writing was helpful to me. Have you tried down your thoughts?

Sannah · Jun 09, 2009 at 01:32 PM

I just wrote out a question then remembered. Let me know if you want me to continue.

sittingatwatersedge · Jun 10, 2009 at 06:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

I just wrote out a question then remembered. Let me know if you want me to continue.

sannah

not necessary, I brought this up with T yesterday and I think I have it straight now.

Pomegranate · Jun 10, 2009 at 08:55 AM

I want my T to just cut to the chase and tell me *whatever.* Why do I have to wait til I finally walk into the wall, so to speak, before a T will say, "there's a wall there, if you go this way there's a door..." ???

sittingatwatersedge · Jun 10, 2009 at 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

I want my T to just cut to the chase and tell me *whatever.* Why do I have to wait til I finally walk into the wall, so to speak, before a T will say, "there's a wall there, if you go this way there's a door..." ???

((((( Pomegranage )))))

Imapatient wrote, > Therapy is a vehicle for helping us discover ourselves, understand ourselves, and develop skills and strategies for how to live. <

This is well put. and the work of discovery is hard work; and as often as not, it hurts; and it's all worth it, worth it, worth it.

if you don't mind, I'll relate a story I once heard, and is something I talked about with T for a long time yesterday).

A group of sisters told their spiritual director that they wanted to work on improving the virtue of humility.
From that moment on it seemed that nothing they did for him was right; the linens were pressed improperly, the food was overcooked or undercooked, the floors and windows were not clean enough, etc etc etc.
The poor sisters were beside themselves; no amount of work seemed to be enough.
Finally they sent one of their number to see him; Father, they said, what’s wrong? We try and try but we can never please you; won’t you tell us why you are always so critical and displeased.
He said, “I thought you wanted to work on the virtue of humility.”
She replied, “Oh! Well if THAT’s all it is – ok, fine then. Thanks !”
And from that day on, they never made a step forward.

Being told isn’t the same as finding out for yourself. Being told (I think Sunny said this) is cognitive knowledge; what you are after in therapy is heart knowledge, if I can put it that way, and apparently it is only this that can heal us or change us.

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Sannah Legendary Member Since Jul 2008 Posts: 19,179 (SuperPoster!) 16 1,773 hugs given	Jun 09, 2009 at 01:32 PM #3 I just wrote out a question then remembered. Let me know if you want me to continue. __________________ Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ
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