[sw628]

T asked me today how she could comfort me and i sat silent. I had NO idea and felt really sad that I couldn't think of anything. I didn't get very much of anything( hugging/comforting etc) growing up, I was raised by my stepdad and mother of origin wasn't around. I'm in my early twenties now and figure it's time to let someone in. So my question is: How does your T comfort you? What's appropriate/inappropriate? Advice will be welcomed.

[mightaswelllive]

Blah I have this question too often..

mostly she just comforts me by allowing extra contact and returning calls and messages.

Phone calls, emails, texts, and being close to her physically (hugs, hand holds, etc) <3

[sunrise]

By being with me, his eyes giving empathy, and sometimes he makes little comforting noises, like sighs or clucks.

sw628, since you didn't know how to answer, could you ask your T for some ideas of how she comforts people? Maybe something would sound good.

[Brightheart]

My T's best way of comforting me was with his voice. It was very soft, gentle and reassuring. Sometimes even sitting in silence can feel comforting if there is emotional attunement. I think the key is feeling understood and heard. And then there is an empathetic energy in the room. The space feels safe and loving.

[peaches100]

My t comforts by using an empathetic and soothing voice, and by doing relaxation and visualizations with me. Also she accepts emails and phone calls and is very prompt at responding to them.

[3velniai]

My T doesn't do this, I don't let ppl to comfort me.

[sw628]

Originally Posted by sunrise

By being with me, his eyes giving empathy, and sometimes he makes little comforting noises, like sighs or clucks.

sw628, since you didn't know how to answer, could you ask your T for some ideas of how she comforts people? Maybe something would sound good.

((Sunrise)) Thanks for the response. I did ask T what she does to comfort other people and her response was that she didn't offer that to very many people. At that point, she did come sit next to me and we shared her office blanket. That was pretty comforting to me. She also gives me a hug at the end of each session. I'm going to take everyone's advice and send T and email.

[deliquesce]

old-T just used to sit in silence while i bawled my eyes out. i am sure he thought it was empathic silence, but we didnt have a connection for me to feel anything but a "hurry up, he's waiting impatiently" sort of vibe from him. but we all know old-T was an *****.

i never cry in front of pdoc. but he can tell when i'm distressed. he drops his voice and is just... soothing. i don't know what he says, because i've usually dissociated. but he just keeps talking about meaningless nothings, just keeps talking and talking and talking, and i find it really helpful. i was in a really bad place 2 years ago when i was seeing him twice a week. our sessions were pretty much completely me sitting there and him just talking to me gently for the hour. it's a shame i was so out of it, because i'm sure he was saying things that were useful. but it was just his presence and his voice that helped. that he was completely with me during that time. it used to feel like a gentle stream washing over me and taking away the pain.

with new-T... i still have my walls up. no comfort required for deli. although he did offer me an extra session once, because i had cancelled, and i took it. so maybe that is as close as we can get.

T sits with me and holds my hand. When I am slipping away into dissociation-land, he will sometimes rub my hand with his fingers.

He lets me call and e-mail between sessions as much as I need to,and he responds if I ask.

He doesn't use a lot of "soothing" words- like "it will be okay" - but he does say "we will get through this" and he tells me he loves me and all of my parts and that he is proud of how hard I am working.

((((((((((((((sw628)))))))))))))))))) It's hard to identify what we need. I think T and I tried different things before we hit on some things that worked. It was a process.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

with new-T... i still have my walls up. no comfort required for deli.

(((((((((((((((( deli )))))))))))))))

[fallenangel337]

For me, just having someone who I can trust and someone who will accept em for myself, imperfections and all, is extremely comforting. T's room, her voice, and just her overall energy is SO comforting to me.

I'm still working on letting T in, but I'm getting there. At this week's session, I came very close to crying - major tears in my eyes, and I had stop speaking, my voice was shaking so much. I was looking down, but when I looked up at my T through my tears, she had such a look of empathy on her face, it warmed my heart. And then, true to form, she didn't bring attention to my tears but kept on talking and kept me talking. At first, I didn't know if I liked that, but now I do.

Also, this week was the first time that my T disclosed something personal to me - it was directly related to what we were discussing. It was such a comfort to know that she could truly relate to what I was feeling because she'd been there herself!